Reality, like a numbness is settling over me.
Blindly enjoyed a moment of satisfaction and bliss
only to feel as if my mind has been shut off
to accommodate the implications.
I feel as a destroyer of life, when I seek nothing more
Than hope and belief
I thought that I could satisfy the urge and desire inside me
While still maintaining some self-respect.
I mistake satisfaction for need and I become the insatiable monster.
I feel as if I could crumble to dust in the heat
Melt and self-destruct in the resonance of your love.
What really am I offering
What truly is inside my voracious soul
That makes me this person.
Someone willing to destroy the lines of safety and trust to
Quench an unsatisfied need to be loved.
A need that comes from inside all of us.
That fight for the ability to see what others see in us.
Wanting to feel the pain I am causing along with reveling in the pleasure
Tearing my chest open for you to hold my heart in your hands
Before telling you I have only half to give and it all seems
Lining my days with an exhaustion that perpetuates itself every night by the
Directionless dreams of pure terror.
I don’t always have to face these nightmares
When guilt rears its ugly head inside me, my mind destroys itself.
The closest thing I have ever had to a best friend,
The closest thing I have had to a friend that won’t go away
That will stay by my side
Even when I can’t be strong enough to provide all that I want to
What do I risk? What do I give up for my own fear and lack of action.
How can I change my indecisive and inactiveness?
Mostly how do I trust myself to make the right decision
Since that has never exactly been my strong point
I make all the wrong choices with all the best intentions
Find the vein inside my arm that will hold the answers to lifes
© Copyright 2016 R White. All rights reserved.