Hospital Wing Voices

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic

This was written because of a stint in a mental hospital. I had just gotten out, and I was slightly unstable.

Maybe I am as sick as they say
In hushed tones,
Hospital voices
Maybe there is truth in that
I felt the world shudder 
Collapse beneath me
And I am hit with piercing word shrapnal
I am thrown to the mercy of The God
Who really prefers to see me on my knees
If I were to repent
What difference would it make?
I’ve wished to be someone else
I’ve wished for life to cease, for time to stop
I’ve seen my demons, I’ve seen my god
I’ve begged for forgiveness
Screamed for them to stop
I’ve crawled along on dirt roads, I’ve layed upon desert sands
Felt Hells fire licking my neck

I’ve walked among heroes, 
I’ve walked among sinners
I crave cookie cutter houses
Lining quiet streets
With uniform grass growing in place of dead mens hands,
With bony fingers reaching to heaven
With children laughing, playing with false prophets
Knowing nothing of the horror that lies behind their own eyelids
When the dark comes, there are only make-believe monsters
Invisible and scared away by mothers gently singing
Fathers opening the door
I want that,
I want it
Instead of screaming ghosts with coal black eyes
Lips dripping with spilt words, words that don’t make sense
Tightly clentched hands,
Struggling to  hold to slick reality
Cheeks wet with tears brimming with uncertainty, of the terror of not knowing if this is make-believe, or ifI’m a figment of a sick persons imagination.
I don’t want to be sick
I want to be real
I want the ghosts to leave
I want to be  me
I don’t want to see myself from the vantage point of the angels, watching as I lie, day in and day out
When I’m asked if I’m fine, when I say I am
Why am I this way? 
I feel as if their watching me through my windows
Judging me
Taunting me as I play make-believe
Pretending I’m okay
Pretending I’m untouched by their skinless fingers
Unconcerned with the whispering voices at my ear
Witches brews 
Sliding down my throat
Trying to stop the posion before it spreads
Trying to stop the monsters, 
Tearing apart the only place I can feel safe

Submitted: April 10, 2012

© Copyright 2022 Rinnie. All rights reserved.

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