Thinking Causes Problems
Staff member: Okay sit here and the psychologist will be in to talk to you shortly
Patient thinks to herself: I sit here thinking about everything that happened, trying to find someone to blame, but it dawns on me that all of this was my fault. I started the chain of events that led to this. But how, how did I let myself do this? No…impossible, why would I hurt myself? It was someone else, someone made me do this. No they didn’t physically make me do it but they mentally did. They screwed with my head so much that it made me go crazy. Or…was I just playing mind games with myself. Telling myself that if I did it I would feel better. Telling myself that it was that solution to all of my problems. Telling myself that…that…I don’t know!
I don’t want to think about this anymore! But here I don’t have a choice. I’m forced to think about things like this here. It just hurts. It hurts to much to see the marks that I made. The lines that will never go away. The scars that will curse me forever. Its not fair! Its not fair that I have to go through this. Its not fair that I have to deal with this pain. Its not fair that he doesn’t care. He says, "maybe she picked it up from her friends," and "maybe she’s doing it for attention." But tell my, why would I do this for attention. What kind of sense does that make! And then there she is. She claims that she wants everything to get better but in reality she’s making everything worse.
Its such a huge waste of time thinking about this. Especially when…Dammit, I can feel that feeling coming back to me now. My stomach is turning. Faster and faster, never ceasing. Oh God, here comes the feeling of want to throw up. Shit, the headache, it hurts so badly. Wait…maybe I can find something in here. Something that will…NO don’t think about doing that! But I see it. There it is. It can relieve me of these feelings. Just this last time. This will be the last time. I swear, I will never do it again. I promise. Never again will I do it.
[The patient picks up a thumbtack and begins to slide it over her arm, watching the blood come out bit by bit. The staff member and the psychologist walk in together]
Staff Member: Okay…What are you doing?!
Psychologist: You cant do that here!
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