Melody's Gone

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Young Adult  |  House: Booksie Classic

*This was for a contest at school and i just wanted to put it on here. So, i hope you enjoy. Please comment! :)

Theme: Goodbye To All That....

Melody’s Gone
She lay there, on the soft bed, limp and unmoving. Her eyes shut lightly. No color appeared on her cheeks or lightened up her slim lips. Her flesh was as white as the sheets that hung lazily off the edges of the bed. Her midnight black hair rested over the cream-colored pillows. The girl was sprawled out, seemingly comfortable. Her chest was not rising nor falling. She wasn’t breathing. She wasn’t moving. She did nothing to seem as though she was alive. Anyone who looked upon this girl would think she was in a peaceful slumber, but the truth was hidden, her beauty was lost and she was gone.
She held her head high as she pranced down the cemented sidewalk. Her walk was full of confidence and her beauty surpassed all of the girls in the city. Her bright charcoal black hair blew in the early morning breeze. Her golden-green eyes were outlined with a thin line of black eyeliner and her eyelashes were elongated with the same color of mascara. Her plump pink lips shimmered in the sunlight. She was gorgeous and well aware of her own appeal. She was accustomed to the usual stares from the other people walking along the same sidewalk.
“Melody?” She turned on her heels to face the person who called out her name. He came walking up in a haste. His hair was a wild mess of light brown curls and his brow was furrowed in contemplation. “Melody Rose?” His lips formed a sparkling white smile.
“Scott! I haven’t seen you in years! How have you been?” Melody squealed while embracing Scott in a warm hug. Scott returned the hug and chuckled at Melody’s song-like voice. Like old days, her voice hasn’t changed! Scott thought to himself. They had some catching up to do.
“Well, it’s probably because you’ve been away for so long living in the big cities.” Scott mumbled, still laughing a little.
“I’m back now, my mom’s been ill and I wanted to come and be near her in her needy time.” Melody’s structure saddened an inch.
“So I’ve heard.”
A young guy entered the bedroom where the lifeless form lay on the bed still. The color was drained from his solemn face once he saw the body of the twenty-six year old girl. His fists clenched at his sides and he braced himself against the sturdy doorframe unable to look at the girl longer than a few seconds.
“You alright, man?” Another police officer asked from behind him. He stood up straight and turned his back from the scene behind the door. He nodded once and left the other man, Ben, stunned.
A few minutes later, the girl was rolled out on a covered gurney. A sigh escaped the lips of the man who had seen her minutes before anyone else arrived on the scene.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” Ben asked him concern infiltrating into his husky voice.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“So do we have a name for this girl?”
Melody and Scott sat in one of the town’s few diners. It was their favorite hangout back in school. The two young souls had known each other during high school but had been separated while attending colleges thousands of miles away from one another. Scott had always been enthralled by Melody’s easy-going personality, which was rare with her alluring attributes.
“So what have you been up to?” Melody asked Scott while sitting opposite him at the diner’s table.
“Oh, nothing much really, just been working a lot lately.”
“So how’s patrolling downtown?” Melody took a quick sip of her sweet tea waiting patiently for Scott’s response. Scott smiled.
“Actually, I am now the assistant chief of police here, it’s the real deal.” Scott beamed at his new title. Melody scrunched up her face, still managing to keep her beauty, and asked,
“Is that supposed to be impressive?” Melody kept a straight face, not faltering in her act. Scott just shook his head slightly. Melody broke out into a grin. “That’s wonderful, Scott, good job!” Melody giggled like a five year old. She’s the same as she was in high school! Scott thought giddy of having Melody with him again.
Back in high school, Scott cherished a special feeling toward Melody but he was never bold enough to say anything about his feeling towards this beautiful girl. Maybe fate had given him a second chance to finally say something to Melody.
Scott came back to reality as Melody began shaking his arm. Scott looked at her and she smiled. “You zoned out on me,” Melody laughed lightheartedly.
“You’re never going to make chief if you can’t focus.” Melody said with a smug expression on her face. 
After they finished eating lunch, they stood up and walked outside into the warm sun.
“It sure was nice to see you again, Scott, but I must be on my way, have to go sit with my mom for a while.” Melody told him.
“Okay, but how about we meet up again real soon to have dinner or something.” Scott suggested not wanting to let Melody leave him again.
“That’d be great!” They hugged and went their separate ways, but someone was watching them from across the street in one of the alleys. Melody reached her apartment and unlocked the door. Seeing Scott again made Melody realize that she never got over the crush she had on him in high school. Today of all days had been Melody’s best day since she left and went off to college leaving behind her friends and family. She was unpacking boxes and crates for her stay in her hometown when she decided to put on some running shorts and a t-shirt to go for a light jog in the park. It was getting close to being dark and cool, the perfect time for a run.  
Scott got into his car and drove slowly to the police station with a proud smile on his face. New hope was forming in the pits of Scott’s heart. Destiny was giving him another chance. When Scott took a seat in his office chair, Ben, a good friend, noticed the change in Scott’s attitude.
“So how was lunch?” Ben asked casually, conversationally.
“It was great for once,” Scott laughed, “but now I have to stay late and catch up on the paperwork I’ve been putting aside.”
Melody passed by the oak trees that were stationed in the park along the path. She had her music playing and wasn’t paying attention to anything around her. She didn’t see the guy hiding behind the trees that she passed, the same guy that had been watching her since she came back into town a few days ago. Melody was light on her feet and a smile was plastered on her lips. Melody’s heart was beating faster and not because of her jogging around the path cut out in the park. She couldn’t stop thinking about Scott and how they were in high school. At the time, Melody didn’t think that Scott could mean so much to her, but he did and their meeting up again proved it.
Melody never thought it was possible to see Scott again after college, but fate and destiny brought them together again. For how long, no one knew, but if it was up to Melody it would be until their last breaths separated them from each other.
The hidden guy looked around to make sure no one was watching him. He stepped out from behind the tree that Melody had just passed and copied her pace, keeping close. He looked at her intently and smiled. They were heading back farther into the woods bordering the path. The guy pounced on Melody and brought her head first to the cement, hitting her forehead very hard. Blackness consumed Melody’s vision.
The phone rang in Scott’s office and he picked it up. “This is the Newton Police Office, how can I help you?” Scott asked whoever was on the other line.
“Yes, this is Betty LaChance. I was looking out my window, admiring my yellow flowers, when I noticed someone carry some large bag into my neighbor’s apartment. I don’t believe he lives there since it’s a woman’s apartments, not a man’s.” The woman informed.
“Alright, which apartment is it, Betty?”
“Apartment 214, you know I live on 550 south Rosewood Dr.” She stated.
“Yes, I remember, Betty, I’ll be over shortly.” Scott hung up the phone and then went into the main office where most of the officers were on break. “I just got a call from Crazy Betty again. Ben, want to go check it out real quick then get some dinner or something?”
“Sure, what’s Crazy Betty saying now?” Ben wondered aloud, chuckling along with some officers.
“Oh, something about a man in a woman’s apartment, who really knows?” Scott laughed. Ben and Scott left the office and headed over to the apartment. When they went inside and saw the girl lying on the bed in a lifeless state, they realized Betty wasn’t crazy and that this time she was useful.
“Scott, do we have the girl’s name?” Ben asked again. He slowly nodded coming out of his memories of the day spent with the woman.
“Yeah, her name’s Melody. Melody Rose.” He said quietly. Ben looked at him carefully, understanding his reactions.
“Did you know her?”
“Yeah,” Scott told him.
“I’m sorry, man.” Ben apologized.
 “I guess its goodbye then, huh?” Scott sighed, “and I never even got the chance to tell her that I love her.” Scott’s mind whirled around the fact that he would never see Melody Rose again. Everything was scrambled and moving about, but one thing Scott was sure of was the person that was responsible for Melody’s goodbye would soon say his.

Submitted: May 14, 2010

© Copyright 2021 rocketdog07. All rights reserved.

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Add Your Comments:



Hi Hannah Beth
I looked at your page and found the story about Melody Rose. It is sad, full of drama and I feel you've done well to write it at only 15 years old.
There is plenty to change , improve on and don't feel bad about that in the least. E. Hemmingway forced himself to re-write/edit 'Farewell to Arms' one hundred times before he was happy enough to have it printed. To me that was a waste of time and his talent.It is possibly the main reason why I'm not his biggest fan. In all the time he spend editing he might have written a few more books and then I'd have applauded him.
However,back to your story 'Melody's gone.'What I've done is go through and re-arrange sections in what I think is essentially the best order to let the stor unfold. I've deleted bits from a copy of our work in order to see on the page in front of me what needs to be done. There is a lot . But there is always a lot a writer can do to self improve. I feel if fantasy is your main interest you need to read good well constructed stories that test your creativity. Think about each story you read from the moment you open a book in a shop and start to read.
I hardly ever bother to read a prologue. often I feel it is not needed but once or twice I'm excited by the prologue. So there I'm saying I can be wrong about what I think.
Your story . I'm back on track again so suggestions, etc.
Melody and Scott meetd suddenly and the writer takes the reader back into each person's past when they last saw each other etc in old scholl/college days. I feel explaining how they felt then is a wast of time. Does it drive the plot forward any further? No. I'd say no because it involves the writer telling the readerhe/she had once been... he/she used to... he/she always had to/... and so on to the point that using had adds a staleness to the plot.
Rather I'd suggest to your mind's eye two people sitting in a cafe and engaging in small talk. Perhaps a newspaper is open in front of them and they are talking about what to film to see.
"Scott, we saw 'Forest Gump' last time. Your choice then ,"melody said. "Now what about coming with me to listen to a local jazz band?"
The dark haired man opposite shrugged. He slipped a hand inside his jacket and took out a diary.
"When?" He looked up with a page open.
"Tonight. Dinner, say at 7 at my place and then we can go."
Scott made a note and smiled.
"A year ago I'd have said what you suggested was impossible,"he commented. " But that's how it was after my Emily died in a car accident. Meeting us has been like a breath of fresh air. I still wondering if I'll like jazz. Policemen don't go about shouting about the wonder of music. But as Assistant chief of Police I can let you educate me."
"Fine . It's pasta tonight and my sister will visit mom to take care of her," Melody said. Scott knew about her concern for her mother's failing health.
"If she needs anything," he responded, " let me know. I know what you're doing and it can be a struggle."
I've put in my suggest for conversation in the above way to show things happening in the now. But they met again a year ago and they are happy in each oher's company. Also the reader finds out Scot is a policeman and Melod has a sick mother. Scot has lost his wife and is drawn towards the company of Melody, though I've not said so. And it is dinner and then a Jazz session that very evening.
At this point I feel you need to let both leave the cafe and thenintroduce a man called XXXXX YYYYYYY who is the 'Someone' you refer to later on in your story. I've left you to provide a name because this is an important person. This is th criminal who has a grudge against Scott, perhaps is a little psycho and wants revenge for an imagined wrong. Now that person has seen Melody meet Scott more than once he decides to concentrate on the girl . To do so he tails her to her home and then to her mothers.The criminal is psycho is some ways and it is why he picks on innocent people.That day he jogs after Melody,as in your story, and simply abducts and kills her. Then he visits Melody's mother and meets the sister as well. He does something terrible to them as well. But the killer is a psycho and returns to Melody's flat. He goes in and is spotted by Betty who calls the police. however in the flat the killer opens the windows and lets the flies out that have clustered around the dead body. It is a hot day.Betty who called the police saw a man leaning out of a window and mentioned an increase in flies around her place.
To add drama to the story have Bob take the call from Betty. Only when they are in the car does Scott find out where the address is and then worst of all the number of the flat. He knows it is where Melody lives.
Immediately he flicks on the police siren and speeds towards the crime scene full of apprehension.
IIn the final scene you might describe Melody lying on the bed. The door to the flat is wide open. Cats have entered and are trying to find food in the waste bins.Scott rushes in the forensic people and they find dna evidence that might help find the killer. Scott remembers the elderly mother and takes a uniformed
policeman with him. They enter the house and find the two dead bodies within.
The trauma starts again but Scott can't rest. He sees Melody everywhere and she talks to him. She asks him to find the killer.Scott drives back to talk to Betty , the old woman informer. From her he manages to build up an identity picture.Now it is only a matter of time before the killer is arrested.And like a previous story involving his dead wife Scott knows everything ends at the graveyard when times stops. And he wonders if he'll every have another chance of happyness.

Mon, June 7th, 2010 3:17am


Work on it.I saw you've plenty of family members. Get them involved with your story(I'm from the UK so I've probably got some things wrong about America) and find a good picture to go with it. You've lots of drama in your story and with luck it should come out well for you. All you need to do is add more flesh to the sketches I've done. But I'm confident you can complete the next step.
Hope this helps
Good luck with your writing.Remember we all need encouragement. All of us.

Mon, June 7th, 2010 3:23am


thank you for all of your suggestions. and yes my family members help edit for me. well, thank you anyways.. :)

Mon, June 7th, 2010 3:55am

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