Deaf Apologies

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Gay and Lesbian  |  House: Booksie Classic
Clarence's lover died five painful years ago. Now he is at a family reunion where he meets his great nephew young Andrew who awakens old memories in him. (not incest pplz)

Submitted: September 05, 2010

A A A | A A A

Submitted: September 05, 2010



I saw it in those little boy’s eyes the moment I met him. I had to leave there right then and there, I was looking too long. Veronica stared, as if picking up on my sudden awkwardness; it’s not what it looked like!

“Andrew come to Mommy” Veronica motioned to her five year old son, five years. I took a step back and mumbled something before I ran to the bathroom. In the mirror I saw the weathered face that had gradually become unfamiliar to me. It was Evan who had kept me young before, but now.

I whipped my hands across the counter top and sent everything to the floor. I stared at the tooth brushes and then broken vase.

What was wrong with me?



Yeah hon?

I like it when you call me hon…

Really? He was surprised, his sandy eyebrows raised. You always get mad because it’s not something another guy should…I mean….He blushed. I looked away and he continued cleaning my dishes. He had a weird habit of cleaning people’s houses when he came over. It made him smell like mr. clean, lemon soap, and cologne. A dangerous combination.

I guy shouldn’t call another guy hon. I finished.

Yeah the word seemed ripped from him, like hope being drenched in poison and left to die, just on the precipice of finally perishing.

Well…maybe I don’t care what others think. Maybe I want you to call me hon. Maybe I want to see you at my place every day, the first and last thing I have in my arms everyday.

W-what? I looked at him then, the façade finally crumbling around us. We were so unprepared, never allowed to think about something so taboo in those days, let alone confess it.

Evan I’m sorry if you don’t want…want to be anywhere nears me now that you know…Evan I’m a fag and I love you. I’m sorr- That day I didn’t even get to finish,  his lips were on mine to finally quench that dry spell. To finally suck out the poison.


“What the fuck was that?” Veronica came up to me afterwards. “I don’t see you in fifteen years and suddenly you get…” her face twisted, unable to say the word. “You harden in front of my son? I didn’t even know you could do that without Viagra anymore!”

“Veronica, I’m so sorry I don’t…Don’t know…”

“C’mon, you’re not a teenager anymore, it’s not like it just happens!” Veronica interrupted. “He’s your great nephew for fuck’s sake Clarence!”

“Ronnie” I tried, using her old pet name. “I’m not a pedophile, I don’t know what happened, trust me, please?”

“…Fine” she said hesitantly. “Fine but you better….you better be telling the truth or I’ll kill you.”

“You would have every right to.”


I’m sorry I can’t believe….this is all my fault….I did this to you I could not stop crying when Evan came home beaten to shit. I held his head in my lap and felt guiltier than sin as I looked down at those cool jean blue eyes.

Why? You didn’t do this…When he smiled you could see he was missing a tooth towards the back; he had lost it after being kneed in the face that day.

No, it is….I must be contagious or something…If I hadn’t fallen for you….if I had run away the moment I realized…

When did you realize you liked me?

The moment I saw you I admitted, it only made the idiot smile wider. Stop it, this isn’t a good thing, it’s too late but maybe….maybe we could cure you.

I don’t want to be cured Clare he said gently as he kissed me, moving upwards from my lap. I could taste his blood and it only made me cry harder. I loved you the moment we met. If this is a disease it’s the best one in the world.


I know now I was born this way, he was too. I always assumed it would be forever, after everything he did for me.

“Uncle Clare?” Andrew ran over.

“Clarence” he sighed as if I’m being ridiculous correcting him but continued anyways.

“Alright Clarence” Andrew mocked laughing. “Wanna play base ball outside? I know it’s your favourite.”

“Oh, did your Mommy tell you that?”

“Nope” before I could ask for further explanation he ran threw the people at the family reunion to my backyard. Naturally I followed, unable to stop myself.

“There’s going to be a storm” I winced as I came up behind Andrew. He turned to look at my pained expression; his eyes flickered to show sympathy. “Sorry, I mean…I shouldn’t have used exact words…but I figured it would be the only way for you to believe me. Don’t worry…you’re not a dirty old man, your body just…remembers.”


“I missed you too” Andrew says in a way a ten year does not speak. My eyes water and my legs fold beneath me.

“I’m so sorry…”

“Stop” Andrew says sternly. “That’s all you did our whole life together, apologize.”

“Andrew are you…a reincarnation?”

“Nope” Andrew says, his kiddish demeanour kicked back in for a moment. “Mom always said to share…I’m letting Mr. Leon stay a little while.”

“Yeah” his voice switched again. “I’m visiting.”

I hugged Andrew as he patted me back, tears rolling down my cheeks with nothing to stop them.


It’s not your fault…

Hell it isn’t! I screamed. I was your first, of course it was me. We both know it, I made you sick…

It will be okay.

No it won’t, look at you Evan! Your more wired then girls at a Backstreet boys concert!


You have to blame me, aren’t you scared?


I don’t know how I’m going to live without you, let alone with myself…



It’s time to go…


“Evan, I haven’t been able…to cope without you”

“Hon” Andrew touched my cheek softly. “I’m alright and waiting. I died five years ago…it’s time to move on with life cause you only have so much left.” With that Andrew shuddered and blinked.

“He’s gone.”

“I know…”

“What are you doing alone with my son?” Andrew’s hand was still on my cheek as Veronica stared down at us. Shit.

© Copyright 2018 Risely B Riddled. All rights reserved.

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