Crashing down

I think my life is totally over.

Then you come along and fix everything.

I feel happy.

I feel better.

It feels to good to be true.

But then i do the worst thing i could do.

I lied to you.

I hurt you.

I broke you.

Why? you ask.

The answer is simple.

Because i didnt want to lose you.

You then did exactly that.

You left me with only myself to blame.

I ruined everything.

Your only "comforting" words were 'well we can be friends and go from there'.

That hurts more than what i did.

Cause it reminds me that you cared about me.

Its been 2 months.

For 2 months you didnt say a word to me.

For 2 months i never saw you once.

For 2 months you never called.

After those 2 months i gave up and found someone new.

I waited for 2 months for you.

But now i go to youth group more often.

I see you there all the time.

You ignore me.

I watch as you talk to your friends and such.

Then i bring my new boyfriend to youth group and everything changes.

You go from ignoring me to watching the 2 of us intensely.

Your expression goes from not caring to horiffid, jealous, and upset.

You dont say your jealous but you and i both know that you are.

You say that you still care bout me but yet your chasing other women.

How do i know you really care?

How do i know that it wasent some kind of act?

How can i even trust you enough to be my friend now?

When you came into my life i had everything i ever wanted.

Friends.

A sweet boyfriend.

And most importantly i felt loved by someone other than my family.

But now you barely speak to me.

I love my boyfriend but i also love you.

But the love i feel towards you is a different kind of love.

You were my first REAL boyfriend.

You were my first love.

I still kinda love you but i only love you like my brother.

I will NEVER forget the time we had shared together. 

But thats all in the past.

You used to be my lover.

But now you are my brother.