The Stolen Wallet

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
A woman goes crazy looking for her wallet.

Submitted: February 08, 2008

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Submitted: February 08, 2008



It's finally happened.  I've started to lose my memory.  What was I writing about just now?  Oh, yeah.  See what I mean?

If you've read any of my other stories, you probably already know that I'm a few sandwiches shy of a picnic, but let me tell you what happened the other night to convince me that I'm losing my memory.

I had just bought some items at the local dollar store.  I came back into the trailer and put my wallet in a special drawer; then I put away my items.

I had some supper and took a bath.  Maybe that's where the memory loss took place.  My brain probably shrunk in the hot water, rolled out my ear, and flowed down the drain when the bath was over.

A couple of hours later, I went out to the glove compartment of my pickup to retrieve my wallet, before it got lost or stolen.  I opened the glove compartment and had a conniption when I discovered that my wallet was gone.  I ran back into the trailer in a state of utter panic.

"Tom!  Wake up!  Somebody's stolen my wallet!"

My husband opened one eye and shot me an irritated glance.

"That's impossible," he said.  "You've only been back from the dollar store for a few hours.  Who could have been on the property to steal it?  We would have SEEN somebody come up, especially in broad daylight!"

"I'm telling you, it's GONE!" I insisted.  I stomped through the trailer, bemoaning my fate to my two children, my little dog Cocoa Bean, and several pet cats.

Normally, the absence of my wallet would have been mainly an inconvenience.  I would have had to go through the hassle of replacing my driver's license and a half dozen other important forms of I.D.  This time it was different, though, because there was something in the center section besides dryer lint:  money!  This is a rare occurrence for me and necessitated my cautious behavior.  Now I had lost (sniff!) what was left of my birthday money!  (Okay, say "Aaaaaaawwwwww!"  Thank you.  I feel better knowing that I have your sympathy.)  There was nothing I could do now but eventually replace the money.

I decided to get my mind off the problem by playing a very special computer game.I kept the CD in a drawer so I wouldn't lose it.  I slid open the drawer and felt around with my hand to find it.  Instead, I felt a familiar piece of leather sitting right there on the bottom.

"My wallet!" I screamed to my husband.  "I FOUND it!"

"Good!" he commented sleepily from his spot on the waterbed.

I hollered down the hallway at Ariana, my twelve-year-old.

"I found out who stole my wallet!"  I announced.

"Really?  Who?" yelled Ariana, hollering back at me from the front room.

"I did," I said.

She was on the phone with one of her friends.

"You are an idiot," she observed, laughing.

I started laughing, too, because I was SO relieved that my wallet hadn't REALLY been stolen!

I guess I'm going to experience near-misses like this  more often as my memory fades with my hair, but luckily I'll probably forget how stupid I can be at times. 

By the way, have you seen my other white sock?  I swear I put two in the washing machine, but only ONE was in there at the end of the cycle.  If only I could REMEMBER.  Maybe I'll call "Information".  They'll know where that other sock is . . . What's the number for 4-1-1?  Oh.  Duh!  Now, if I could just remember where I put my cell phone . . .






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