The META Fairy Tale for the Disgruntled with Life

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Fantasy  |  House: Booksie Classic
Something I write for class. Enjoy.

Submitted: May 15, 2009

A A A | A A A

Submitted: May 15, 2009



[sits down with a giant storybook in hand]

Once upon a time, something happened, don’t ask me, I wasn’t there. But I will tell the story, because all you people came here for one, and you know what? I’m bored, and if you are my entertainment today, whatever. But if you don’t like my story, too bad, I’m not in the mood today.

So anyway, there’s this princess, with a bunch of stock princessey characteristics that “every girl” wants to be like. Yeah, like we need this kind of crap in our kids’ heads. “Ooh, lookit me! I’m a pretty, pretty princess, my hair is bleached blonde and I’m just swell, and my life is swell.” Well not everything is swell, bitch, and get over it, I’m not in the mood today.

Oh, and she’s the center of something very big in her very SWELL kingdom of swellness. Whatever, I don’t watch the news and I really don’t care. Anyway, she gets sucked away from her life of utter swellness and joy to live with the woodland creatures who are probably pissed off that she’s there. They know the world isn’t swell, so they don’t like her. But for the purpose of the story, let’s say they do, and thy sing and dance and frolic with her for all fucking eternity. Or at least until something bad happens. Because not even storybook princesses with swell lives catch a break. Screw that bullshit; I’m not in the mood today.

Anyway, they hide this swell princess somewhere swell, but surprise, surprise, the world ain’t so damn swell, and there’s someone who wants this princess to drop dead and die. It’s probably a witch, or some sorcerer or someone who wanted revenge on her parents or some crap like that, and they’ve got to save this poor little princess. Maybe they hide her in a tower or send her to live with her backwaters relatives who conveniently give her skills she will need that have nothing to do with what she’s actually facing. Because the world just works like that, let’s all cheer for the well rounded princess.

I’m really not in the mood today.

To make things even better, she gets captured by said malevolent element, and she is imprisoned or exploited in some way. Because bad guys are really that stupid. Like, “hey, she’s going to fulfill this prophecy that means sudden and painful death for me! Let’s keep her alive and try to marry her/exploit her/woo her in some way. Because she’s not going to just say no.” Really? Last I checked, evil geniuses or sorcerers who could see the future would be able to TELL if they were about to fail…and if they’re really smart, do something DIFFERENT! I guess not. Even geniuses have their limits. Believe me, I know. Why do you think I’m stuck here with you cretins, telling you all a fucking story?

[takes breath to calm down]
Now here’s where the story gets really unrealistic.

Enter the Prince, who’s also swell in his own special way, but it’s still just as annoying. Like when you speak another language and insult someone. It’s different, but the meaning is the same. And their different types of swell are equally as annoying. He’s got all the prince qualities, daring, handsome, and in some cases he has no lines. (Those princes are less annoying, if you ask me.) And when he rescues her, she marries him, right off the bat. Because that’s just how “love” works. You marry someone without getting to know him; or even a date, and sometimes you don’t even know his name. Not even a previous meeting. Because that’s just how life is. A swell guy meets a swell girl and they all live stupidly ever after. I hate that. These storybook writers are idiots. I am so not in the mood for them.

[looks down at the floor, attitude changed]
…Because they’re not in the mood for me. [closes book, fade out to black]

[completely dark]

What about me?

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