A juvenile with heart of gold

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic

Juvenile and adolescent, good and bad ,what is the difference when you view it through the lens of reality ?

Submitted: May 30, 2018

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 30, 2018



Despite didn’t realized almost getting robbed at first, who would be sane enough to shared their room with perpetrators for a night, after the fact came to light even. What kind of crazy people are they ?


I can answer to that. It's a crazy guy, like me. Loaded full with good intention and good will.


Phurin Laotanu


December 2013. At the time when gathering of the mass still intensifying in Bangkok.


One night, I just came out from the house of my respected intellectual. I tell the taxi to take me to Sanam Luang.

Exuberante surgeing through me, as I thinking of sleeping in the yard or on the sidewalk near Thammasat University; I want to give myself an opportunity to learn what it’s feels like to spend the night like those who have nots. I arrived at my destination shortly.


As soon as I got out of the taxi, two boys flanking my sides and said, "Bro, can you spare a dime ?" I’m a little dazed as not ready to understand what suddenly being told boldface.

"Hold on,” as I gestured with my palms and gave off an awkward smile, I continue, “let me paid the cab first." After I paid my fare, I turned to converse with him.



"Okay, what did you just told me ?", I asked again to make clear their intentions.

One of them replied nonchalantly, "I asked if you can spare us some dough." Me being perky perchance “What’s this money for ?” Another one replied in the same tone "For some grubs, bro." I decided quickly "I haven’t had a dinner yet as well, you can have dinner with me then." With a quick nod, two children walked ahead of me, while the bigger snickering. "I told ya, from his looks he’s kind hearted." He said.


We found a food stall after walking along the street; so it’s decided.


While walking and waiting for our orders. I try to inquire more about their being from the two. I learned that little boy ( I call both by aliases) called 'Nut' is the older brother of 'Bom' whose is bigger than him. Both of them run away from home to live in Sanam Luang. Earned money by working odd jobs or randomly asking for money. If they gotten extra, they will spend few hundred baht at an old hotel per night. I want to hear more of their story, and to an extent, find a way to help them. That night, we all went to spend the night together at certain hotel, where I rent for tonight. Bom did not sit long enough to share his thoughts in our conversation, as I heard mostly from Nut, whom seems to open up to me more. I sat down to interview him various topics that piqued my interest. While spending our time talking I also try to advise him as much as I can. Though, I was just offering commsense.


While chatting with young Nut. At one point, he confessed that sometimes they did not have enough money to buy food. They begging and asking but did not receive any. both resorted to robbery. In the first place, they came prepared to rob me if I did not give them any.

Like an innocent child, inapt to the obvious. I helplessly burst into laughter after his confession.

I knew they wanting some thing from me, but I didn't expected I could get rob just like that.

This’s how I’m. known but did not know better.


Nut hung his head down due to the guilt while musing. "I could not do that to you, You were kind to us." while I continue laughing with all my fiber. To the nonsensical of life. Nut sneak a glance several times. He might wonder why this person who almost got robbed have a reason to laughing like nobody's business. Nut might be a child with aptitude for common sense. he do not understand mood of the crazy, like me.

In that moment, I didn't feel any anger toward him. Actually, I was looking at Nut with an empathy toward the mistreated juvenile youths.



I try to summarize the story from my memory (if I’m not mistaken):


1. When there still a house: If I do not mistaken Nut is about 17-18 years old, about 150 cm, thin and has a dark skin. The younger brother is about 13-14 years old, about 160 cm, chubby and has a lighter skin. They both have a home. But the house does not have the warmth for the two children as it should  be. Their alcoholic father and the compulsive gambling mother hardly be found at home. If he goes home, he will quarrel with her and take it out on both children. If she goes home, she will quarrel with him and blame her loses to the children. Also, if I'm not mistaken, his parents aren't interested in giving them a chance to study. They do not care to provided food for both children. Some days if the mother loses. She comes back home and  there is nothing to eat, she will berate Nut that he is a 'damnable child.' Who did not provided any food for her. The young Nut can only endured his mother unreasonable demeanor.


At one time, the police arrested her without someone lifting her a helping hand. Young Nut have to go to the station. Pleading the lieutenant to release his mother in tears.


"Please let she go, I have only but one mother.My mother may do something bad, But she’s still 'my mother' if you need to lock someone up please take me instead." After hearing this, lieutenant soften up and agreed to let his mother free. He remind her "no second time." Before letting her go. After she freed mother seems so proud of her son Nut, She brags to the others along the way home that her good son indeed in filial piety, holding him, gave him the warmth that he couldn't get enough in his entire life.


But not for long. After return home for some time. Everything is back to how it used to be - Nut having a difficulty trying to describe these feeling. But I think I understood this young man. His feeling was hurt significantly. Being betrayed by someone named their own mother.

When the incident was repeatedly repeated. When the mother loses to the game and came back home. She still berate them a 'damnable child.' or other harsh words without as much as a reason per usual, by now. When two children can no longer resist being repeatedly abused by their own parents. The couple decided to run away from home.


Some time, the pair return home. Every times they go back, their parent reprimanded them that it has been better when they gone.


I try to comfort Nut. That his father and mother were not conscious of their actions at time. The Father, lost it to alcohol; The mother, lost it to gambling. If the parents are full of consciousness. They wouldn't do this. In some instance, these actions may weighting on theirs mind a little, reminded them that these things are guilty and that they should not treat their own children like this. But they can not resist the allure of addiction.


2. As a homeless child: At the beginning, the two brothers used to receive food distributed by the temple, for a few times, but then, they have been threatened and attacked by others who already waiting for food on a regular basis. The pair did not dare to go again. Nut tried to find a job and begging for money to bought food with. But unfortunately, the young Nut has a small build and find it difficult to find job. The last time he worked as a guard, it did not last long before they fired him. When I talk to Nut at one point. He confesses with sincerity that he ended up resorted to robbery as he said before.

Frankly speaking, I do not remember much of the detail in how they do for living but vaguely recalled that the locals did not be so kind to them about it.


When it came to resting place. If they got extra for today they will rest here, if not enough else. They rest in Sanam Luang which closed at night they have to wait until 5 am before it's open again. ( I just learned about this too. )

The condition of the room we resting in that night. By my estimate could be one of the most squalid rundown hotel in Krungthep, it's inconceivable to me that a room in this condition would still opened up for guess. More also, Nut told me there's a rumor that the room not far from this has a woman died from hanging or gotten murdered. but certain thing is, every sabbath day if he slept here he will see a woman in white standing at beds end or paraly him in his sleep by various means. ( Of which, I do not recalled. )


If middle class people have to experience this situation, most would do anything to get away and never return to this hotel, but for Nut this is not a big deal and I understand that. He has no choices, trouble from being spooked is so small when compared to everything he has been constantly shouldering so far.


I told him that she might be asking for portion of merit, since no one would come to help her, which, I recognised that this isn’t different than Nut by much.

I can speak a little about this, as my voice became trembling, goosebump all over with fear stirred up my wimpy heart.


3. Young boy with a heart of gold: Some could sternly accused Nut for robbing others, but for me I do not know if I'm in position to accused him like that. In if-case, it was me instead of Nut, grew up in family like that, have that parenting, with no good example to looked up to, no guide on right nor wrong. how beautiful reality is difference from guilty truth ? None to turn to for life advice, situated among cruel of civilize, etc.



I'm not confidence in facing fate as poise as Nut did. What if I got punished for stealing, and if I did not, how can I feed my self when no one care to help me or give me a job when I’m hungry?

I'm not sure if I can accused him or expected something more from him.


Even if I did, would it help improve anything for Nut ?


I'm simply don't know.


 That night I talk many things with Nut; many topics, which aren’t shown here. For awhile after our first conversation, Nut walked outside and came back, sat, continue talking with me. Nut told me. "What bro told me, I've been thinking, but I'm struggle to followed up." from the facial and his eyes he makes me convinced that he seriously considering everything we talked just like he told me. This is to my surprise, due to things that seems so easy and simple that need not much consideration or for common child at age of twelth to realise already. this is a reflection, that he did not grew up with any proper guidance and advice. Not having someone that willing to take a looks and a little cares to their livelihood.


I remembered when we were at the food stall. Nut having Kaprao Moo Grob. I’m likely having pad pak ruam mit. I'm not satisfied yet so second is in order. I asked the brothers if they want any more of something else. Bom refuse, Nut looks like have something he want but being considerate to me, when I asked again he Avoided by saying. "Bro treating me is already to my delight"

For me Nut is a young boy with a heart of gold, a young good soul that did not receive a chance.


I asked Nut about his education, if i'm not wrong Nut have junior high school and studying at non-formal Education senior high school for some time, while Bom have Grade school. I asked Nut what is his strong points, he gave me a generic Thailand children answer that he don't know, but Nut told me that he enjoy reading news in facebook if he have some money left he would sat down in internet cafe reading on various stories. from what I perceive, Nut have needs just like other young boy, want some earning, need a stable job. So I advise him that he need to study, other wise he could not break out of this life style and reached his goal of ordinary life.


I asked Nut for anything else he wanted to do. Nut told me he want to have a meal in Mcdonald, just once. some time he and his brother be there on empty stomach to watch other ‘eat Mc’ at  Democracy Monument branch, urging the clerk to chase them out. He said when he saw the other eating it seemingly so much more scrumptious, I told him that I'll treat him later some other day. in fact, I’ve never order anything in Mcdonald before, I’m of the thought that it wouldn't be so hard to make an order even if you didn’t know what to order for!

 In the next morning around 8 pm, I parting with Nut, getting back to my place, I gave him some parting funds. I want to chat with Nut some more. I want to help him much more. But I did not know that would be last time I ever saw Nut, his phone number can't be reached and he never called me since.


After saying goodbye to Nut for few days, I told this story about Nut to my advisor prof.'Taeh' and when I'm telling him about advising Nut to study, due to prof.Taeh already understood my intention to quit from Thammasat, he could not resist urge to nag on me. "Hoh, you yourself did not study, you dare to told the other to study ?" I quickly argued "It's not the same thing sir, I did not want to be successful socially, but if Nut wanted that there should be a chance for him"


Back to that night, after I talk with Nut so late into the night, I wish to take a shower before sleep, in the bath room of one of the squalid rundown hotels in Krungthep, the water would not be so clean. This is another chapter in every days life of many more of our not so distant family of man, and it would be most painful if I'm to disconnected from these people.




It’s time to take shower and rest for me, today too is the end of my normal daily life.


A while passed in front of a shower. Then, I just turning it.


"Jeez, the sudden rain is pouring down. I’m soaking wet, but not that I care. Overwhelming with extreme happiness. That I do not understand why…, god, I wanted you to be there with me !"


“To catch everybody if they start to go over”; a catch phrase in The Catcher in the Rye by J.D.salinger.


( Edited and translated by Rogulair )




© Copyright 2020 Rogulair. All rights reserved.

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