My Other Half Passing Away .... feeling half alive .

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Religion and Spirituality  |  House: Booksie Classic

I wrote this shortly after I lost my children's father to death. He passed away one month after turning 30. It has since been 5 years and I make sure to continue to keep his memory alive, and not one day has gone by when I haven't thought of him once. We knew each other from teenagers and saw each other grow into adults . It was just at the brink of when our life started to fall into place and we began to reap the rewards of sticking it out through thick and thin. It was surely something that I will carry with me forever until my dying day myself .

A short story of the relationship of Phil and I
Tonight I was just sitting by myself,and letting reality set in,and be absorbed.The part of me,my soul,is thirsty for this I suppose.So like th heavens rain to the soil of earth ,these tears I shed shall quench this,and re-instate this life. In doing this I must confess that my mind is a bit muddeled,due to my urge,and craving for a candy bar,lol,so bear with me,but what-ever. So,I have been just starring at this picture of Phil.aka,Phillie Blunt,if yall don't know,my love,my soulmate,my other half. He died May 2,2008,and right now I am just trying to feel,or not to feel, I'm not sure. It's like those lyrics to that old rap song"you better find out,before your times out,wtf!" Well I remember that day,so vivid,so clear,and it haunts me every day that has followed. Police officers taking pictures of the car,and me just screaming"Where is he!",and"Why are you taking pictures of the car!"Not one single person ansewering me.I was shaking and crying,and all alone.Then this woman arrived and told me I need to relax,and get out of the sun! Hello!It's Florida!Then she just looks at me and says,"he passed,I'm sorry".I began screaming so load"No,no,bring him back ,he can't leave me!"I remember all the neighbors just looking at me,and it felt like my world was closing in. I think that had something to do with the 3 cops trying to calm me down,which inevitertanly caused me to throw my head back,and be rushed to the hopital,as well.I recieved several staples in my head,and along with those,with no respect,a security officer came into my room,and said," these keys were on him,here". If I wasn't so heavily sedated,I think I might have punched him in the face.I couldn't tell you of the next 5 days,for I took xanax,and slept,and did not eat.I awoke to being so mad at him for not listening to me that day.I had a dream something was going to happen to him,and I wanted him to stay home with me.I wanted to kick his ass so bad that day when I arrived there,and there was cops everywhere.I don't,nor will I explain what happened,but if you watch the video,Better than me,by Hinder on my playlist,it will explain it enough.I still have that anger,which in time, I'm sure,I will come to terms with. Along with the regular fights we had,there were the days like this,that he knew he messed up,bad.He knew he had it coming to him,and would normaly openly volunteer himself for me to hit him. If he had survived that day,from his mistake,he would have said,"hit me,come on,hit me!"and I would have said," No!I love you to much,you asshole!"then he would have proceeded to press my buttons,so eventualy,I would have.He would have acted like it hurt so bad,lol,But it would have worked.He knew that,and so did I .I'd feel better,and regardless of a fat lip,broken tooth,nose,or getting kicked really hard in the Balls,he'd feel better too,and that's just how we do,or did.Don't get me wrong,he didn't always volunteer,and niether did I.Just like the fighting scences in the movie"The Notebook",it made the love so much more real,passionate,I just sighed when I wrote that word.Someone said that I should write about him,us ,and I don't have the energy to write a book,but I will do my best,how-ever on the cliffnotes version,lol.So I said there were fights,duh,everyone fights,we actualy thought also,that we would never fight.We were wrong.In the early beginning people would say that we were pathetic,patheticaly in love that is.I remember actualy saying to Phil," I hope we never fight".Ha ha,that's funny because like 4 years later I was saying" I hope we can someday have one day where we don't fight!"Is that just hilarious?I also remember him saying to me,"I don't think I could ever be mad at you,baby",and years later,him saying,"I hope one day I can forgive you."That I must 

  • say,sucked.No matter what though,we always worked it out.In the end got pretty good at it too,"sorry,I feel,because,bla,bla,bla,you catch my drift.You know the song by Breakn Benjimins,that goes,"I know that I can find the fire in your eyes?"Well one night,after all the lying,cheating,and betrayal,between us,he did just that.We were listening to music,as we always did,and he was talking to me,and I,to be honest with you,was in another place,we will call it the land of broken promises.I think he relized we were letting go,and I, just was giving up.He all of a sudden looked at me,and said my name.He knew that would get my attention,and it did.I looked at him,really looked at him,and into his eyes.When I did my eyes teared up,and his did too,and he said,"Baby,I love you,I missed you,your back,I can see it,I knew I could,we can make this happen,we have before!",he then pulled me toward him.I just cried in his arms,so hard."What happened to us?"I sobbed."Nothing.",he replied.I then looked once again at him,both with tears pouring down our face,and we childishly laughed,and wiped the tears away.Phil then got up,walked to the cd player,and put a song on.I think it was the one by Seether,with Amy lee,Broken.He put his hand out,and we slow danced in our bedroom.It was truely magical,this divine moment.He twirled me,and tried to dip me like he did the first night we were together,but after a few children,car accidents,ect.I just couldn't quite do it.It was funny though,we kept trying.He was like ,"Just trust me,go back,ready",So I did,and we succeeded on our little Patrick Swazye,and Jennifer Grey moment,lol,in our bedroom.But most importantly there was the trust again,that we had lost.That one song,that one danced re-enforced the impact of our true-love.See what I mean about what I said earlier,how we do,or did.Phil once said to me,"true love can not exist without trust.",he was right.Also I just want to add to this particular part,a memorior about Christmas 01.He proposed to me with a ring,and a piece of wrapping paper.On the side with no Christmas design,it said,"True love cannot be found were it doesn't exist,and cannot be hidden where it truely does,will you marry me Melissa? Please.My heart just melted.It was so sweet.We never actualy married,but in my heart,we did,are,and forever will be.If I could just show you the beauty of this love,your heart would ache,as does mine.I miss him so much,even the fights,snoring,all of it.You take the good with the bad,till death do you part,or do we? Phil was such a talented man.His work with cars always exceeded others,he did autobody.His father taught him.He cooked phenomonely,his mother taught him I'm sure.Phil also sang,played guitar,and in his childhood ,exceled in basketball,and soccer.He was my everything,and make it a point of me knowing I was the same.Even when we wern't together,and in other relationshiops.He was my best friend,he said we were "boys" though I'm not a boy.He also said that he loved,and cherrished seeing me grow from a beatifull girl,into an amazingly beautifull woman.,he then kissed my forehead.We have two children together,GAvin,age 6,and Divinity(vinnie),age 3.They are equaly amazing.These children are so unique,and intelligent,heathy,just great.It is the greatest gift someone can recieve.Both were born on the same day,June 23,what can I say he is good,lol.We also separately have 2 other children,Destinee,age 11,and Kayla,age 12.They are beatifull,and full of talent.Little individualist,I would say.I know with all that said and we could have had the greatest life,and it pains me so.I want that second chance,to hear him,see him,smell him,but I can't.All I have is the memories,one just crossed my lmind.We went to the housatonic river,to try and go down it on a ralf,but the water was to low,we couldn't.We ended up catching fish with our hands,I kid you not,and then we saw the sign,no fishn.So we hid the fish in newspaper in his mustang.Then guess what happened! Well the car being a mustang,we got pulled over.It was so funny,because he was kissing the cops ass,because he thought the the officer would find the fish,lol.That was so long ago.I loved our country rides.We ended up in so many places.That was just us, nature,hippies I guess.We had so much fun together,singing,cooking.Though one time we decided to cook a lazana together,and got into a heated argument about "the right lazana,or perfect one."I think I was actually crying,and he got so mad he threw sauce all over the kitchen.Now I know that you can't put two cooks with so much conviction to the art,in the same kitchen,at the same time,lol. Though I would love to have him in the kitchen with me once again.We were also the best shoppers together,playfully impressing one and other with the items we both liked.I told him one time to smell this shampoo,and when he did I squirt the whole thing in his face,and ran away real fast,lol.We were such punks to eachother,but I loved it.He was the only one that I felt comfortable to be like that to,even if I pissed him off.This one time he was to busy watching the History Channel,tm.and I was lying in bed with his back to me,and I was getting aggravated because he kept saying shut up,and I said "I'm going to set your armpit on fire",and he ignored me,and.....by an accident I flicked the lighter,and poof!!!His deoderant was very flammable.I felt so bad,but I was laughing my ass off,so was he.He once wrote that he loved to write my name,it made me feel real to him,so do I.Phil,it does make him feel real.We were real. He taught me so much. He also made a bad situation not seem so bad.One time we had no food,only $2.75 cents,and I sent him to the store.He got a bannana, I said,okay,bread,I said,"good",cheese,great.Then he pulled 5 roses out from down his pants, with a big smile on his face.I just looked at him with a smile and said "I don't even want to ask,did you steal those?" He replied," No,I spilled the whole rose rack down,(he was a little drunk),and told the lady how sorry I am,and he just wished he could get his girl a rose,as he was picking them up.She thought he was so cute she gave them to him,what can I say,she was right,my baby.I worked at a breakfast place one year,and he paid me a vistit,I was taking care of all the old fellas at the counter,and he approaches me.In doing so he gave me a card,then another,then another,and one more.My heart just melted.All the "Ol fellas" were like you got her now.He already did.lol.I don't think anyone could have been so lucky.Well I must say thank-you to the someone who told me to write,you know who you are,and you helped me once again. I know that I can't bring him back,but I will never forget him,and the love we did share.He was a true-genuine,for real person,we both were,we made the perfect couple.fun,crazy,attractive,and work-aholics,but work hard,play hard,right?The love was just indescribable.This woman once said,"Melissa,Phillip loves you so much,your all he ever talks of,you know that right?"I smiled and said," I know,I love him too!",and still do!!!!!Phil,I love you so much,with every breath,and beat of my heart,and I'll be seeing you in all familar places.!Thank-you-Melissa Cegielski(Gallant),that sounds so good,Melissa Gallant,one last note,he said if we did get married I would me just like the car--Miss Bitchy Gallant,ha ha. IN LOVING MEMORY OF PHILLIP JOHN GALLANT JR.APRIL 4,1978-MAY 2,2008

 


Submitted: June 11, 2013

© Copyright 2020 Rainee Norshine . All rights reserved.

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