"Expect the unexpected."
I sometimes hear people say that. But I never took this saying into something I'd actually follow. Why would I? After all, our fates has been sealed, and there was nothing we could do about the unexpected, even if we saw it coming...
I always thought that to myself, I thought I had a point, but as I awoke here; in a room of nothing but white and a little bit of deep blue, I realized how wrong I've actually been.
The moment I opened my eyes, my head felt a bit heavy and my memory seemed to be covered in fog. I tried to remember what had happened, suddenly these flashbacks soared through my head like a fallen angel, clearing the fog out of my head.
I can remember now, last night we've been into an accident, me and Margaret.
There was a horrible storm, the snow was falling out of the sky like spears, a sign of the God's wrath. We were on our way back home from a night we tried to make our own (which went terribly wrong), in a middle of an argument a drunk driver crossed a red light and caught me off guard, then after that everything went black.
To my surprise there was nothing connected to me, even though I was in a hospital bed.
I arched my back up a bit. It didn't hurt that much, the pain was nothing severe, but even if it was; I didn't care about that now. All I had in mind was Margaret. I wanted to know if she's fine. I looked to my left in hopes to see if she was on the other bed, but the bed was terribly tidy and empty.
I hung my legs down from the bed as I tried to reach for the floor.
"Take it easy on yourself, you still need a lot of rest.", a voice echoed from the other end of the room.
I looked at the door, it was a nurse.
"Can you remember what happened to you?" the nurse asked me that with a calming tone, closing the door behind her and then smiling politely.
"I'm not really sure, I think it was an accident..." I said in confusion, "But there was this other girl, is she alright?" I barely drew these words out of my mouth.
After I have asked that, the look on the nurse's face turned a little dim. She locked her sight on the floor and from the look of that, I could tell something was
The air in the room started to feel heavy, my heart started beating senselessly and my lungs were dying for oxygen.
There was a long pause.
The nurse was interrupted by the sound of the door cracking open.
"Thank God, you're finally awake!"
Both me and the nurse looked at the door, Margaret was standing there. My pupils grew wider and I could feel tears form into my eyes.
She stood there, with a velvet black pony tail and a skin as pale as bones bleached under the desert's sun.
She was okay; she was alive. She was wearing the necklace that I gave her before the accident, and she looked young and beautiful, like she's never been into an accident.
I couldn't think of anything to say, so I built up my strength, rushed out of bed and hugged her, to make up for the lack of perfect words.
I wasn't planning on getting too comfortable with the hug, just for the fact the nurse is standing here.
"I'm sorry..." I muttered.
"It's alright, baby... Everything's alright." she said that while rubbing her cold hand up on my spine, I clenched her tighter and we slowly let go.
"I think I should leave you guys alone..." the nurse said in a nervous tone.
"No it's alright, you don't have to" Margaret said, blushing and smiling all the while, "I just wanted to check up on him, I didn't expect him to wake up so soon. I think we should go and tell the doctor that he woke up and get him ready to get out."
Margaret wrapped her arm around me and walked me back to the bed. She really didn't have to; I was perfectly fine.
"Just take some rest and, I'll go talk to the doctors and get you ready to get out of here."
Soon I was left alone in this silent room. Margaret and the nurse left the room. I tried to calm my nerves and actually get some rest. But then I remembered the
nurse's reaction when I asked her about Margie. I didn't like the look on her face, it was a face that held some bad news.
I brushed that out of my head though, she probably just didn't know what to say. And Margaret was fine, that's all that mattered to me.
I just lay here staring at the ceiling waiting for time to pass me by. But time has a bad habit of going too slow when you're all alone. I tried to get some sleep but that didn't go so well, I just couldn't fall asleep.
After what seemed like forever, the door knob twisted and someone walked in. It was the nurse.
"Hey, how are you doing?" the nurse asked me in a cheerful tone. I kinda liked this nurse; she would make any patient feel like everything's okay. Like this whole
thing is nothing but just a phase and it's all going back to normal at the end of the day, like it didn't happen at all.
"I came here to apologies about what happened earlier, you know how acted when you asked me about your girlfriend... I just didn't really know where she was" she said in a trembling manner, "She's always been here by your side; I didn't really expect you to be here alone."
"That's okay, you didn't have to apologies. I'm just glad everything's okay."
"Yeah, well they're going to be here any minute to get you out. You're a fast healer, aren't you?" the nurse said laughing at the end.
"I guess I am." I said while forcine a smile.
Soon after, Margaret came back saying that the doctor said there was nothing to worry about, and I was ready to get out.
Everything went by in a blink of an eye, we went out of the hospital and the storm seemed to have settled down a bit. Everything was white, covered in snow. It seems that the cold conquered the world, even our breaths were stained white.
All the roads were blocked, there was no way we could get home using a car or something of that sort, but luckily the house wasn't too far, only a couple of blocks away.
I held Margaret's hand and we started walking home. Margaret didn't mind the coldness and the snow, she always talked about how amazing this weather is. That's one of
the reasons she agreed on walking back home, the other is that we had no choice.
The walk was awfully silent, except for the sound of the howling wind exploding into my ears.
"Hey, I want to ask you something." I said.
To be honest, I didn't know what to say. A lot of things didn't make sense to me. The fact that I just got out of the hospital and now I'm walking home in the middle of the snow. And the fact that she was okay of that. Not that I'm a health freak or that I cared at all, but it's nothing like her to do that, especially rushing me out of the hospital.
"What is it?" Margaret turned her face to me and smiled awkwardly.
"I was just wondering..."
You know that moment when you have a long speech prepared and then it just vanishes? Just like flying a kite in the middle of a storm, no matter how hard you hold onto it, the string would eventually pop.
I couldn't think of anything else to say.
"Are you sure? You know you can tell me anything."
"Yeah, I'm sure."
And that's how the conversation ended. We didn't talk after that, we just kept walking, silent like we were both walking alone.
During the silent moments, I started thinking about the argument we got into before the accident, and how I have managed to ruin what I promised to be a perfect night.
This wasn't the first time I actually promised something to her and then broke it. It's always my fault, whatever choice I make it's always the wrong one. My life seemed like a
I've been so fed up with everything and suppressed every feeling that came to be, only to fall into apathy. Needless to say she didn't like how careless I've been acting, and unfortunately she reached her boiling point. I didn't blame her, it was just another side effect of neglect. I wanted to back down; but that's not how fights work, you can't turn to the "I'm sorry" in the middle of it, all you can do is defend yourself.
We were screaming, it all happened too fast, yet the world around me moved so slow and had this blur to it. I deatched my brain and all I did was stand in front of her and scream at the top of my lungs. Her screams were like shotguns banging in my head.
Eventually I came to be, and realized the cost of what was I doing, I didn't want to cause anymore damage. I forced myself out of the house; not droping the angry
I hated this. I hated myself for doing this. I wanted to put the blame on her shoulders to feel better about myself, but she did nothing wrong. I was starting to feel bad, to feel sorry for what I've done, but a humble apology and a smile wouldn't be enough. I decided to get her something, a simple gift and a night of our own. Actions speak louder than words, this was all I counted on, I hoped my actions would scream louder than I have.
The moment we saw the house, we started walking faster, and the closer we got the colder the weather seemed to be. We rushed towards the house's door and we got
"We're not doing that again." I joked.
"I don't think we ever will." she said while smiling.
We took off our jackets and I walked towards the fireplace and I turned it on, to kick the cold that was lurking under our flesh like wraiths out.
I sat close to the fire and Margaret joined me, I wrapped my arm around her and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
I wasn't going to act like everything's fine. I put her through so much trouble, and if the fight wasn't enough, I dragged her into an accident.
"Margaret... I am sorry for everything that I've done lately."
"I told you that it doesn't matter," she said and then she paused, "What matters is that we're okay, and we're together..." she continued, not breaking her eye contact with the dancing fire.
I didn't know what to say, it seems that she doesn't want to talk about it. I was kind of relieved when she said that, but just before I got too comfortable the flashbacks cracked through my skull like a bullet.
The gift I bought her was the necklace she was wearing; The Claddagh necklace. Two bare hands holding a heart that's wearing a crown. An irish symbol for friendship,
love and loyalty. It seemed like an okay gift; I was just hoping she would like it.
When I got home Margaret pretended that I never existed. The silent treatment was better than leaving me for good, that's what I thought.
I kept on pleading for her to talk to me, and eventually she did. I stood there before her, saying that I'm sorry for what I did and it won't happen again. I knew what she would think, that this isn't the first time, and she was sure it won't be the last. I handed her the necklace, to show her how sincere I really am. She seemed to like it, I was hoping she did. I helped her put the necklace on, and then I kissed her cheek, saying I'm sorry over and over again.
Then I stood there, with two bare hands and nothing but a bouquet of regrets.
It didn't feel like a simple necklace was enough, so I dedicated the whole day, or what was left of the day for her. I wouldn't neglect her anymore. I told her that we're going out to have dinner, which was a lame idea; but that was the only thing that was on my mind for the time. She agreed and we went out.
After minutes of contemplating my past failures, I decided to stop dwelling on it and maybe make things a little bit. I loosened the way I was holding her and I got
up. I took Margaret by the hand and pulled her up gently.
"I know that the last time I said this, it got us into an accident, but I promise you my soul today that it won't happen again." I said.
Margaret was silent, she didn't say anything.
"This is our day, okay? I'll make it up for you."
"Okay" and a smile were the only things I got from her.
We spent the rest of the day in the house, we decided on not going out and just stay here and enjoy each other's company. The day was over fast. I guess time also has a bad habit of going too fast when you're with someone you love. It was a simple day, nothing special was about it. But it was a day I would never want to forget...
It was time for us to go to bed. Today's been long and tiring, and we both needed to rest. It was nearly midnight.
I always liked the night; it seems to hold this charm, where everything around us falls into deep silence, like the whole world was dead. It feels like nothing really
matters, the world's gone but I'm okay with that, as long as she was beside me.
Margaret was already in bed, I followed her shortly after. I crawled to the other side of the bed facing her back, then I snuck my arm under her shoulders and kissed her neck. She held my hand.
"I missed you." I whispered, then she turned around to face me.
She giggled and said, "I missed you too."
I looked her in the eyes, and I got lost into their deep blue. It's funny how something so small can be as wide as the ocean, I would spent hours of my life doing nothing but gazing into them.
"Your eyes are beautiful." I said, brushing my hand on her right cheek.
She did nothing but giggle again, and I smiled.
"I never got the chance to say this, but the necklace looks good on you."
Right when I said that, her eyes kind of turned to colors so pale. They were still shinning, and they were still beautiful; but they were shinning with sorrow.
She broke eye contact after that.
"Is everything okay?" I asked her.
"I wish I could've worn it longer..." she said, in a broken voice.
"What do you mean? You can wear it as much as you want to..." Unsure of what she meant, that was all I could say, in a confused tone.
She took a breathe, and let a huge, loud sigh...
"You've never woken up from the accident."
Right after she said that, the tension in the air changed, the wind started blowing. It seemed like it was yearning, crying like a mother that has lost it's only child.
"What do you mean?"
Margaret burst into tears after I asked that. Whatever comfort I have felt before, turned into waves of knives stabbing me over and over.
"We had the accident last night-"
"The accident happened last month."
I felt like an idiot. I didn't understand what was going on, and I'm not sure if I even wanted to.
"This day... Today, it never happened..."
"When we were on our way back home... That night, when we had the argument, the accident... I died on impact."
"I died on impact."
These words kept repeating in my head. Like a bad tune that was stuck in your head, and no matter how hard you try to get it out, it just grows stronger.
"Th-that's not true... You're here! I'm holding you!" I said raising my voice, and pulling her towards me as hard as I could.
"You're in a coma... You still didn't wake up. But you will, soon. When this day ends."
I was lost for words. I couldn't process this.
I lay in front of her dumbfounded for a minuet.
"I don't want you to go..."
I managed to sneak in these words.
"I'm just glad you weren't the one who died -"
"Don't say that" I interrupted her. I didn't want to listen to this. I didn't want to go through it.
"You're going to live happily -"
"Stop! I'm not leaving! I-I can't live without you!"
Everything around me was dark and silent. I could see Margaret's mouth moving, but I couldn't make out the words she was saying, nor the words I was saying.
It was one of those moments when you wish you were dead, even though you weren't exactly alive.
I wanted to burrow time... The clock was ticking and I was running out of sand.
10, 9, 8 - All I could do was squeeze her body with all might
7, 6, 5 - and with so little time I wanted to do so much
4, 3, 2 - "I love you" were the last words I heard
1, and in that split of a second left, we kissed
...and then I woke up, to the sound of fireworks exploding like stars into the night's sky.
"I love you too."
© Copyright 2016 Raslan. All rights reserved.
Poem / Poetry
Poem / Poetry
Poem / Poetry
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