Lesbian Blinders

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
What's a non-man hating lesbian to do?

Submitted: February 17, 2010

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Submitted: February 17, 2010



Are you wearing lesbian blinders? No, they’re not the latest eyewear fashion statement or a means by which to avoid betraying your vow to lesbianism by salivating over the SoloFlex ad guy. Lesbian blinders represents a mindset, the pink colored, triangular glasses through which some lesbians view the world.

For example, often while making small talk with a new lesbian acquaintance, I might broach the topic of books, movies, or music only to find that my companion has donned the blinders.
Me: “So what kind of books do you read? I’ve been on a memoir kick lately. I love David Sedaris, Augusten Burroughs, and I thought A Heartbreaking Tale of Staggering Genius by Dave Eggers was one of the best books I’d ever read.”
Acquaintance wearing lesbian blinders: “Oh, I don’t read books by men. I only read books written by lesbian authors. I’ve read all of Patricia Cornwell’s books and a few of Jeanette Winterson’s.”
Me: “I see. Well, how about movies? What’s your all-time favorite film?”
Acquaintance wearing lesbian blinders: “Well, it’d either have to be Desert Hearts or Go Fish. I can’t choose between them!”
Me: “Really? With films like The Godfather, Gone with the Wind, and Casablanca to choose from, Desert Hearts and Go Fish are your favorites? Interesting.”
*Awkward pause in the conversation*
Me: “So, have you been to any good concerts lately? I saw Nickleback and Fall Out Boy this summer, and, of course, Melissa Etheridge when she was here.”
Acquaintance wearing lesbian blinders: “Oh yes! I saw Melissa, too. I have all of her CDs and took off from work for two months this summer to follow her around. It was fantastic. But I’m sorry, I’ve not heard of those other singers you mentioned.”
Me: (to myself) “Why does that not surprise me?”
Acquaintance wearing lesbian blinders: “So aren’t you just soooooo excited that The L Word starts back up tonight? I’ve had the date marked on my calendar and even programmed a reminder in my cell phone so I’d not forget!”
Me: “Uh...I’ve only watched it a couple of times. I saw the first episode and it gave me that goose bump, chilled feeling like I get when I’m embarrassed for someone. Like when a little kid is singing the national anthem at a ball game and forgets the words. I did tune in to a couple of episodes last season, but could only watch if the volume was turned down.”
Acquaintance wearing lesbian blinders: “Wow, really? It’s my absolute FAVORITE show! I won’t even make plans on Sunday nights because I can’t stand to miss it! Last season, I even missed my sister’s wedding reception because of it!”
Me: (to myself) “Get TiVo for Chrissake.”
Me: “Wow – is it 7pm already? Time flies, doesn’t it? I really need to get going. I promised my son that I’d help him organize his baseball cards this evening.”
Acquaintance wearing lesbian blinders: “Oh, ok. Well, it was nice meeting you. We’ll have to get together again some time.”
Me: “Sure. That sounds great. Just gimme a call.”
Me: (to myself) “Not a chance in hell.”
I suppose we’re each entitled to view the world through whatever lens we choose. And while some prefer to see only shades of pink, I prefer a more Technicolor world.

© Copyright 2019 Candy Parker. All rights reserved.

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