The Everlasting Laptop

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just how much mishap can a laptop cause? Find out here!

Submitted: November 20, 2011

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Submitted: November 20, 2011



The Everlasting SonyCS43X

People gaped at twenty-three year-old Marc as he shuffled silently past them with something heavy, blue colored and almost ancient tucked under his arm. When walking down the streets of Shanghai, foreigners would often look at Marc's laptop in ridicule; but to the local Shanghainese people that passed him daily, this was easily recognized as his infamous forever-lasting laptop that he had been using for more than twenty years.

Marc was well-known all around Shanghai as the guy who never wanted to spend an extra RMB. He piled all the cash he had around in his house, never putting them in the bank, as if his house would use this money as seeds and plant more for him. Yet, it was not these actions that made him famous; it was his laptop that gave him all the fame he needed.  

His aqua laptop was passed down from his father when he was in college. He never threw it away because he thought it could still conduct the functions that a normal laptop could conduct. Even when it breaks down, as it does quite frequently, he hires cheap local people to fix it.  

As time passed, the shiny aqua paint of the laptop was no longer visible, but instead, it was covered by layers and layers of metal to make sure it doesnt fall apart. The screen was almost yellow, like paper when it is old with age. Even so, these things dont bother him. The main thing here is that he doesn’t have to spend a few thousand RMB to buy a new one.

People around town never talk to him; but that doesn't mean they didn't talk about him behind his back. They called him a miser, and no one enjoyed staying with someone like him. At the same time, he was indeed a very successful businessman because he would guard his money as if they were his own children. 

On a lovely night, in which the sky was clear with the stars shining and the moon glowing like a silver coin, Marc decided to go for his yearly Starbucks Coffee. As you all know, Starbucks was way too expensive for Marc to buy on a daily, even monthly basis. So he made a vow to get it once a year. He carried his laptop along, for he knew that Starbucks provide free Internet service. He must take advantage of that!

Going into Starbucks, he decided to sit by the window. He turned on his laptop, and tried to get on the Internet. However, what he didnt know was that he didnt have the wireless Internet option in his twenty-year-old laptop.

Marc, deciding that he would get a cup of coffee before beginning the argument with the waitress about the wireless Internet, walked over to the counter.

Just as he left his seat, a wealthy Shanghainese tele-marketer came in. When he saw the ridiculous old machine, he sat as far away from it as possible. He wouldnt want to feel that rotten old fan inside the laptop fanning out sour air.

The tele-marketer sat down and made himself comfortable; with a simple click, he was connected to the internet. Then, remembering his purpose for coming to Starbucks, stood up and went to the counter to get a cup of coffee. Upon arriving there, he vaguely recognized Marc in line in front of him; sighing in disgust, he could only wait patiently.

Marc held his coffee carefully, and headed back to his seat, or what he thought was his seat. However, when he sat back down, to his horror, his laptop was gone. No, this is not bad. In replacement of it, was a brand new laptop, with a bright screen and a clean outer, diamond-encrusted shell.

God has blessed me for my prayers. He has granted me at last my long dreamed laptop. I can get this entire thing for free! No wonder people say patience is a virtue; looks like its true! Ive waited twenty years, and finally, this is my reward!

So gathering up his Starbucks coffee, and taking the new laptop with him, Marc hurried out, worried that whatever power God has given might take it away if he didnt leave this magical place fast enough.

Once he got home, he tried his newly gained treasure. He was amazed by how fast it worked, how nice the screen was, and most of all, how light and beautiful it was. It even played music and movies! Ha! Now people wont have to say that I am a miser! I got a new laptop!

While Marc was celebrating and dancing, the Shanghainese tele-marketer came back from the counter with a cup of latte to only find that his laptop was gone. He looked around the cafe to see who would be the thief.

As he scanned the room, a seat caught his eyes. He realized that Marc left his laptop sitting alone in the deserted coffee shop. Strange He would never do such a thing. Then, looking around again, realization struck him. Marc was the thief! He stole his laptop, and left his own ancient monster machine here.

Stomping to the table in rage, the tele-marketer picked up the laptop, and his eyes widened at its weight. He managed to drag the laptop out of Starbucks and he went straight to the police station. Upon arriving, the tele-marketer accused Marc of stealing laptops.

The police believed the man immediately after seeing Marcs laptop in his hand. Tracking down Marc was easy, for everyone knew where the miser lived. The police went straight up to his apartment and banged open the door.

Marc Jacobs, you are under arrest. The police said.

Huh? For what? Marc asked, shocked.

For stealing, The police said. He held up the heavy laptop that was as heavy as a brick. You took this mans laptop here and swapped it with your ancient monstrous machine. What do you have to say in your defense?

Marc was speechless. He had no idea what else to say, except to return the man his laptop. Then, he gave the officer plenty of money to keep his mouth shut in front of the court.

Then, as a farewell gift, the tele-marketer took the laptop from the police and threw it with all his strength at Marc. Marc didnt catch it. It bounced onto Marcs carpet, and made a nasty dent in it.

Furious with this old thing, Marc decided to throw it out the window. The amount of money he paid the police was already enough to buy him two new laptops. Opening his window and flinging it with all his strength, he watched it as it descended from his apartment window and down into the streets below. There. That ought to do the trick. He thought happily to himself.

Then, he sat down on his bed and had a miniature internal conflict of whether he should buy a new laptop or not. At this instance, there was a loud pound on the door.

Marc, irriated for someone to have disrupted his debate, swung open the door to only reveal five more policemen.

Marc Jacobs, you are such a trouble maker. We had not even made it past the gate when we were called back! The first one said.

Why? Marc asked, shocked again. Did I not pay you enough? He asked quietly.

You are accused of murder. You killed your neighbors mother. She was taking her daily walk by the streets down by the apartment, and down came a flying iron brick. She died instantly as the iron smashed her head too hard. Then, the second police officer said, while pulling out that cursed thing that Marc called his laptop, “as we have investigated, this laptop belongs to no one other than you.”

Marc could only stare with his jaw opened. He couldnt think. He couldnt move. He couldnt believe what he is hearing.

So hereby, we shall take you to court and let you be sentenced to death. The third one said.

Marc slowly held out the money which would have been for his new laptop. Please dont tell.

“Now, this is murder we're talking about. Not stealing; that much money ain't going to do it." The first one asked angrily.

Marc ran back into his house and dug up his pillow, where he had hid much more cash. He handed them to each of the police officers, and then giving a check of four hundred thousand RMB to the family, he finally was let off the hook.

As a farewell gift, the family threw the old piece of metal at Marc. His fingers slipped to catch it, and it fell right onto his toes. He screamed in pain and frustration, and once again, set his mind to destroy it for once and for all.

He decided to burn it. If throwing wont kill it, surely the power of fire shall. Placing it on top of the stove, he started. He opened the fire slowly at first, then waiting to see the result of melting metal and ashes, he realized this was taking too long.

I dont have all the time in the world. He said aloud.

He opened the fire to the biggest, but the result was still slow. Not even the first layer of the hard metal shall that has been added by the years of patching melted. He decided that his laptop would take a minimum of one day at this rate, and so he headed out for a short walk.

As the rounded the garden for the fifth time, he saw police cars driving in. Now that he had been nearly arrested by the police twice, he had a special fear; hoping that this time it wouldnt be for him, he went up to see what was going on.

He watched in horror as the police carried out three corpses of his neighbors, John, Valerie and their daughter Jade. Marc was perplexed, and he demanded to know what happened.

You! You still dare show your face here? The policeman's voice boomed, and caused an awkward silence as everyone stared.

What happened?” Marc asked quietly, looking nervously around the room.

You murderer! You killed your neighbors' entire family! Not to mention, you also burned down the entire apartment building.

Looking around for the first time, Marc realized the entire white outer walls of his building was already black. Everything inside his room was pitch black, almost burned down to ashes, including his precious money. Yet, that was not the only thing that made him furious. There, in the middle of the burned up kitchen, was the heavy chunk of metal, its screen still on Marc's homepage. Marc, having no more money, gave the policemen his sister's phone number so that she could pay the bills. Then, furious that that useless piece of trash took everything from him, snatched up the laptop and headed two hundred kilometers down the road to a long, long canal. There, he deposited his laptop, knowing that once placed in those dark depths of water, Marc will never ever see the laptop again.

However, he was wrong.

Marc, fishing out all the money he had left in his pockets, which he added up to be around 34.23 RMB, sat down on a bench and slept. When he woke up, something blue was in front of him. Marc first groaned, because he thought that the laptop had died and came back to haunt him. But as he blinked rapidly and gazed up, he noticed that it wasn't a laptop. In fact, it was the same policeman from yesterday. Marc knew that the laptop had done something else to ruin his life

So he inquired, "what'd it do now?" like a parent with a kid that always caused trouble. "It electrocuted all the fish in the river and one fisherman that was fishing." Of course, his 34.23 RMB wasn't enough to pay the policeman off, so he was dragged off to court.

"Marc Jacobs, you are hereby sentenced to death for bribery of the police, five murders, animal massacre, starting a fire, and stealing." 

Marc, already half insane, chuckled and cried out, "I might as well be, because even if i escaped this time, even if! I, escapppppeeeed. The laptop would get me. It would get me, it would hunt me down like prey. But hear me, oh, judge and witnesses, as of this moment, i do not own that laptop. Anything that that laptop does, has nothing to do with me. You hear me?" Then he laughed a high pitch and fell to the ground.

Marc, was executed soon afterwards, and the laptop? Who knows where it is now, but we do know one thing, it is certainly somewhere out there.



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