ranting raven

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
a girl is having guy troubles. she wants him, he doesnt want her. shes a raven, drowning in troubles and confusion, and heartbreak. much like the raven who drowned in the horses water.

Submitted: December 12, 2012

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Submitted: December 12, 2012

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BOYS! WHERE TO EVEN BEGIN?! THEY SAY HEY, YOU SAY HI, THEY SAY WASSUP, YOU SAY NOTHING MUCH. WBU? WELL! NOTHING IS THEIR REPLY. NOTHING!!! THEN THATS THE END OF THE CONVERSATION BECAUSE EVERYTHING YOU SAY TO HIM HE ONLY REPLIES WITH LOL!!! WTH?!! ITS NOT EVEN THAT FUNNY. WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOU LIKE ME THEN AVOID ME AT ALL COSTS AT SCHOOL? WHY WOULD YOU NEVER TEXT ME? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN TELL ME YOU LIKE ME IF YOU NEVER REALLY DID? WAS IT BECAUSE IM SUDDENLY NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU KNOW THAT YOU WILL NEVER EVER "GET SOME"? IM IN HIGH SCHOOL, AND IM A GIRL. ITS NOT CALLED HOOKERVILLE (ALTHOUGH SOMETIMES THAT WOULD BE A VERY PROPER NAME FOR OUR SCHOOL BECAUSE THERE ARE ALOT OF DISGUSTING INDIVIDUALS WHO HOOK UP WITH EVERYONE THEY SEE.) AND I AM NOT ONE OF YOUR DISGUSTING SLUTTY WHORES FROM JR. HIGH. ITS TIME FOR YOU TO GROW UP AND REALIZE THAT REAL GIRLS LIKE ME ARE SUPPOSED TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT AND NOT JUST MESSED WITH FOR FUN AND THEN DITCHED BECAUSE WE DONT DO THE NASTY. THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS. AND QUITE FRANKLY YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. YOU WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT A REAL GIRLS LOVE IS LIKE. EVER.

I remember how much i used to hate you. you would always say my name out loud infront of the class, knowing i was the shy type. and i was always late for class so you decided to pay extra attention to me. i hated you. finally one morning i couldnt take it so i just fliped you off and said "screw you!" i hated you. you were the biggest guy, all tall and buffed up football player constantly intimidating everyone you got the chance to. i hated you.

I DONT EVEN KNOW WHY I STARTED LIKING YOU. MAYE IT WAS BECAUSE YOU CAME OVER ON THANKSGIVING AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU HAD CHANGED AND BECAME A NICE GUY WHO WAS WILLING TO WORK HARD AND HELP PEOPLE OUT WHO NEEDED IT. LIKE MY MOM. SHE COULD NEVER LIFT THE CHRISTMAS TREE OR MOVE THE BOXES FROM THE GARAGE TO THE FRONT PORCH. SHE COULD NEVER TAKE THAT MUCH WEIGHT ON, BECAUSE SHE HAD A VERY BAD BACK.

MAYBE I LIKED YOU WHEN YOU CAME OVER TO HELP US HANG LIGHTS. MY BEST FRIEND WAS OVER AND MAYBE I FELT LIKE I HAD TO COMPETE. I DONT REALLY KNOW WHY I LIKED YOU, ALL I KNOW IS THAT I DID. I WANTED TO HOLD YOUR HAND AND BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND. NO NE WOULD PICK ON ME BECAUSE YOURE A NICE GUY AND YOU SEEM MORE CAPABLE OF STANDING UP FOR YOUR GIRLFRIENDS THAN MY EX BOYFRIEND DID WHEN HIS LITTLE GIRLFRIENDS STARTED JUMPING ON ME AND ATTACKING ME. I KNEW THAT IF WE DATED OR WHATEVER THAT YOU WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE TO PROTECT ME. AND THERE WOULD BE A SMALLER RISK WITH ATTACHMENT ISSUES BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR EX. YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER DIDNT LAST THAT LONG, SO I FIGURED YOU WOULD BE ALRIGHT. AND LESS DRAMA FOR ME.

and i was right. but you know what hurt me the most? i really liked you. i havent dated anyone since my first boyfriend back in 8th grade. i thought i actually had a chance with you and you were such a cool guy and i felt like i could be myself with you. and i could. but then i started caring more. and thats when my mother said you were texting your ex girlfriend. carmen. i hoped she couldnt see my face fall and my heart become crushed like it always does when a crush goes bad. i tried not liking you because i knew it would happen sooner or later. i mean lets face it. no guy will ever accept me for who i am and he will never ask me out. i am destined to be alone just like the family curse says. ill be just like my mom. my grandma. my great grandma, and all the way up. and its sad. and depressing.

what really ended us though, was when you kept "LOL" ing after every text i sent. it wasnt a conversation anymore. it was a quick duplicate text so you could text other people. but you didnt want to be rude and leave me hanging. then i made the mistake of complimenting you and saying that you were funny. you said k. then i became frustrated with you not caring and i wanted your attention so i called you WEIRD. you said wow. i replied "whats wow? its true tho. you are a little weird." then you said BYE.then i replied ? okay, bye, then you said bye again. i told you that you already said that. then i guess you got angry. because you said BYE!!! i knew that was the end. i knew i shouldnt have even liked you from the beginning. i knew it was too good to be true. you never liked me. im too innocent and sweet for you. im still a little girl that wears hair bows and hides behind my hair when i feel insecure.

i tried to be nicer. thinking that i mightve hurt your feelings when i called you weird. sometimes that hurts my feelings when people call me weird. they have called me weird since pre-k. i sent another text saying "dont be mad. i didnt mean for you to take it as an insult." and i really didnt. i thought we were just joking around. we always joke around. but i guess its my fault. its always my fault. sometimes i get so sick of it being my fault. that i wish i was the raven who drowned in the horses water.

 


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