Why won't you kill me?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
Questioning humanity.

Submitted: August 05, 2010

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Submitted: August 05, 2010

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Why is solitude so close?  Why is it that i can reach out and touch it and get my hand burnt?  Why is it that I cannot seem to see myself or my reflection?  Why is it that I keep stabbing you over and over and over again and i can't stop myself?  I try so hard and yet I see your tears and I feel your pain and I don't even pause?  Why is it that you won't kill me?  Every time I hurt you, I tear at my skin for you.  I do it for you.  I strip myself of any faith or redemption because I know I don't deserve it.  But my love... Why will you not kill me?!  I cannot stand to see you suffer any longer!  I only destroy and ruin.  I can't create anything beautiful.  I can't see the day shine.  I only see its shadows.  I am sorry.  I have hurt you so.  I cannot reverse time so I simply must punish myself for your pain.  Why is it that I feel as lonely as ever.  I see faces and figures and dismal words but they are just passing.  I can't look at myself or my reflection.  I do not wish to.  Why do you refuse to kill me?!  I hurt you and stab you and do terrible things yet you still will not.  I do not understand but i do not deny it either.  What i feel is agony and i deserve every last drop of it.  I deserve to be in extreme agony for all eternity for hurting you.  I dare not get close to anyone else because I will hurt them too.  I know I will as I have before.  So... If you do not wish to kill me and end my agony then alright.  I will let you do what you will with me for I deserve everything.  I see your face everyday and I am only reminded of your tears; The tears that I caused!  But i should look at you and see what I have done because it is for the best.  But please torture me as much as you want because nothing would give me more pleasure as to seeing you thrive and take revenge on me who has hurt you.  I can not help it!  Please let me die fast.  I deserve it all.  Everything and anything you bestow me with!!!!  Solitude is a strange thing.  I have it with me always and will have it forever and ever.  I will have the pain of watching you suffer with me as well.  I am truly sorry.  NO apology could compensate for what I did.  I see so many dismal faces yet I cannot seem to find their souls.  I deserve to die for what I did to you.  If you ever read this then i beg that you will not forgive me but instead wil send me to the bowles of hell.


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