A crack in the wall.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
"I would never wish this on anyone, not even my worst enemy's".

Submitted: March 01, 2012

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Submitted: March 01, 2012

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Family, define family for me. A group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.

Yes its true, i live in a household consisting of parents and children. But i dont feel like were together, i actually feel like we are hundreds and thousands of miles apart, even though every room filled with the people i love is across the hallway. Even if i can hear them breathing, talking, whispering or crying. They are miles apart.

 

I feel an emptiness in my heart when i see families walking down the park or eating at a restaraunt. My heart has tumbleweed not blood, its completely empty. We are a family of 9, and i am one of the sisters. One of the worriers and thinkers.

Four brothers and two sisters (including me). A wonderful sister in law and a mother and stepfather. A dog that listening to my weeping every night.

Mother, sick. Brain tumor.

Step father, work-a-holic not of his choice but to support the large family ever since the economy was ruined.

2 younger brothers that are only barely understanding the world because they are children not even teenagers.

Two older brothers into heavy drugs, and all the wrong influences.

One hard working sister that believes in me.

A wonderful sister in law that is very close to my heart.

 

It might not sound as terrible, but my heart cant stand the pain anymore. Id like to break down and cry.

I worry about someone not being there tommorow or next week or next year. I worry about me failing with my life or someone here to fail with me. I worry about fights due to the mood swings. I AM paranoid.

 

I never imagined that my life would crumble this way, hitting me in the softest spot ive got, my family a household which everyone is living together in but still so distant. I would never wish this on anyone not even my worst enemys. I would never wish sadness like this to crawl into anybodys house, not even a home because i dislike being here so much. I miss the big happy family we used to be and i miss the way everyone ateast was sane in their mind. I miss a healthy family, now we are nothing because our hearts are disconnected. I can only hope for the best. I hope nobody goes through this.

 

Ps.I hope you will come back before 2 am, dont ruin your marriage dont loose her because she is ALL ive got and if i loose my all i wont be anything.


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