when your end drives to your beginning

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


After two mouths and seven days of delivering the news Jawzas parents decided that she is depressed. In fact Jawza could not see that just because she 24/7 in her room going over old albums of herself when she was younger, full of life and happier also eating the same meal four days a week and wearing the same black flowy hoodie with a bold words of (was meant to be dead) and reading articles of people before the die or comet suicide does not mean she is depressed in her point of view

.Now you are all wounding what's was the news that turned her life upside down as if tornado had slapped her by her own it all started by the end of the summer of 2016 when  Jawza and her family was waiting desperately for a call a life changing call not only for Jawza but to everyone who care and loved her.Jawza was hearing every breath every sound around her she was able to hear every sound every ring tone every squeak but she didn’t want to hear the news that is going to be delivered to her in a few minutes. Jawza holds her mother's hand that were shacking as if they were playing the dumps and whispered  in a very smooth tone it's all going to be fine remember you always tell me mom think good to be good

 

. few minutes later the phone rang and Jawzas mother picks up and the words she heard was killing her she felt as if someone had grape her heart and squeezed it way to hard the words we are sorry to inform you was enough it was what they were afraid of Bella, Jawzas mother starts breathing so fast and blasted with tears there was no need for her to say anything Jawza has fully understand it was what she was truing to a void it was what she did not want to hear. Jawza hold her hand against the wall and start shouting I should’ve known that I should have expected that. She was way too young to be able to handle such news she was way to incessant to have this killing monster running through her blood.

 

Jawza took a deep breath and went to her room she crawled to bed and started crying she didn’t knew how to feel she did not know what to do this beautiful young girl started asking herself is it the end of my story? She was way too confused to know what she is involved in. Jawza started going through her life or what she was going in past few month she shouts and said I should have expect that the sudden weight loss, Unusual bleeding , continuous fever and head ach every once and a while how did I not see it how could this even be real?

 She couldn’t full sleep all what was coming to her mind the way she would look she believes  that her long black hair will be switched to a pearling bold skull that her parents could she there reflection through it her wide deer eyes will turn into pandas eyes her long camel eyelashes will not exist anymore  her skin tone would be as pale as a chicken noodles soup that canton serves and her lips will turn from smooth lips into a rough as the street floors and her bones will stick out of her body because of the drugs she will be taking . Killing ideas was coming to her in every second that night she hated it but she could not stoop it she could not do anything about it.

After jawzas parents getting to the conclusion she was depressed they decided to send her into therapy and support group while in the other hand she hated the idea and wanted to prove them wrong .It was not the most satisfying thing for Jawza to do .Bella called jawza into the wide leaving room that was filled of her childhood pictures and asked her to have a seat.

 Jawza "what is it beautiful Bella aka mom?"

 Bella "can you be a little bit more serious?"

Jawza "okay mother I'm sorry just trying to enjoy life just like you asked"

Bella" we suggest that it might be a good idea for you to join a therapy and support group"

Jawza "UGHHHHH"

Bella" honey I hate seeing you so sad and not doing things that you're used to do such as going to the gym, shopping all the time and having friends over "

Jawza "MOM nothing is like before can't you get it I'm happy I'm totally satisfied with my social life ok?"

Bella" you’ve said it nothing is like before that’s way a support group would be a great idea"

Jawza "you’ve just broke my heart, I will prove you wrong Bella marry excuse me I meant mom"

Bella "I'm not asking you to go any more only in one condition if you proved that you are not depressed then things would take different track"

 

Jawza went to her room and started thinking of what her mom just told her, she sat by the window in her room with her old stuffed unicorn and talked to it as if it will understand her "see my beautiful stuffed unicorn my mom thinks I should join a support group hmmm? What do I think about it you ask? I hate seeing my parents sad because of what I go through this kills me even more that the shitty drugs I take every day. I should do something about it". Jawza ran into the mirror and tilted her head about 90 degrees and she started seeing something and recognizing something she never know or felt before and said "I can do it; I will do it I'm stronger than that I will kill it before it kills me." She repeated the sentence more than once she wanted to scream it out loud.

 

In the next morning jawza decided to organize a small birthday party to start getting her social life back together .She backed a cake and cookies added snacks all over the table also asked her father to buy colorful balloons and turned on the music. Jawza invited more that one of her close friends her old good friends she tried hard to enjoy the moment , later at night the lights went a little bit darker music stopped and her parents entered singing "happy birthday to you happy birthday dear Jawza happy birthday to you "Jawza closed her eyes and inhaled an air and whispered her wish "I wish that I will have the enough power to overcome cancer ,I wish that from now own I would be apple to interact with my body and have a fear fight." After blowing the candles and eating the cake the visitors began leaving. Jawza felt really exhausted so she wanted to sleep as soon as possible. When she finished from her daily night routine she felt so weird she described it as if someone was dancing through her body in the beginning she neglected it.Jawza felt way too tired to go upstairs to her room so she wanted to lay on the sofa for a while.

While jawza was in the leather black sofa one legs on the ground and another one in the sofa her arms dangling back and forth her eyes partially open and partially closed as if she was looking into eclipse she heard a voice stating the following:

 

 "Hello young lady we are your body cells and we are here to have a fear fight with you just like you asked"

Jawza"whhhhaaat???

Cells "it's not something that you might believe but miracles do exist"

Jawza"OMG,OMG,OOOOMMMMGGGG"

Bella entered the living room as fast as possible "what is it jazz? Is there any pain? Do we need to call your doctor?

Jawza"god no mom why should everything revolve around my cancer can you please chill for a while and forget about it?"

Bella "sorry my love my bad"

Jawza "chill Belle I'm only day dreaming can you believe that? I guess I'm way too exhausted to think my body cell would talk to me?"

Bella"I guess you are because that would never happen in a million years"

Jawza"right? good night mom"

Bella "good night honey don’t forget to take your pills"

Jawza "I won't already done with my routine"

 

The next morning Jawza had an appointment so she and her mom went there after the check up the doctor asked her to put her clothes on while she talks to her mom while wearing her jeans she knocked her toes and heard a voice saying "awww can be a little bit more carful?"The voice was coming from her toes Jawza opened her eyes and was totally surprised she know by then she is not dreaming the other day and it was all real she was so shocked but only a matter of minutes and the doctor Ellena called her so she rushed into her office and talked to her about an updates in her case.

Elana"dear Jawza I know it's not easy for you to hear that nor it is easy for me to say it"

Jawza cuts off the doctor "what about it I hate those introductions."

Elana"Im so sorry to inform you but your cancer is spreading faster than expected."

Jawza"so??"

Elana "we need to increase your drugs number, add extra chemo therapy."

Jawza "increasing my drugs like into what a 100 drug ? I'm already taking 15 drugs per day, and my chemo therapies are way enough to kill me?"

Bella" jawza please lower your voice"

Elena "its fine Bella I get it not easy at all."

Jawza "how long?"

Elana "what do you mean?"

Jawza " don’t act as if you don’t understand me."

Elena "I don’t believe that your story has a terrible ending that’s what Im sure of "

Jawza"OHHH really that’s what you all say because you don’t what me to feel worse well guess what dr.Elana you have successfully heart me."

 

Jawza rushed out of the room running and crying thought the corridors of the hospital after leaving the hospital she went to the beach and started walking in the sand while it's raining and it's time for the sun set Jawza blasted with tears and talked to her cells and organs in a very sad terrified tone asking for a chance asking them to be stronger, asking them to fight the killing monster in her body and lastly asking for mercy.

 

Later at night Jawza went to her mother and told her she is ready to fight back and inter the battle stronger than before a voice inside her deep inside her had a strong feeling that she can do it she can get over it Bella was so happy that Jawza had a strong potential to fight and stand I her feet back again. For jawza to win the battle she had to fight back strongly her doctor recommended a certain diet, limited number of action staying in the hospital for few months so they can have checkups on her daily and the most important thing to be mentally and physically ready for hair lost weight lost ,a slight disability and having eating disorder in response of chemo therapy and the huge number of drugs despite the fact Jawza know it won't be easy she wanted to try to get her health back she wanted to relieve her family and return the smile back to their faces .

 

After seven month and four days while Jawza was sitting in the bed with a blue sheet and room that holds many inspiring quotes all over the place and wide windows that light inter thought also a vanity full of makeup and perfumes mentioning the huge sofa which  she sets in and talks to her organs and cell each night.by that time Jawza had a strong bond with her cell to the extent that when they fight because one of them was about to give up during a chemo therapy or in a surgery room there fight ends after few minutes only. After Jawza lost all of her hair and lost about 15 kg her organs convinced her and made her see herself even prettier than what she would see herself before also after each chemo therapy Jawza always apologies to her cells because they go some really hard shit as Jawza would say.

 

After twenty one hour of  jawzas last chemo therapy she felt very tired and refused to eat or drink anything that day she only wanted to lay in bed and read the bible a voice inside her was different her organs was not responding to her at all she know something was not okay she felt that her bones were touching each other that night she described that night as a roller coaster in the highest point and it will only fell and the pain would be relieved if she died.The doctors that night was all over jawzas head they were confused they all had a hight hopes they all reached to a point that they believe she would get rid of it .

 

At 12:05 am in newyork cancer hospital in a very rainy day a voice of the heart rate machine start giving sounds that Bella explained as a fair alarm that scares a makes everyone terrified Jawza no longer can breathe Jawza no longer can laugh Jawza no longer would call her mom beautiful Bella Jawza no longer would read the bible each night before she sleeps no more Jawza everyone it was the end of her story it was the end of what a strong cancer fighter can give.

 

That was only what came to their minds after her heart stopped pumping blood and even though it seems that Jawza and her organs was ready to give up her heart rate was back to normal the fighter is back except this time with a pure body a body with no cancer a body that does not hold a monster in her finally Jawza was fine finally her end was nothing but happiness and satisfaction.

 

When a person wants a thing they can do no matter how hard or easy it may get. Believe it to make it to live it. Remember Talia and the little fish that told her "just keep swimming just keep swimming" those things made Jawza stronger find you a goal that will satisfy you and relieve you one day. 


Submitted: December 27, 2017

© Copyright 2021 rayan. All rights reserved.

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