Life of Me (Dream)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
The biography of a subject that lives in a sleep. Everyone has it, and everyone knows it. It's a dream.

Submitted: July 21, 2008

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 21, 2008



By: "Ramayana" Dahlia Lubis

When I was young, dad took me with him, leaving mom alone. I left my room and my house also, and everything inside it. Dad bought me new things - cloths, shoes, accessories, mantel, and everything else that I needed for everyday life - and we went to another house, spookier than my first one, and smaller.

I organized everything. The rooms were dusty, but I swept it. The living room and the kitchen I also swept. I cleaned the windows. I did it all, and dad helped, of course. I did it all while I was thinking what happened between dad and mom. So then, I asked. “Can I meet mom?” He was silent for few seconds. “You cannot.” At the end he replied me. “Why?” I asked innocently that time. “I said no! Can’t you see I’m trying to calm down? No more questions and you will never meet her for life!” Dad shouted loudly, very, at me, for the first time.

I kept silent after that. I kept doing the chores without sound. Since then, he didn’t let me go out of my house, never. I think he’s scared of something, like losing me.

Years then passed. I realized then that they were fighting on something; a serious problem that I cannot interfere. I also didn’t really care anymore. The face, voice, and love of my mother had vanished from my memories. I only can remember her tears flowing from her cheek at the day we left. I didn’t feel anything though. It didn’t feel right, but it didn’t matter anymore.

I’ve always had friends. Yes, they were the most important thing in my life. That was another reason why it didn’t matter anymore by not remembering mom. They always appear when I was alone. The first time I met them was when I was still a baby, in my box, when I woke up and wanted to cry. They made me laugh; they kept me close to their hearts. I’ve never cried since then. They always kept me laughing, and bring happy. I wished to be with them for life and in my tomb when I leave.

Without them my life would be dull. If they didn’t appear that time, I won’t have been the one I am now. I think I would have been a lonely and depressed in my house alone. My life also won’t mean anything; no worth to keep on.

“It’s because of you guys I’m still living. Ya’ll are fun, and kind. I’ll always enjoy with you. If you did not appear that time, I would have committed suicide!” I said to them once jokingly, though it may be true. They didn’t answer, and my dad suddenly came, and they disappeared.

Dad doesn’t talk to me that much. We wake up, we eat breakfast together, and then he goes to work till midnight. I’m not that certain that he only goes to work. He only talks to me when he needs to. That’s why I spent my time more with them. Since the first day in this house, we’ve never had lunch and dinner together. I always have it with them, though they never eat for some reason.

Once my dad asked me if I was lonely, with his full of worry face I couldn’t ignore. “I’m not. I have friends, many of them! They tell me about any story.” He didn’t answer me. I was expecting an answer, and I really wanted him to know them.

One day, they told me of moral, freedom, anger, hatred, lust, pride, sloth, happiness and more. I haven’t yet felt all of them, but I wish to. They also told me about creatures that had emotion and feelings, but got no consciousness. It crept inside of me. Am I one of those? A question that certainly is a ‘no’…

One day changed everything…

In the living room, I was watching the rain falling down. Suddenly someone patted at my shoulder. I gave a big smile at it. They were here again to accompany me. But that was what I thought. They said something I wasn’t able to comprehend, but it always stayed in my memories. I ordered them to do it. I didn’t know what I was talking about. One thing I remember, their tear is on their right…

Then, they disappeared. They didn’t accompany me that one day.

- Their appearances were all the same. The have a pretty face, with a small smile. They use a clown costume; black and white stripes. Their hair was black, and their eyes were also black. There is a black tear tattoo on their left cheek. Their skin is white, very white; paper white. I couldn’t tell if they were a woman or a man. The only thing that doesn’t make them look like a clown is that they don’t use the (ridiculous) red tomato ball in their nose. I once called them ‘Kind Ghosts’. They were transparent…-

The next day, I lost orientation. I got lost in my house, and my dad wasn’t there. Then they came. I told them to continue the story they told me in one night. They didn’t answer. At the same day, I became sad. I realized that they were not the same as always. They were different. Some had the same hobbies and interest. Since that day, I acted differently to each one.

At the same day, I went out with one of them; my first time going out from my house. It felt good, but I was forgetting something. Something I couldn’t remember at that day, which is that I wasn’t allowed to go out. I visited many unknown places, and I saw millions of them. Everyone was walking in malls, in parks, they were everywhere.

It didn’t matter anymore that they weren’t the same person… I was not alone, that was all in my mind.

Time passed by, and I forgot my dad’s and my mom’s name, then following my dad’s face. Did I have one? That was what I was thinking long ago. Slowly I forgot about everything. It terrorized me. Each day passed in different locations. I woke up in another home, living with my dad and my mother. They aren’t my parents! I screamed inside my heart, and the view scattered into pieces. Every day things changed, but them.

A day that was the weirdest of all was the day that I just sat in a tall tree watching them, which were still kids playing in the park. It felt weird. And I felt that what I was doing was my job…

The next day, I was in a tower. It was empty, and it only had one window. The room was a circle. And I was with one of them. We talked about something I don’t remember anymore. I slept in the roof top. We were in the sky, filtered with bushy cloud. It was my first time touching it. Feeling the cold breeze was also relaxing. But when I rolled my eyes to it, I saw it disappearing slowly as it fell asleep. I screamed out, and fell from the building…

I though that at the end I was going to die…

I was alive. I was in my spooky and small home. Back into reality, I thought. My dad was there. “Dad?” I called, but he didn’t reply. “Dad? Are you alright?” I asked. I put my hands on his shoulder and moved his head to face at me. I was hoping to remember the face, and also his name. I wanted to ask many questions. When I saw him, his face was gone.

I ran off, and as I ran, I realized that there were no mirrors. It reminded me of myself, of my face, of my name, of my sex, my interests, my hobbies, my all. I… forgot. Or is it that I’ve never known? Who am I?

I reached my room, and locked myself there, but they came. They never let me alone. They never give me time to think alone. Leave me alone! Who are they? The question came to mind. Suddenly the incomprehensible talk that I had with them came to sense. They were reporting about dreams. Did kids in the year had more nightmares or sweet dreams, did the adults fell into dreams forever because they got no hope to live anymore.

“Who are you guys? Why you never let me alone?” I shouted at them. I remember clearly. My heart was full of confusion.

They didn’t answer, until suddenly one of my scattered memories came back. ‘I still live because of you guys’ a sentence that made my life vivid and a sentence that I’ve regretted to say. “We are here for you.” They said. They were different… the ones that talked to me had the tear in the left cheek, and they had in the right one, like the ones that reported dreams. “You are us.” They said, one of them took a mirror. I, my face, my whole body, everything, was just like them.

That was a story long, long time ago. After days passed, I remembered everything. I’ve never had a true parent. I’ve never had a true home. They were not my friends. I was never one person, but I am many. I’ve always exceeded to be one. That was my job. I am the illusion of those with a tear tattoo in their left cheek, and I’m the leader of the ones with tear tattoo on their right cheek. I am the building, I am the friend, and I am the wish. Though no one knows that I feel.

After days, I’ve never lost my memory anymore, instead my memories recovered. I also know when I’m going to go to somewhere else. I am unique, I am different from them. I realized that I got tear tattoos in my both cheeks. Later then I realized I was the crux of every world. I became the strongest plot, and the second most viewed character. I also realized that I’m the only one that remembers everything. Now, nothing matters. I know that I can’t escape.

Who am I? That question I can answer now.
I am Dream

I’ve always hoped someone to read this story of mine. This is how I feel, and how I differ to others. If you’d like, meet me when you’re sleeping.

© Copyright 2018 Ramayana . All rights reserved.

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