Self Confidence or Vanity?

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
I suffer with psychosis, which is a collaboration of various mental health disorders, the theme is often somewhere in everything I write, but this was directly written whilst I was having a particularly difficult time with it all. I hope that from something hard for me, some good words came out of it, thank you.

Submitted: July 16, 2012

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Submitted: July 16, 2012

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I Try to avoid self Confidence 
For vanity is easily misconstrued
I find confidence 
Of a bad influence
For those who follow in my shoes 

Tonight I sit and sweat and boil 
In my own skin; my plots are foiled 
And screaming verses in my mind
All that can clear it is the rhymes

That sneak through fog and clearly line
Up into verses all in time
And in the timing, my own mind
Decides its more than fuckin right

To conclude that with evidence
Most of what's said will cause offense
To souls as fragile as this one
Well fuck that shit, its through, I'm done

With listenin, on fail prevalance
That my dumb words can be of relevance 
To anythin that u experience
As to the thoughts; and gettin rid of it

See, I write on a thesis that
our god dam species is like that
Of cliched human being minds
I'll only come to see in time

What it is to wonder about issues
That only for me causes the tissues
To be held up to my eyes
And wipe my tears; my face to dry

God dam, what good am I to u
Who means so much to me it's true
Ya know it, and it's hurtin me
That being strong is not easy

Waiting on a hope that
Time can possibly relapse
Can lead u to a realisation
A mother-fuckin' revelation
That waiting on a hope for one
Dam Memory to again come
Ur way is possibly a myth
Leading u to alone go sit
But fuck it I've still got my youth
Its not a myth;
This I've disproved 

See... Time is like a shining jewell
Don't fuck with it coz it'll spoil
I notice that as I calm down, the words, the verbs, the sky, the sigh... It clarifies and dignifies

My soul to some normality
Its hard when he overcomes me
But fuck u voice inside my mind
If u were stronger, you'd be on the outside

And I'd be on the inside, 
all tied, 
all tired,
So dire, 
And my desires
Aren't attainable with u, 
hounding my thoughts
And breaking through 
To corrupt my
Self Conscious mind
Dude, just get out
Im goin blind
Seriously 
Why can't u see
We're one the same
Just listen to me
Why do u disagree and fight;
With everything that I decide...


© Copyright 2017 Rob Lefevre. All rights reserved.

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