Who do you see ?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: True Confessions  |  House: Booksie Classic
Imagine, being someone else for a day. getting into their head, Understanding, How they feel, Getting to know who they really are. Well i wish...

Submitted: May 06, 2012

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Submitted: May 06, 2012

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I look into the mirror, what do I see? I see me. A girl who has been broken. This girl who has been broken, she has tried helping others without trying to help herself. This broke her more. This girl, who’s been broken, has been broken to the point of never finding those pieces that have been pulled from her. This broken girl cuts to help her fall asleep… What do I see when I look into the mirror? I see A girl whose been torn. This girl believes she has nothing left to give. She wants to end it all, she knows she’s worthless. This girl has started believing the lies that have been forced upon her. This girl needed help, she couldn’t find it. This girl has no one. What do I see when I look into the mirror? I see a girl whose alone, I see this girl whose crying out for help, but isn’t crying loud enough for people to come to her rescue. She knows she’s alone, she knows she’s being muffled by the thoughts. This girl needed someone to hear her cry, she needed to know she wasn’t alone, but it’s too late now this girl is gone. She had enough, she knew it was her time, time to let go of the past… as she slowly slipped away into the darkness she heard a cry… by then it was too late she was gone, she couldn’t hear the other girls crying for her help… what do I  see when I look in the mirror? I see a girl who wants to be someone. This girl didn’t believe she could ever be loved nor would she believe that anyone could care for her. She never spoke about the pain she was in or what was going through her mind. She kept everything hidden inside, she put up this fake front which made everyone believe she was fine. She didn’t mind the constant lying. She hoped it would all end soon. It’s sad to say but it ended sooner than she had hoped, there was no time for any goodbyes, no I love you all. She just left. This girl lost all hope, she lost all faith. I lost her. What do I see when I look into the mirror? I see a girl who has been through the worst. This girl she has a story. This girl couldn’t understand what was going wrong in her life, which caused her to turn to the one thing she knew would help her forget about everything. This girl, she pushed everyone away, she tried to forget about everything, and this only made the reality worse. She believed, she wasn’t this person who was hurting. This only made her hurt herself, physically and mentally. Most nights she used to stay up till early hours of the morning thinking of ways to push her towards the road of no return, this normally ended with self-harming. She never told anyone this but every time she picked up a blade she couldn’t put it down even if she tried. This girl has fought to stay alive, she didn’t believe she was strong enough nor the people who told her she was strong enough.. This girl now believes she’s strong enough, she now believes that is worthy to stay alive. This girl is me…

Yes, I believed I was alone. Yes, I believed I was worthless. Yes I believed I had nothing to live for. Yes I believed I didn’t deserve to be loved… I still believe I’m broken, but I’m fine with that. Nobody knows the stories behind the lies. The stories behind the fake smiles. You may accuse me of being fake or being conceited, it’s not like I haven’t heard it before. You say I’m not like ‘that girl’, really? How would you know?  You never asked if I was okay. You just assumed because I’m smiling meant I was happy, but, oh were you wrong… maybe I was just a good actor, who would know. Well I sure didn’t.  I’m trying to start anew, but it isn’t good enough for you. It’s like you thrive on my pain, you want to see me suffer. Why? Am I not allowed to be happy for once? Or is it too much to ask for? For heaven’s Sake! Sometimes I wish I was normal. The thing is… normal doesn’t exist so im fine just being me.

 

To be continued ...


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