The Girl Who Didn't Exist

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Mystery and Crime  |  House: Booksie Classic

This is a closet drama that I have been working on. The main character is a young woman who suffers from Disassociative Identity Disorder (DID) as a direct result of childhood trauma. It does get graphic and deal with some tough subjects as the play progresses. I have added Part 1 to the monologue and will be adding parts 2-4 this weekend. Don't worry. The play doesn't end there. I just haven't written the rest.

{The small town of Ravenspell was nothing more than a speck on Pennsylvania's road map. It was home to a limited population of farmers, store owners and other proprietors. The citizens kept to themselves so that nothing in their little world would get disturbed. For that reason, nothing much ever went on in Ravenspell and when it did, the towns folk would rather ignore than acknowledge it. They liked to keep the image of their little town pure and unscathed by outside influences. Because of their ignorance, the good people never realized that evil was amongst them. It had been there all along. Twenty years ago, it discovered something abandon and precious. Something that the towns folk had walked past a hundred times that dismal evening and let alone. The evil swept the child away and took her to an old house on the hill, just overlooking Ravenspell. It had lived there for many years, had come to town often and no one blinked. The havoc wreaked upon that little life was something only ones nightmares could explain. Now the evil had been destroyed and his victim, battered physically and broken emotionally was looking for revenge. We join Sasha, who has been admitted to a psychiatric facility in Philadelphia. She is eager to tell her story, so that all will understand.}

Alone in the confines of her room, Sasha paces. There were no windows where she was, just a heavy, bolted iron door. A door that lead to the hallway that would eventually lead to outside. She hoped that she would never have to see outside again. Running her hand across the mattress of the only bed in the room, Sasha gazed at her surroundings. The only other pieces of furniture was a small desk and dresser. The plain white walls were almost transparent. There were no curtains (she could hang herself) or decorations. The floor was hardwood. A single wall clock was placed on the wall. It was the only sound in the room. Tick-Tock, Tick-Tock! Sasha shifts her focus. She had her own bathroom. It was about the size of a closet. At least the toilet was clean and the sink wasn't rusted. An attendant waited outside the door while she showered, just to make sure she didn't try anything funny. Sasha goes into the bathroom and walks past the mirror. She pauses. Slowly, turning her head, she stares at her reflection. Standard white tee-shirt with white linen pants. Her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, her face tired and gaunt. There was no more makeup hiding who she was. Still looking at herself in the mirror, she begins to speak. Her voice is low, with little emotion, almost robotic.

SASHA;Yes, I am the one Mother told you about. The one that would steal your heart in one love struck breath and than rip it from your chest, literally.  I am the one who was born in darkness. I tasted the foul city air before I was ever fed. My mother left me beneath a dirty old streetlight, bloody and screaming. At least she had the decency to wrap me in an old shirt before walking away. (sighs) I suppose it could be worse. I could have wound up in her trunk. (pauses and then continues speaking to her reflection). Someone else's mistake, what a tragic fate, for a little girl who had no name. (gives a short laugh) Ah, but what is really in a name? Now I have many, depending on which side you want to see. Passersby looked but didn't want to touch.  Hours later, I was finally found by a lonley old man (shivers). He called me his princess, as he carried me off.  But life would be nothing close to ever after. As I grew up, I believed I had been found by Satan himself. Hidden away, in a room by myself, Daddy lied. He always lied. He told me things were better this way. He told me I couldn't get hurt if I stayed in that room and most importantly, I could never leave him the way SHE did.  That sadistic old bastard! He painted my lips, painted my eyes and cut my hair so that I would look like her! Dressed me in her clothes, from my head to my toes, desperately trying to recreate the past. Once upon a time, he told me that he had loved her but she stabbed him in the back. Ran off with another who had more to offer, left him with nothing but a broken heart. I was his second chance, he couldn't resist. I was so small and alone. I grew to hate her, no not hate, LOATHE. I LOATHED her. She was first on my list, just as soon as I could find a way out.  Night after night, he beat me into submission. Tied and tortured me until every part of my body seemed to bleed. Needles under my fingernails, knife to my throat. I had to decide, his life or mine. (pauses) Since I am the one talking, we know how that turned out. I left his corpse behind to rot. Now it's just me and my friends. The ones that live inside my head. Carrying out the self fulfilling prophecy.  Only I know the journey we have taken. Only I can tell the tale. Join me so I can put this to rest, once and for all.

She steps away from the mirror and back into her little room. The pacing resumes as she glances nervously around. The memories swirled inside her head. It must almost be time for her meds. Sitting on the edge of her bed, she waits for the only company she would have tonight, continuing her story as she watches the clock.


Part 1:

Sasha is telling the story from her room. She is the narrator and main character all rolled into one. A dim light shows her off to the side, while the scenario below plays out.

(In the early morning hours, Sasha emerges from her captor’s home/prison. This was several days after one of her alter-egos reared its ugly head and ended the immediate hell they were facing. She had spent those last few days in the house watching the body of her kidnapper rot in a mess of his own dried blood until she could take it no more. “Rescued” as an infant and held in a single locked room, with no one else around but herself and the old man who had taken her, this was her first exposure to the outside world. It had been twenty years since she was left underneath the old street light, where her torment began. She had been taunted, tortured, physically/sexually/emotionally abused in ways only our nightmares could make us understand. The old man, he would never tell her his name for fear she may escape and tell the authorities, would dress her in his former lover’s clothing and makeup, then raped her in the very bed he and his girlfriend used to make love in.  Sasha had cleaned herself up, first time she had taken a shower without him watching, dressed in the very clothes she hated as those were the only ones available and stepped out onto the lopsided front porch for the first time, addressing her first impressions of the world she had been hidden from out loud.)

SASHA: (From inside her room)  Freedom was nothing like I imagined. It took me days to find the courage to leave. I watched his body rot ‘til the stink drove me out. I was a vampire, figuratively speaking, the sun it burned my eyes.  The air, it smelled so bad. Not as bad as the smell of HER perfume, though. The perfume he sprayed me with every day so he could be close to her scent. When I didn't want it, he would spray it in my eyes and in my mouth. It's a wonder I didn't go blind or become poisoned as I often resisted this ritualistic act of his. I wasn't sure that I even wanted to be outside but I knew I couldn't go back in. 

NEVERMORE: (voice changes to an angrier, more sinister tone) You were too weak to face the truth.

SASHA: (to herself) Will you hush, this isn’t your story to tell! (faces the audience) I looked around for what seemed to be forever. I knew I was here but didn't know where here was. He told me what different things were like the birds and the trees. He gave me some education but not much. The more knowledge I had, the more of a chance I could turn on him.  Occasionally, I was allowed to look out the bedroom window, through the iron bars he kept on it. I had never been outside before this. The only contact I had was with that wretched old man.

NEVERMORE: And who's fault was that?

SASHA: Shut up!  Didn't they get rid of you yet? I decided to bring the picture from the house, the one he made me stare at every day, all day and night. If I could find my way into town, someone there would surely know her. For twenty years, I suffered in her name...(Nevermore interrupts her thought).

,NEVERMORE: And in her clothes, and in her makeup, and in her bed…

SASHA: I WASN'T talking to you!

NEVERMORE:  (snorts) Why don’t you let me take over and tell them how it all went down. That's what they really want to hear. They want to hear how you let me out to right the wrong. If it wasn't for me, you'd be the one stinking up the house, instead of living it up in this fabulous room.

SASHA: (twirling her hair around her right index finger) I didn’t ask for you, you just appeared! No one told you to save me, no one told you my life was to be spared. Now, do me a favor, and get the hell out of my head!

NEVERMORE: (disgusted) Oh, Sasha, you really are a drag. Just skip to the good parts and tell them how I ended things with the dearly departed.

SASHA: (exasperated) Oh go on and tell it if you must. You just love to hear yourself talk. I must look ridiculous arguing with myself.

NEVERMORE: Nevermind, I'll shut my mouth. No one wants to hear you whine.

SASHA: You seduced him, made him think that time we wouldn't fight. Than took the knife from his hand and stabbed him in the gut. Not once, not twice but OVER and OVER AGAIN! (sounds childlike) There was so much blood!

(Shows Sasha, who was than Nevermore, repeatedly stabbing her captor over and over again. The overkill was tremendous, the blood was heavy. Sasha is in shock. She has no idea what just happened, how it happened or who it was that did it. She dropped the knife onto the floor and sat staring at the mangled body.)

NEVERMORE: (sinister laugh) Ah yes, the blood, it spattered. Sprayed against the wall and the dressers. His screams were stifled by the gurgles. Such pleasure we received, watching him writhe in pain (giggles).The bubbles came out his nose and mouth.

(Sasha sat on the bed in front of the old man shaking. His body was convulsing as he gasped for air. Finally, he came to rest as his eyes rolled up in his head. Sasha rocks back and forth whimpering.)

SASHA: I shouldn't have been so nervous. No one would ever know. I was the girl who didn't exist. There was no birth certificate or fingerprints. He didn't have any friends to miss him.  But if anyone did happen to come by, we wouldn't be found. Now it was off to find the bitch that caused my pain, the one in the picture. The one he died in vain for.

NEVERMORE: We vowed to make her suffer.


SASHA: Just like we did. Now, if I could only find where she hid.

Still incredibly sensitive to the light, Sasha chose to wander the town at dusk. Until than, she remained hidden in the woods surrounding the hell house. Finally, she found peace in an old abandoned cemetery, creating a temporary home inside a desecrated mausoleum. The chain lock had been broken off by vandals and the doors swung wide open at the slightest tough. It is inside the mausoleum, surrounded by stone walls and a lonely sarcophagus, that we see how vulnerable Sasha really is as Baby emerges to help her cope with her fears.

BABY: (quivering) Aren’t you afraid?

SASHA: Afraid of what? There is no one here but us.

NEVERMORE: (interrupts) Technically speaking, however, there is someone else residing here.  (eyes shift toward the marble sarcophagus)

SASHA: He’s already dead, I doubt there is much he can do. (Walks over and looks at the writing inscribed on the side of the sarcophagus) William Alexander Watson died 1869. (talking to the sarcophagus as if she expects an answer) Well, I guess you HAVE been in here a while, huh? Looks like everyone forgot about you too.

NEVERMORE: (sarcastic) Looks like you found someone you have something in common with.

SASHA: Piss off.

BABY: (terrified) Don’t get so close! You’ve never seen one of those things before. What if he really isn’t dead?

Nevermore: She hasn't seen anything before. Remember that bastard kept us locked up?

BABY:  I don’t like this. I don’t know where I am.  I don’t even know who I am! (screaming) SOMEONE HELP ME!

Sasha retreats to a corner of the mausoleum and sits down, rocking back and forth. Her inner-child, the part that was never developed, nurtured or had a chance to grow, has surfaced. She is trying to protect the adult Sasha from the unknown, which at this point, is everything around her.

SASHA: (from inside her room) I was terrified, yet as unfamiliar as it was, the cemetery was the only place that felt like home. I didn't care if I ever left there but the rest of me had other plans.

NEVERMORE:  Ladies, could we please get it together?  We have a job to do. There are scores to be settled, more than one. We can't hold back. What's done is done.

BABYIf what’s done is done, can’t we just move on?

SASHAThat would be too simple. She’s already got us in trouble by killing the old man. Sometimes I wish she was the one who was dead.

NEVERMORE: (rolls her eyes) I can’t die, Precious. Haven’t you figured it out?  You created me to save yourself.  Now there is no getting out. I am part of you, I call the shots. Do as I say and you will be okay. Now dry your eyes and put Baby to bed. When night falls, there will be nothing left unsaid.

(Night has taken over. The cemetery is completely black with the exception of a slight silver glow from the sliver moon above. Sasha has become so overwhelmed with her freedom and the outrage from her alter egos that she has buried herself deep within the confines of her psyche. Nevermore has emerged to see to it that they receive justice for all the years they suffered. She begins her clever rampage as soon as it appears to be safe, while embarking on her own monologue as her journey moves forward).

NEVERMORE: (speaking to no one in particular as she walks through the cemetery towards the unsuspecting town) Who am I? No one knows right now but when all is said and done, EVERYONE will know my name. I’m not really a murderous bitch, I prefer to think of myself as “damage control.” Sasha is too weak and neglected to handle the difficult things in life. Baby, well, she is what her name says she is. Poor thing never really had a chance to grow up the way little girls should. (shakes her head) Then again, what do I know about the way little girls should grow up? I’m not the one who was actually born and dumped. I am just a part of the one who was. The part that raged silently for all those years,who stood by and watched as he did her OVER AND OVER AGAIN! (Takes a deep breath) Now, now. That won’t accomplish anything. We must keep a clear head if we want to be successful in our plans.We musn’t let the others out, they are too SCARED to understand. We must find a way to keep them in. (sounds nervous) If we let them out, they could put a damper on things. If they put a damper on things, we go back to square one. (pauses) Wait, we can't go back to square one. He's dead. (laughing maliciously) He's dead!

(She comes to the cemetery gates that lead out to a dirt road. The dirt road leads into town, where Nevermore believes they will find the woman from the picture. Sasha had taken the picture from the house. It was time to start showing the townsfolk and see if anyone recognizes her. Nevermore pauses before exiting the cemetery. She realizes they don’t even know the name of the town they have been trapped in all these years. It was almost like being in a foreign country. Inside her mind, Sasha and Baby struggled to step forward. They want her to see reason. Nevermore pushes them back inside abruptly. If she had only found the nerve to surface sooner, the old man would have been dead a long time ago. It was because of them she was suppressed. Now it was her turn to take center stage).

Nevermore: (Still speaking out loud to herself in a sing song voice) Such a beautiful night, isn’t it? The moon is but a sliver, a little silver sliver.The stars, they look so bright. (Her thoughts wander into a subtle flashback)Sometimes he would let me look out through the bars on the window, if I was good. Sasha would wish on a star that someone would find her. (returns to the present and to her mission) Such a beautiful night to get some answers.

(Spots a building on the side of the road. It appears to be an old gas station, not that she would have known that off the top of her head. She couldn’t even read the sign. Reaching into her pocket, she took out the framed photograph and marches inside.)

Gas Station Attendant: (tips his hat) Good evening, Maam. What brings a fine looking lady like you out here at this hour of the night?

NEVERMORE: (puts the picture down on the counter) This!

Gas Station Attendant: (looks at the picture and then looks bewildered) I’m sorry, maam. I don’t know what you’re asking.

NEVERMORE: (rolls her eyes) Do you know this woman?

Gas Station Attendant: (shakes his head) I’m sorry, maam. I don’t have the foggiest idea who she is.

(Nevermore believes the gas station attendant is lying. She has no reason to believe he would tell the truth. She puts the photograph back in her dress pocket and pretends to browse. Finds a bin with snow shovels in it against the back wall. Eyes the attendant and then the shovels. Picking up the shovel, she approaches the counter from the side. The attendant is looking down at some dirty magazine. Nevermore reaches up with the shovel and comes down on the center of the gas station attendant’s skull, splitting it in two. As his head hit the counter, she snickered)

NEVERMORE: That’s what you get for being a lying mother- f*****

Nevermore is still at the gas station, standing over the split skull of the unsuspecting gas station attendant. She looked at the blood spatter across her dress. Now what would she wear into town? Wearing a blood stained dress in public could spell disaster for her little plan. She looked around to see if this hole in the wall had any clothes hanging around.)

SASHA: (speaking from within) What did you do?

NEVERMORE: (gritting her teeth) What needed to be done.

SASHA: He didn’t do anything to you.

NEVERMORE: (bitterly) He lied. They ALL lie!

SASHA: (bewildered) You don’t know that! He may have never seen her before.

NEVERMORE: (shaking her head) You really are nieve, aren’t you? Didn’t you hear the way the old man talked about HER?How well known she was, how much money she had, how beautiful she was? That’s why he forced us into her clothes, did our hair like hers, painted our face to look like her! He wanted us to be her! (lets out a morbid giggle and circles the corpse) It’s a shame he wasn’t more truthful. He really did have a nice face.

SASHA: (ashamed) That’s sick.

NEVERMORE: Oh shut up and help me find something to wear. You never know who is going to walk in here.

SASHA: You could just lock the door.

NEVERMORE: (nodding) For once you make sense.

SASHA: And you’re supposed to be the master mind?

NEVERMORE: Shut up! (she spots a rack in the corner filled with T-shirts and sweatpants with the town logo on it.(shakes her head). How tacky!

SASHA: At least it’s something to wear since you stained our dress.

(Nevermore rolls her eyes and starts looking for the bathroom. She found it behind the door marked EMPLOYEE’S ONLY. She took a chance opening the door since she is illiterate. Sign could have said EXPLOSIVES and she wouldn’t have known the difference. The bathroom was small, almost closet like. Nevermore found it hard to close the door behind her. There was a dirty toilet and a rusty sink. Above the sink was a cloudy mirror. It looked as if the glass had never been cleaned. She gazed into the mirror, at the blood stains on her face. Taking her hands, she spreads the blood across her cheeks and lips. Her eyes narrowed and began to harden, her breathing became shallow and rapid, underneath the blood, her face flushed bright pink. With a scream, Nevermore puts her fist through the glass, slicing her knuckles. Desperately, she scrubs at her face with sandpaper like paper towels trying to get the blood off, leaving angry red welts in the aftermath. )

NEVERMORE: (Shouting in a manic way) MONSTER!  MONSTER! MONSTER!

(Continues to scrub at her face until she felt the strength drain from her body. She collapses on the bathroom floor, sobbing in a mix of her own blood and the blood of the gas station attendant. The metallic taste touched her tongue and she fought to swallow it down. A new voice emerges. This is Chloey. Chloey is the internal mother figure, if you will. She has come forward to gain control of the other personalities in hopes to better execute their plan. In reality, Chloey is a condescending bitch who does more harm than good. She is believed to be Sasha’s mother as Sasha sees her in her own psyche).

CHLOEY: Well, aren’t you a fine mess?Get yourself up off of the floor and get changed . I am so ashamed of you. Laying in a pool of blood, on a dirty bathroom floor! Get up, I said!

(Nevermore/Chloey slowly got to her feet and stripped off the blood stained dress. She quietly washed her hands and face. The soap stung her knuckles and she jumped.)

CHLOEY: That’s more like it! Good girl! Now are you ready to return to work?

NEVERMORE: (staring into the broken mirror. She could see pieces of her reflection in the shattered glass. It looked very much like her soul, divided into many but only one could prevail. Nodding, her words and expression became methodical, almost robotic) I am ready. (Still staring at reflection). I am sorry, Mother. I won’t fall apart again.

CHLOEY: (from inside) That’s a good girl. Now finish getting changed so we can get out of here. Someone is going to need something from here soon. You don’t want to be here when they find the door locked and see that poor man slumped over the desk out there.

NEVERMORE: I had no choice. He lied. (eyes widen) What about the shovel?

CHLOEY: Leave it be. Remember, my dear, you don’t exist.

NEVERMORE: Because you abandoned me. Left me under a streetlight without even so much as a name. You let that old bastard find and torture me. YOU DID THIS!

CHLOEY: I did no such thing. You need to stop singing that song. Your MOTHER did that to you, Dear. I am simply here to guide you when you fall apart. Nothing more nothing less. I didn’t abandon you, sweet Nevermore. I helped save you.

(Nevermore slipped back out to the front of the gas station. She took a rose from the flower bin near the register and laid it next to the body. She really did feel badly about killing the attendant.)

NEVERMORE: I am sorry things had to end like this. If you had only told me where to find HER, perhaps we could have gone on a date.

(She unlocks the door and hastily exits the gas station, checking to make sure no one could see her leaving. Walking a bit quicker, Nevermore heads in the direction of town. Ravenspell had not seen anything like her before. They were all in for a major surprise.)

Submitted: September 19, 2014

© Copyright 2021 Raven Quill Steeleheart. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:


Nikki Evans

This was so disturbingly awesome. You did a great job ion introducing us to Sasha and really explaining her background and her state of (un)stable mind. She's really very sympathetic and I particularly like the line: "I had to decide, his life or mine. Since I am the one talking, we know how that turned out." Really scary with her matter of fact approach. Great job!

Fri, September 19th, 2014 3:21am


So glad you enjoyed this. I added Part 1 and will be adding Parts 2-4 this weekend. I want to keep it all on one thing if I can before publishing it to e-book.

Thu, September 18th, 2014 8:46pm

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