Tears and heartache

Reads: 308  | Likes: 0  | Shelves: 0  | Comments: 0

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

More Details
Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
Here is the results of a foolish girl who falls too fast and too hard into love.

Submitted: January 22, 2013

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 22, 2013

A A A

A A A


Whats wrong with me? There's got to be something wrong with me. I keep telling myself that over and over as I look in the mirror with such great disgust for myself. I hate me. What is that ugly thing looking back at me?! My heart is broken and all I can do about it is beat myself up a little more! Why do I do it though?! I look back at the mirror until I can't stand looking at myself which I've now started to refer to myself as " that thing!" I try to stop the flow of criticism. But my mind just babbles on about how ugly I am. I'm not curvy enough. I'm not pretty enough in the face. My clothes aren't right, there's no sparkle its just plain boring clothes. Comfy, but boring and unattractive. And I keep telling myself that I am mean! I am. Only because I'm afraid to show my emotions. But seriously. I'm cursed. I used to be nice. I once loved a handsome boy. His name was Blake. He was my everything. I didn't have to eat or sleep or drink. I felt as if I could soley survive on his existence. He was my first love, and my first kiss my first date. He was mine. But like all good things, this one ended too soon. We lasted about ten months. During the two months of our relationship, things had gotten a little rocky. His ex and her Bestfriend had broken us up twice. Then we worked it out, but not completely. He was more of a sweep it under the rug, where I was wanting to confront them and tell them that we knew how to make a relationship work, and a relationship should be between two people not four. But, I went along with him because he was my boyfriend and I had thought that I was the one who had caused the whole mess. But I wasn't. We all had our faults, just mine were smaller. Anyways, Blake had invited me to a semi formal. At first, everything was good until he pointed out his ex. Then it kind of went down hill. I got up to go dance with my friend I had brought along, which was also Blake's Bestfriend's cousin. I came back to the table and found him engaged in a conversation with his ex gf and his friends. Then I tried to get his attention because a slow song was on, and I wanted him to dance with me. He completely ignored me!!! He kept on talking to her. And then he would touch her face and she was just giggling and then jealousy struck me like a lightning bolt and I realized, they were flirting!! My heart felt as if it had slipped out of my chest and into my stomach and shattered all around me on the floor. Then, I ran. I ran into the bathroom and tried hard not to shed a single tear. Britney came in after me and asked what had happened. So I told her. After that she got me some tissue, fixed my makeup and led me back out there with a smile on my face. I don't know how she managed that one. But we marched past that table, and when he tried to grab my arm, I yanked it away and kept marching with Britney. I got right to the front of the dance floor and in the middle & everything was okay. I couldn't hear anyone, all I could do was dance and feel the vibration of the bass from the speakers. That's when my first relationship ended. A couple of months later, I started talking to brandan. Which was Blake's friend. The only one who would still even talk to me after we broke up. Them we started saying I love you. & at first I didn't mean it. I was just saying it. He said he would be my valentine on valentines day, and then he ditched me. For his ex girlfriend. That really hurt & again my newly mended heart broke. Couple of months after that we started talking again and he said he was sorry. Everything was fine again. It was on and off again type thing until now. He won't reply to my messages. He says he's dealing with a girl, when he's been telling me that he wants to see me and kiss me. And dance with me. All I wanted was a guy who would dance withe at semi and not leave me. Because now I'm having a semi and no one is going to ask me! Because something is wrong with me. So, I started liking this guy Noah. He's a real sweet heart, and he used to like me but my mom said no way! Can't date him. So I stayed away from him. We texted a little bit but not much to start anything. And now I wish we would've. I like him and I absolutely love his family. But he asked out the. Cheerleader. He said he put a sign in his girlfriends yard and I thought he was being cute and trying to ask me out, but when I looked in my yard, it was bare. And then I get on my blog site and she posted a picture of it. And that brings us to the present. Me. Staring at myself in the mirror. Three is the magic number. And now I could care less if I lived or died because my heart is broken. Shattered. I'm hurting. And as I hurt I think. Maybe I'm not meant to be with someone. Maybe this is my sign to just be a matchmaker. Stay alone until my dying days. No one to love me as I grow old. And now I may cry myself to sleep. As I give up every hope of love and romance and all of those fairy tale dreams die tonight. Along with my once whole heart and they drown in my own ocean of salty tears.


© Copyright 2020 Rebel Rose. All rights reserved.

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Reddit
  • Pinterest
  • Invite

Add Your Comments: