Joshua's Roller coaster

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is just the story of a very close friend of mine, Joshua. He's better than ever now! and he's more thankful than ever. I hope this story that I wrote inspires you and helps you x'!

Submitted: July 29, 2013

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Submitted: July 29, 2013

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Hey, I’m Joshua, and I’m here to tell my story. Not to get judged, or to be questioned, to tell the world what I went through, any my experience. I know that there are some people that think their job is to judge the weaker, and downgrade their self-esteem, but I won’t let you do that to me. This is to the world, not to the attention seekers.

I was born with a horrible sickness, something that would stick to me throughout all my life, asthma. I spent my new days at the hospital; I was too weak to handle anything back then. I’m glad I survived that, I’m glad god looked down at me and extended my life longer. I lived then, I made it. But little did I know, it’d haunt me till’ the day I rotten. I used to walk around wandering; does everybody breathe the way I do? Is it normal to feel annoyed when you breathe all the time? I was 6 back at that time, and I decided that god only knows the answer, and I’d have to stop asking myself, because I began to distance myself away from all the children in school just thinking. I learnt how to stop it after all.

I was finally 7 years old, and I thought; I hope this year would be different! And my wish actually came true, to the worst though. I got transmitted to the hospital because my immune system got struck by a virus that made me even weaker so technically I couldn’t fight anymore. Staying at the hospital sucked my innocent childish mind and replaced it with a skeptic adult mind. I spent many hours just looking around the room I was trapped in, asking myself question, discovering. My parents were excellent supporters, at the beginning. But then the endless visits stopped, the food that they’d bring from home for me also stopped, and they almost convinced themselves that I wasn’t even there, they’ve lost all hope in me. I had no one, no friends, no one to talk to. It left me with more questions; Did I do anything wrong to get this from my parents? I’d ask myself while I cried as I remembered the first time they told my mom what was wrong with me, she cried hysterically. Back then, all I that of was; wow, she really cares for me, she’s crying for me. I didn’t know whether to feel good or bad. But now I wish I chose to feel bad, because now I know this was coming ahead of me.

There was a patient next door to me, her name was Emily. She was really weird. She was horrible. We met in a really awkward way; I was crying in my asylum, I liked to call, at night when she suddenly walked in, asking me if I’m okay. I thought she was really sweet and that I had a friend to keep, someone I could look up to, and talk to, even cry to. But what I didn’t know is that I’d carry her horrible habits with me. She used to tell me that whenever I feel pain,or hurt. It was okay to feel more pain, it was okay to hurt myself for the way I feel. I was young, I just wanted someone. I tried it, it made me feel better, I had something else to cry over. I started to cut every night, and she used to tell me how proud of me she was. I used to smile to that sick bitch. And she also taught me how to do everything I’m told not to do, and explained to me how fun it was. I was her little play toy, and I was okay with that. Suddenly, my entire skeptic mind was gone, and I felt child again, I felt good. If only I had a bigger mind to notice all the harm she’d bring me. Once, she decided we have some fun. And as usual, I wanted to do everything she did. We ran away from our asylums and went outside. She told me that she knew a place filled with cool rides, and we’d have to break in to get to all the fun rides. I bailed; god looked at me again and saved me because that night, Emily Peckins died. She fell off when of the rides when she was trying to function the ride by herself. A part of me thanked god, and another part of me felt bad for her. I feel straight up good that she died now. But just like I said, I carried her habits with me. It got so bad, once I accidently slit my wrist, and I was bleeding to death, and that was another horrible day, and it just went by, became history. But that didn’t stop me. It just went on and on, I like to call it the year of agony. I tried suicide many time in many ways. I can’t even remember them well.

I just decided to sit there in my asylum, and just wonder. Wondering was better than killing myself but I still didn’t stop the self-harm. I had a very sweet nurse, she noticed the scars on my arms and legs when I was asleep, she didn’t tell anyone. But when I woke up that day, she made me feel like a prince. She got me special breakfast, other than the hospital food. She talked to me all day. And not once did she bring up the fact that I self-harm. She was so nice to me; she was my older best friend.

The last days at the hospital made me realize the better side of life, the side where all the good people are at. That magical island far far away from the horrible life we live in. I imagined myself saying goodbye to that life and travel to that island in a beautiful sea with my beautiful nurse.

The day I had to leave the hospital was hard for me, I had to say goodbye to the woman that showed me what I’m worth, who I can be, who I shouldn’t be, and who she hope I’d become, when I was slowly walking towards the exit of the building that brought me so much memories, and teached me so many lessons. She called my name, I looked around hoping she’d say you can live with me or something but instead she told me; I hope I gave you enough reasons of how wonderful you are, I hope it convinced you to cut down the bad fruit off you. I smiled, because I had an idea of what she was talking about, I waved goodbye and finally got out of that building, hoping never to return back and never to be forgotten.

Was it hard to catch up with my parents after everything they did to me? Yes, it was extremely hard. But did they give me everything I never had as a child back? Yes, they made me feel blessed. Even more than that nurse helped me feel. I felt alive again, like I was loved. I had people that cared about me, in school, and people that looked up as my story for an inspiration to get through there hard times. Everything at the end will be better, and everything is born with a solution. Nothing is unsolvable.  

I want to tell all the kids, teenagers, and adults to just hang on there. God doesn’t take away your gifts for no reason; he takes them away to test you, and to teach you. Never give up on yourself. You will be rewarded with all the amazing stuff that got taken away from you with the better. So just look up, and keep walking.


© Copyright 2018 Reem27. All rights reserved.

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