Love Doesn't Come Without Pain: Chapter 2: Brett

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Short Story by: rocketdog07

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Status: Finished | Genre: Young Adult | House: Booksie Classic

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Brett and Mylee have broken up, but can they resist the urge to get back together? Although, Myles, neglects it at first she sees that Brett just might be what she needs. He hurt her more than anything or anyone could, but maybe the pain made their relationship stronger. Who knows?

Submitted: June 04, 2010

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Submitted: June 04, 2010

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~Brett’s P.O.V~

“You still gonna go talk to her dad later?” John asks me while I am hunched over on the cement disappointed in the fact that I have waited too long to tell Mylee how I feel even though I didn’t get the chance to tell her that she is the love of my life, the only girl I want, the girl I need more than anything. Mylee is everything I dream of and usually I don’t think about that stuff but when Mylee and I were over, I had to figure some things out. One of which is the simple fact that she is better than all the girls in our world, I won't find anyone easier to talk to, easier to kid around with, easier to be close to although she has her limits, which I respect. She is everything I have everhopedto find in life, lucky enough to find her soon, stupid enough to wreck it before we even started to actually date.

“Yeah, I’m not giving up on her. I need her more than I need air right now.” I sound desperate and I don't like that, but Mylee has that effect on me.

“Trust me; she needs you as well even if she doesn’t think so right now. Mylee’s stubborn and likes to fend for herself. She’s different than any other girl I’ve met, besides her sister of course.” John laughs lightly at his joke but it doesn’t make me an ounce happier with myself.

“I know she’s different, that’s why I love her as much as I do.” I tell him truthfully. We’ve talked about it before. I have total trust in him that he won’t tell Kori or anyone else.

“You need to tell her, Brett.” He tells me, like always, but I never get the chance or I wimp out. I can’t believe how much a girl can change someone, but Mylee isn’t just any girl, she’s my girl and I have to get her back.

“I know that and I will even if she rejects me again.” I haven't noticed before, but almost everyone in my whole school, not just my grade or Mylee’s, have stayed after to watch the little scene I had pulled in a desperate attempt to get Mylee tolisten to me.

“You’ll get her, no doubt.” Someone says from behind me. “But look on the bright side; you gave her her first kiss!” He laughs aloud, thinking his statement is the funniest in the world, but it isn’t funny to me, nothing is right now. I have one thing on my mind and that’s it. I realize it is Max, another good friend, who’d say this.

“There isn’t a bright side yet.”

* Look for Love Doesn't Come Without Pain: Chapter 3: Mylee

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Cleveland

Comment | 259 words

Fri, June 4th, 2010 7:46am

Editorial suggestion:

change Brett’s P.O.V
to become Brett (add his surname).

That means the whole chapoteris written in the first person. make that clear immediately by using the 'I' word. Then drive the story through as simply as possible with drama and tension.( This is chapter 2 but it still need re-writing.
Your words:
“You still gonna go talk to her dad later?” John asks me while I am hunched over on the cement disappointed in the fact that I have waited too long to tell Mylee how I feel even though I didn’t get the chance to tell her that she is the love of my life, the only girl I want, the girl I need more than anything.
Read what you write aloud and let the words sink in. Count the words and it is far too many used to get a message over.Go for Action. Dialogue. Action. It works every time if you get stuck and it builds in tension.
Perhaps then something along the lines:
I saw hunched over with my knees drawn up to my chest staring at the dust and thinking of Mylee.Somebody stopped in front of me and stood there silent . Watching. A minute passed. I looked up out of curosity to see who it was.
"Well, what will you say to her father?" John asked, concern written over her face. "You do love her, don't you?"
Use what I've written if you like. And then work your way through the rest.
Good luck with your writing.