written lies ugly truth

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic
poems feelings etc :)
not finished yet!
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Submitted: August 30, 2013

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Submitted: August 30, 2013

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Well, here is my life (sort of), and I present it to you with an ardor I am incapable of defining as either happy or sad. I cannot say I am proud of everything I have done, but at the same time I’m not remorseful.

Sometimes I wish I never even met him. Actually, that’s completely erroneous and counterfactual to how i feel. I don’t actually wish that because if I never met him I wouldn’t have ever experienced real happiness, the kind that makes you feel full like an unopened box of Krispy Kremes and warm and sheltered like when you sit inside on a cold snow day and are just thankful that you have your house to protect you from the cold. He was my protector….and at the same time he was also the thing harming me. And when he did that it made me feel like empty like a drained swimming pool and made my heart hurt like a bowling ball had slammed against it but when he was the real him…Everything was perfect. But I wasnt really sure who the real him was, was I?

I probably loved him. I know for sure he loved me, he always told me so. But I didn’t know he loved me because he told me. I knew he loved me in the way he held my hand, gently like he was scared to hurt me but passionately hard because he didn’t want to let me go. I knew in the way that he got quiet when I came around, how he would stop fooling around with his friends and try to act mature because he always needed to look his best in front of me. I knew just in the way he was.

 

I wish I never screwed things up is what I wish.

 

secret

 

I wish I could tell you,

 

but I can’t.

It’s not that easy.

It’s not that I don’t want to tell you,

It’s that I don’t want you to find out.

Those are two very different things.

Like when a lion eats a little mouse or whatever,

I’m sure it doesn’t mean anything against that small animal.

It doesn’t want to harm the animal, it just wants to eat.

It doesn’t want to kill him, it just needs to live.

It doesn’t want to hurt him, but it needs to.

Sorry.

I can’t tell you.

I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have.

 

definition of sorry

1. attempted band-aid to the caused symbolic wound

2. a lie used to get out of trouble


 

What kind of doctor do you go to when your heart hurts?



 

Chapter 1

 

The Day was a Thursday. The news was so big it appeared on the Spanish channel and Ellie came home from work early. The ambulance car was white with a blue stripe on it and I was deeply intrigued and puzzled at how they printed AMBULANCE backwards on the car.



 


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