The tale of lost love

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
a story of two people fallen out of love

Submitted: August 14, 2012

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Submitted: August 14, 2012

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“ All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on”- Henry Ellis
 

It was February 2nd 2007 that’s the day that I died. If only I had known that I was going to die I would have lived a better life or at the least tried to. I should have forgotten all the things my father said forgotten all the things my father did to me. I should have loved Sarah more all that time spent on anger was exhausting I was tired but I didn’t want death. Normally people begin stories at the beginning but ever since I was born I’ve hated him I’ve hated life so I’ll begin this story closer to the end.

I just came back from my monotonous job. I sat in my small cubicle punching in numbers then printing them. Getting yelled at by my boss threatening to fire me but she never does I don’t know why. Then doing it all over again as if I were some kind of robot whose only programming whose only purpose was to do this job over and over until it broke down and was sent to the scrap heap. That was what I thought my fate was to do this job until I died. Damn I didn’t go to college for this. But don’t get me wrong I would stay at my job 24/7 if the security guards would have allowed it. I had to go home to my wife Sarah we had gotten into a huge fight that morning some crap about “you don’t listen to me anymore you changed since we got married”. Always when I got home after a fight, which was often by the way, she would be sitting on the couch waiting for me to come home I’d take off my jacket sit down on my chair opposite of her and the contest would begin. Our contest was a modernized version of a staring contest we would sit and stare at each other for hours on end. But here is the weird part the loser was decided by whoever picked up the remote turned on the TV and decided to simply ignore the other. I was usually the loser. But things were different that day something happened that would rock my foundations something that I should have seen coming but for some reason I didn’t. Sara stood by the door waiting for me she handed me a few sheets of paper and walked away. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing I didn’t know it would have come to this. She handed me divorce papers.
Sara had gone upstairs I took my jacket off and slowly closed my front door. I stood there for about five minutes according to the time but it felt like hours that I had been reading over every line analyzing every detail of this flimsy sheet of paper that for some reason held so much power more power then I had ever had in my entire life. This power to destroy an eternal bond between two people this paper was God like. You never know where god is you don’t know what he is doing but when he shows himself he knows how to hurt you the most whether it be a natural disaster or a flimsy sheet of paper. I had found my emotions were going crazy fluctuating out of control I was angry and sad I didn’t know what to feel. So I finally decided that I would sit down on the couch and play the game by myself and this time I wouldn’t lose the game. I sat there all night and silently played the game alone until There is no moment more shaming to a proud man then crying as if he is a newborn but that was all I could do cry myself to sleep.
The next morning I dragged myself to work. I felt defeated like fate had been fighting a war with me I felt as if I lost and now I must fall into some order with everybody else. I didn’t talk to anyone that day I just kept saying I didn’t have my coffee this morning for some reason it kept the people at bay. At around midday Ms. Boatang, the boss, came outside and had something important to say. She had been locked on the phone in what seemed like an important meeting it had been the office gossip all morning. Somehow they had found time between talking about interoffice relationships and being envious of people who got promotions that they somehow noticed this. I thought they deserved a pat on the back. Ms.Boatang began to speak she said I appreciate all the hard work over the years from you fine ladies and gentlemen everybody knew where this speech was going. She continued I am very sad to say that times are tough so I have decided to sell my company to a multi-million dollar business run by John white so everyone can work to the end of the week but then you have to find new jobs. The reaction of the people was to be anticipated somewhere sad somewhere angry but me I decided to take my break and go see John it’s been a long time since we saw each other.
It took me a couple minutes to get through all the flights of elevators this had to be a fire hazard. I laughed at the thought of him burning alive it was the most amusement I had all day actually all week. I’d finally reached the top floor the floor that sat on the lap of the gods where he sat on top of the world. I barged into his him I pushed his secretary on the ground she tried to stop me from entering that was a foolish move on her part. I busted in the door and almost immediately security had me on the ground. John stood up walked over and told the security to let me go he tried to help me up but I slapped his hand away and got up by myself. Why do you need to take away the business that I work for? It was a good business move that’s all it was it has nothing to do with you. I bet all you’re going to do is build a parking lot. Well people need somewhere to park their cars. Let them pay the meter the city needs it anyway. First of all how I run my business is none of your concern and you better start addressing me the right way or this meeting is over. John I’ll address you how ever I please. SECURITY! Okay fine you win. I win what? You win father. Now that’s a good boy.
Why why why why why do you always have to meddle in my life? Get over yourself son it was a business deal. Cut the crap! You’ve always done stuff like this to try and get me to be like you. And what’s so wrong about me look where we  are were on top on top of all the rabble they will always be outside looking in on us wondering what it’s like. I’ll tell you what it’s like just corrupt men with huge ego’s whose only goal is money. Money that has blinded them so they can’t see what is truly important in life that’s what’s on the inside! I was able to see you past the money. If that’s true then why were the nannies always taking care of me? Because I was giving you everything you need. I needed a father. The humble hero quietly helps in the shadows without anyone knowing. Don’t try and pass yourself off as a saint. Why did you come here anyway son? I wanted to ask you to take back the deal you made with Ms.Boatang. That’s some way of asking. I didn’t respond. I can’t do that. And why not? I’ve already sent the money to her account it’s a done deal but I have a proposal I’ll make you Ceo of my company. What’s the catch? Why does there have to be a catch don’t you trust your father. I didn’t respond. Fine all you have to do is say father I want the job and kiss my ring. That was infuriating to me how dare he ask me to do something so degrading how can a father do something like that to his son is his ego that huge that he believes someone would do that. But damn I need this job I’ve never had an opportunity like this before this is a chance of a lifetime once in a blue moon. So what will it be son what will it be?
I put my head down and skulked over to my father and I said I need this job.... but I’d RATHER BE HOMELESS THEN EVER DO THAT! I lifted my head and slugged him across his face. He fell to the floor hard I was quite satisfied with myself. You’re a fool for not accepting my offer! You’re a fool for thinking I would ever degrade myself for you! SECURITY! Get this man out of here! What aren’t I still your son? You were never my son. Hahahahaha like you were ever a father. Get off of me I can leave by myself. I walked into the elevator thank god I was alone because I sat down and began to cry I wanted to go back and take that offer but my pride was like a soldier he put me in a vice grip and made me leave with my pride God damn it god damn my pride. If only my pride could pay my bills if only the world worked like that it would be such an easier place for me. I didn’t even go back to work that day what was the point. I spent the rest of my day drinking drinking all my troubles away I didn’t think I would ever resort back to this.
After the bartender decided to kick me out for fighting I went home with that defeated feeling from earlier. Sarah wasn’t on the couch I walked into the kitchen bumping into everything on the way. Finally I made my way to the bathroom where I think I puked so much I lost my kidneys yea like they were still working after they drinking I did today. After a couple of minutes I made my way upstairs to the bedroom where I saw a tape on the bed. I picked it up popped it in and began watching it. It was Sarah she began to speak if you’re watching this I’ve finally worked up the courage to leave you. I don’t know what happened to us I don’t know why we had grown apart but we did and I can’t take it anymore. Do you remember the day we met the chemistry between us was instant we didn’t have to say a word to each other we just began to dance underneath the stars and it was like the world was watching us but also invisible at the same time. Our love was so powerful but for some reason it ended. I’ve stuck with you because I was foolish enough to think we could have that again but now I see that we can’t. To prove to you that I am leaving I taped this over our wedding video. Just then it switched to us to dancing together with everybody watching us Sarah was so beautiful in her wedding dress I had forgotten how beautiful she was how could I have forgotten that. I suddenly had a fit of rage I broke the TV, broke the tape, ripped covers, ripped my pillows, broke down the door for no reason like that would solve my problems. Then I had an idea I knew how to end all my suffering I would finally get rid of all my pain.
I stumbled downstairs in my drunken rage. I made my way to the kitchen ripped open the cupboards breaking the small defenseless doors pulling them right off the hinges. And there it was my infinite solution the way to end all of my pain. My way to deny the world to deny my fate to deny all those who hated me. I took all the Hennessey, red wine, and the rest of the liquor out of the cabinet. The AA members would have been appalled to see this after all that therapy I was the first one in the group to leave. I kind of became a symbol for the others I hope they don’t see me like this. The red wine looked perfect to me so I drank that first. I pushed open the front door didn’t even bother to lock it what was the point this was it for me anyway. My neighbor tried to ask me what was wrong. Like he cared he just needed some juicy gossip so he could get back into this imaginary loop he had fallen out of recently well if he wanted to get back into the loop so badly I’d grant his wish. I broke the bottle against his head and walked over to my car. Damn I really wanted to drink that wine. I popped my key in the ignition and before I knew it I was doing 65 on the freeway weaving past oncoming traffic cops were chasing me this was what I wanted. I had gotten rid of all my emotions I believe the liquor gave me this skill. There was no fear in my heart there was only the road ahead of me and what was left inside the gas tank. But for some strange reason it instantly hit me. Memories of my past memories long since forgotten buried under all the crap in my life had somehow surfaced. I found myself remembering the Christmas when I had gotten my first bike the happy part wasn’t the bike it was one of the few times my father was with me on any given holiday. Then I found myself remembering the day when me and Sarah bought the house. We ran all around the house screaming like children deciding where to put all the furniture. I’d can’t believe I forgotten this it was truly one of the happiest proudest moments of my life. Suddenly I realized all of a sudden that I had begun to cry. The tears were acid to me they stung as they fell unto my arms. The tears burnt away my skin and showed how foolish I had become. How could I have let all of this anger devour me how did I let myself get driven to the edge of madness when did I get to this point.
My revelation had not been fast enough I guess that fate has gotten the last laugh in my life. So I punched it I began going faster and I drove right off a cliff. My car crashed it began to roll I hit my head against the window that’s when everything went black. I woke up a few seconds later my left leg was broken my right arm was fill with glass my jaw shattered so I couldn’t talk. I crawled out of the car I could hear the sirens coming towards me. I crawled towards a rock sat myself against the rock and I began to see Sarah my father and all these other people staring at me with smiles on their faces. So I began to play the game again this time I couldn’t lose I tilted my head back and began to play the game one last time.


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