Swiss Army Knife

I've had so much sex that my peter is in a cast.

I've had way too much sex with women in the past.

My current girl is beautiful and the bra that she wears is a Double D cup.

I was about to get out of the relationship but then I knocked her up.

I tried to dump her once but her dad got a hold of me.

He used his Swiss Army Knife to give me a vasectomy.

I guess I'm a slimeball but so are many other men.

Thanks to my girl's dad, I'll never father a child again.