Unsent Letters

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Flash Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic


I let out a solemn smile as I stare at the letter on my hand. I've memorized every words written.



Will it reach him?

Submitted: February 01, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: February 01, 2018

A A A

A A A


I let out a solemn smile as I stare at the letter on my hand. I’ve read and reread it a thousand times already, and memorized the content written. I felt the same emotion, over and over.

Will it be heard?

Will it reach him?

Will he come?

Will he bless me with his smile?

Does he know?

Question after question, they rang inside my head.

I stared at the letter once more then hid it in my bag for tomorrow.

“Tomorrow”, I said to myself.

“Tomorrow, I’ll give it to him. Tomorrow, I’ll talk to him. Tomorrow, I’ll finally get to know.” I whispered my desire for no one to hear.

I relied on tomorrow like others relied on it.

‘God, give me strength.’ I prayed.

I stared at the plain ceiling for a millionth time then, slowly, I fell asleep.

I went to dream land. Dreaming of closure and understanding. Dreaming of something that will remain a delusion until I had the courage to face him.

 

Night turned to day, I was jolted out from my slumber by the feeling of rush, the feeling of ecstasy. I can feel the hormones spread throughout my body.

Today is the day.

I’ll finally get my closure.

I quickly went through my routine; before I knew it, I found myself on the path to his classroom.

‘Just one more step and I’m one step closer.’ I encouraged myself.

Everything is going perfect.

The weather is nice. The sky not too cloudy and the temperature not too hot, just like I always wanted.

Is everything finally going my way for a change?

I wore a smile as I continue to walk.

“One step closer”

The music is blasting through my headphones.

“One step closer”

The song, “A Thousand Years” by Christina Perri, goes.

I lifted my head and just like a scene from a movie, everything slowed down as I saw him.

 “I have died every day, waiting for you”

It really is like a scene from a movie.

Darling, don't be afraid,

I have loved you for a thousand years”

If someone else looked at me, up close, they’ll probably see longing and love in my eyes.

“I'll love you for a thousand more”

Making it look like a misplaced emotion in the eyes of strangers.

“And all along I believed, I would find you”

 

I found him!

I saw his beautiful smile. However, that smile is not meant for me.

“Time has brought your heart to me,”

 

What’s the most painful kind of love?

 

“I have loved you for a thousand years”
 

The first one.

“I'll love you for a thousand more”

 

The bittersweet first love.

 

As if on cue, the song turned the other way, as if matching my mood. This song, something I know too well. It was my favourite song, Ed Sheeran’s “Happier”.

I swallowed the saliva that seem to be stuck in my mouth. I took a deep breath.

‘Just one more step, and I’m closer. Just one more. You can do it. Give him the letter and everything will be over.’

That encouragement didn’t move me from my place.

As I stand ten meters away from him, watching him talk animatedly to someone I don’t know.

My heart continues to clench, making it harder for me to breathe.

As if my brain understand it better than I, my pain receptors were activated, sending the signal throughout my body.

I felt my breath getting caught in my throat.

The pain is unbearable, still. I took a step back, unable to look at him any longer.

Then, I realized the truth.

I can’t. I just can’t.

As I see him slowly turn my way, I quickly changed direction.

I was fleeing. And damn, it hurts like hell.

I can’t take it.

Ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you”

Before I can register it in my mind, my walking turned to running.

“But ain't nobody love you like I do”

I am running, like the coward I am

“Promise that I will not take it personal, baby
If you're moving on with someone new”

 

I stopped before I reached my classroom. I let out a bitter smile.

“'Cause baby you look happier, you do
My friends told me one day I'll feel it too”

My heart is still heavy from seeing him.

“And until then I'll smile to hide the truth”

I wiped the sadness off my face, I entered the classroom with a smile I learned to fake.

“But I know I was happier with you”

Everything, suddenly, turned 180.

“Sat in the corner of the room
Everything's reminding me of you”

It started raining. I wasn’t focused on the lesson. I just stared outside, specifically, the clouds where the blue, bright and happy sky is hiding.

“Nursing an empty bottle and telling myself
You're happier, aren't you?”

Why am I always late?

I wondered as the song continues.

“Oh, ain't nobody hurt you like I hurt you
But ain't nobody need you like I do”

The day passed without my knowledge and I saw him again.
 

“I know that there's others that deserve you”

I crushed the letter in my pocket, as I feel a painful tug in my heart. The way he smiles with his new beloved.

“But my darling, I am still in love with you”

He never smiled to me like that.

It hurts so much to forget.

“But I guess you look happier, you do”

I turned my attention to my friends.

“My friends told me one day I’ll feel it too”

I let out a smile, asI waved them good bye and went home defeated once more.

“I could try to smile to hide the truth”

I stood as I stare at the letter on my study table. The exact letter that I wrote and rewrote a hundred times, yesterday. The same letter I crumpled in my pocket, earlier. The unsent letter like all the other letters I wrote but didn’t send. I continue to stare as my headphones hang on my ears.

“But I know I was happier with you”

I opened my drawer and threw the crumpled and unsent letter inside, along with other unsent letters.

Why am I such a coward? Why can’t I grant something for myself but I can give everything for others?

“Baby you look happier, you do”

‘His smile. I remember everything all too well.’

I let out a solemn smile.

“I knew one day you’d fall for someone new”

‘He’s happy now. I don’t want to ruin that.’

I stared at the new letter that I have written. The new letter I read and reread, over and over. The new letter that I have wrote and rewrote.

The letter that will remain unset, like all the other unsent letters, by the end of the day.

“But if she breaks your heart like lovers do”

I relished the sadness I am feeling. This martyrdom knows no bound. I’m going to live with tis pain.

I gave one last look at the letters on my drawer and closed it. I made a beeline to my bed and laid there, staring at the stark ceiling, as I always do.

“Just know that I’ll be waiting here for you”

I let out a tear the moment I closed my eyes.

I relived those memories, those memories that should’ve been.

Yes, I was happier with you.

I clutched the new letter, which I have written, on my chest. I know, it’ll be another addition to those unsent letters.

I relished the sadness and pain, as the song repeats for the two hundred and second time for the day.

 

-THE END-

 

 

Note: I don’t have any claim in Christina Perri’s song, “A Thousand Years” and Ed Sheeran’s song, “Happier”.


© Copyright 2019 Rei Kokuō. All rights reserved.

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