Rise and Fall

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Status: In Progress  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic

Submitted: March 31, 2016

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Submitted: March 31, 2016

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Did I miss something or am I living out of fear with no good reason. Today I looked out the window I grew up in. Over the years the view changed but I always stayed the same. Everything stayed the same. I was comfortable and content. But as life would have it, all good things come to an end. And this is my end. That window will be a frame for someone else to create an image in. For someone else to maybe grow up in? They didn't teach me what I needed to learn when I was young. If I ever become a father, I will not worry if my child knows everything about abstract numbers and who sailed what sea. I'm going to be sure they are ready to see things they can't unsee. How to patch up broken hearts and make it by on two broken legs. I'm going to show them the importance of life even if they are 3 bottles deep into their final hour. Because that's what every human being needs. I never asked to be born, I was gifted it. But somehow the greatest gift of all is the one I fear the most. Because it only took a quarter of my life to realize that I'm not ready for any of this. I'm not strong, I just pretend I am. My honesty has shaped me into a struggling man. My strong will to love has left my imprint in the concrete from all the falls I've taken. Falling in love is exactly what it sounds like. It hurts. That's the part they don't tell us. Love stings you like alcohol in paper cuts. It's the bully that keeps your head under water. And yet here we are, running back into line to experience it again and again. This isn't my favorite ride at the amusement park, there is no joy in suffocation, but oh my god, don't I love a good dose of pain. Did that bulb light up or maybe shatter? Pulling glass out of my skull is routine, along with my 4am liquor daggers. I'm not falling in love, I'm falling in pain and I love it. I love the hurt and not the comfort. I do lines of it off my lovers backsides. I'm fucked in the head and I couldn't feel anymore sane. I pour myself into their heads like whiskey in our glasses. We put each other back into our throats and chase each other with remnants of our ex lovers. I never agreed to live in the orgy of all my regrets, but let's dance with each other. We can be naked and drip our blood onto each other's tongues. Oh how I love the taste of you all. Keep me up because lust is the only thing that get's any rise out of me. When all else is numb, I need those cuts and pity fucks. I came out of the womb red handed and the blood that stained my palms never left. It just took a little time to sink in. And it's good. Life is a prolonged rise and fall. We rise up like little devils covered in our beloved mothers blood and we fall covered in everyone else's. We don't spread disease, we are the disease. I learned that back when every ounce of good that was left in my body was squeezed out by the ferocious hands of everyone around me. You can find that story engraved around my neck. What a day. 


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