Last good night kiss

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
A love story that happened in another life, two destinies never meant to meet.

Submitted: June 13, 2014

A A A | A A A

Submitted: June 13, 2014



Ten days before the wedding


  • Now, seriously, could you for once stop acting like a woman and decide the goddamn day?

Elena was rolling her eyes, talking on the phone with her big brother, asking herself why she always feels like she is the older sibling. He is 10 years – 10 years! – Older than me, but he acts like he just hit puberty! She thought about Mike Jr., her sweet 11 years old nephew and how hard must be for him to be grown up by such an immature father. Elena loved Mike Jr. and couldn’t wait to see him at the wedding.

  • For Crist’s sake, Mike, this is not the time for you to be immature. For once in your life, can you start behaving like a grown-up?
  • Oh, chill, sis! Are you having your lady time of the month or you’re just too stressed because of the wedding? You know, it’s just a wedding, not a funeral. Not a suicide, even if, you know, during the years it will feel like you’ve died so many times.

  Elena rolled her eyes again; Mike always makes jokes about marriage and what a punishment it is, but the truth is Mike and Penny were just made for each other and Elena couldn’t recall a single time they fought and she has been spending a lot of time with both of them, since they meet at the fragile age of 17. Mike has been just a regular boy – playing, going out with friends – but he never had a girlfriend, until he met Penny and after that day they were inseparable. Five years later they got married, two years after the marriage Elena became an aunt to the sweetest boy in the whole world.  God, I just can’t wait to see Mike Jr.!

  • Ok, Mike, I will just finish this conversation right now, because it’s not going anywhere. Just give me a call when you decide – if you ever do decide – but still, remember I am getting married in only 10 days, so perhaps you might want to try to show up before…
  • Oh, come on, sis, could you please just relax?! You know me, we will be there in 8 days, ok? We already bought the plane tickets, what’s the big fuss about?!

Mike sounded annoyed and Elena smiled. Every goddamn time she is trying to make Mike be serious she fails, unless she just gives him a so-called ultimatum. Every time he falls for that and becomes grumpy, telling her what she wanted to hear. Exactly like a child.

  • Ok, it’s settled then – John and I will pick you up at the airport. Bye-bye!
  • Yes, about that, six people in a car, it might be a little crowded, Mike Jr. is not a baby anymore, so I don’t know…
  • What are you talking about, six people? There will be only five of us, dumb ass – Mike Jr., Penny, you, John and I.
  • I might have forgot to mention. Jake is also coming.



Two days before the wedding


Elena was alone in the car, driving, listening to loud music.  Loud music to stop the thoughts, but the mind does what it does and it just seems unstoppable. What a pleasant activity driving used to be, not long ago, before my moron brother breaks the news for me! –she thought and hit the break to stop at a red light. Life in general was pleasant, everything was just going in the right direction. Elena got the dream job – or, at least, what was her second option, writing wasn’t anyway a real career option, she would say – and now she was about to get married with the love of her life. She thought of John and her heart filled with joy instantly. God, how much she loved John, and John loved her back and everything between them seems so natural as if everything was just meant to be. As if they were meant to be and Elena had no doubt that he was the one, that special guy she has been waiting for. Shit! Elena starts the car immediately, trying to leave the shame behind her. The light went green and she didn’t even see it, of course she didn’t, since she wasn’t paying attention to the reality and drivers behind her started to get angry and they had every single reason to be mad. Elena has always hated people who texted, talked on the phone or did whatever else and forgot to start the car when the light went green. It’s a sign of disrespect towards other drivers, she thought, it’s like you would send a message to all the people behind you that whatever you do is more important than what they have to do, so they might as well just wait for you! Only my retard brother does that! Oh! That stupid fuck!! How is he capable to talk to me half an hour on the goddamn phone – half an hour! – Saying all kind of crap and acting like a retard and at the end – after half an hour – he tells me that Jake is also coming! Minor detail, did I forget to mention? Your unfulfilled love is also coming to your wedding! 

Elena didn’t know how to call Jake. He wasn’t really an unfulfilled love, considering that between them nothing happened, not even a single kiss. Or at least, a real kiss on the lips. Of course, there were all those kisses on the forehead and on the cheeks, but there wasn’t a single thing more innocent in the world than that. Jake and Mike have been best friends since she can remember, so she was basically raised by those two. All those nights when daddy came drunk home, Mike would just take Elena and sleep over to Jake’s. There she would sleep in Jake’s room, while the boys shared the living room. At Jake’s, she felt happier than she ever did with her anti-depressant addicted mother or her drunken father and she knew that this is how a real family should look like. Jake’s parents were warm, welcoming and Elena knew Mike felt the same way she did. Even years later when the boys went together to college, she would still spend the night over Jake’s parents. This is what he kept on telling her every time he and her brother left: go to my parents whenever you feel like!

The thing about those innocent kisses that Jake gave her on the forehead when she went to sleep is that they became something else in Elena’s mind from a way too fragile age. She realized she was in love with him only a couple of months before he left for college, and still she was only a small 9 years old kid. A little girl who had no idea what love felt like, but from a certain day – she never managed to remember exactly the day when Jake stopped being her brother’s best friend and started being her crush – Jake was present in her thoughts every single second. He was in her mind when she went to sleep, he was present when she would wake up; besides the fact that the departure of her brother left her feeling completely alone, having to deal with all those horrible fights, she would also feel really sad because Jake wasn’t there anymore. All of a sudden, she found herself all alone; not only there was no one there to protect her from her vicious father, but she also realized that spending all that time with the boys resulted in her not having any actual friends. She started playing with girls from her school and at first it was hard for her to spend time with people of her own age; times passed by as it always does, but Elena never stopped thinking about Jake and she would always wait for him to come back home.

  And now he is coming to my wedding! I haven’t seen him for – I don’t know – 6 years and now he is coming to my wedding! Of course he is, you invited him, you stupid girl!  Of course Elena has sent an invitation to Jake and also to Jake’s parents, since they basically raised her and she knew Jake’s parents will be there, she has met them a lot recently, but she really didn’t think Jake will come all the way from France to be there for her on the big day. What a fucked-up situation, all the boys I met and have been with, and all those times I kissed a guy, Jake was the only one I could think about, and now, when I am finally happy, when I finally managed to kiss a guy and forget about him, now he has to show up! If only John was here, but stupid moron brother was right, 5 is already a crowd, 6 is an impossible number for a small car like mine, so John had to stay at home.

The light went green again, but Elena of course didn’t see it, so people behind her started to honk anxiously. For Crist’s sake, it is high time for you to pay attention!!!


At the airport, Elena waited impatiently; she kept on moving as if it simply was too hard for her to stay still. Besides the stress of having to see her unfulfilled love for the first time in a long time, only two days before her wedding, she also couldn’t help but wonder whether his wife is coming and if not – because this is what she understood from Mike, there would be five of them on the way back home, and there was Mike, Mike Jr., Penny, Jake and herself – why wouldn’t she come to her wedding. Elena knew her name, of course she did, she has sent the wedding invitation to the both of them, but she couldn’t figure out her face. They have been married for quite some time – 5 or maybe 6 years – but Jake had too many girlfriends before; There was the slutty blonde that everyone is the town has been with, there was the dorky girl with hipster’s glasses that used to bring a book with her wherever she went and, of course, there was the weird red-headed that got jealous of herself; Elena would always remember that day when she slept at Jake’s and, as usual, Jake put her to bed and kissed her on the forehead; The red-headed girl got extremely angry : Why would you kiss her on the forehead, what is she, some sort of a secret fantasy? What are you, a pedophile?? Elena was really happy that a girl – a mature woman, after all – considered her – a 13 years old girl – a treat. Of course she wasn’t a little girl anymore, but Jake still treated her like his own sister. Hum, he never really stopped considering me a baby sister, she thought and anger made her cheeks red. She remembered how disappointed she was by his answer that night: Are you nuts?!? She is just a child, for Christ’s sake, how can you say such stupid things?

  • Aunt Elena!!!

A ginger freckled boy jumped in her arms and for a moment she felt like there was no worry in the world. Here he was, a couple of centimeters taller than he was when she last saw him, getting more and more freckles. Just like his father, and soon he will be taller than me! She kissed the ginger boy several times on the cheeks and when she let him down, she looked at the other people around her and suddenly all the worries from before have reappeared, even worse than it used to be.

  • You stupid moron! She said while the tall ginger guy hugged her and lifted her up. This stupid moron – how I call him all the time – has been like a solid rock in my life. If it weren’t for him, I would probably have been insane by now, considering all the fights, all the nights she has spent crying all alone. If it weren’t for him, I would probably never have met…
  • Hello, kiddo!
  • Jake!

Here he was, standing in front of her, looking exactly as usual, as if the time has never passed, as if he wasn’t heading towards 40. Jake wasn’t what you would call an extremely hot man; a God, a Spartacus of a modern time. He was just a regular man of around 1, 80 had blond hair and blue eyes. Girls had always been crazy about those big blue eyes, but what Elena loved most about Jake was his hair; she has always felt the need to play with his perfect natural looking hair and yet she was too scared to do it. All those nights when he would put her to bed, sometimes he would even read a story to her, the night when she turned 18 and he carried her home, because she was too drunk to go alone – all those nights she could have touched his hair and it would have been just natural for her to do that, regarding their close friendship. But for Elena there was something so sensual, so erotic about touching that hair that she never really dared to do it.

Jake hugged her friendly and told her that she looked as he always did. What does he mean by that? Do I look – in your mind – the way I did when I was brought home from the maternity??

  • Ha! Are you okay?
  • Yes.
  • Really? You look like you just saw a ghost!

That son of a bitch! He is teasing me, which is exactly what he is doing, he knows damn well that I missed him all those past years when he didn’t even bother to call me on holidays or on my birthday and now he is teasing me!

  • You’re having fun, aren’t you? Elena replied, but Jake didn’t get a chance to say anything, because Penny came in line to hug her and then little Mike took her by the hand, telling her stories about the trips he and his school have made to the Eiffel tour and to the French countryside. Jake didn’t get a chance to reply, but what Elena read in his clear blue eyes was pure surprise.



 It was getting dark outside and Elena’s eyes felt heavier with every moment passing by; she had of course driven 500 kilometers on her way to the airport, but that was not the reason why she was tired; she loved to drive and she could drive not 500 hundred, but 1000 kilometers. It wasn’t even the night that made her so sleepy; driving during night time was sometimes a greater pleasure than it would be during daytime, it’s really nice to feel the wind, the loneliness and to listen to some good songs. What really made her eyes feel tired was the sunset; All that beautiful reddish light felt extremely stressful for the eyes when driving; A couple more minutes – maybe half an hour – and it will be night and you will feel fresh again. She tried to encourage herself, but when she saw the clock she realized that they have left the airport for only half an hour! Stupid sunset! She could hear people talking and she could also hear her voice answering mechanically back from times to times, although she didn’t really understand what they were talking about. She felt the eyes heavier and heavier and…

  • Elena!!! What the fuck, are you sleeping already?!
  • Sweet Jesus, of course I am not sleeping and could you please watch your language when my nephew is around?

  She looked in the mirror to see Mike Jr. smiling back at her, almost as sleepy as she was; Lucky fellow, he will fall asleep soon, how much I wished I was a little kid again!

  • Ok, then if you were not sleeping, could you please answer the question?
  • What question?
  • Ha, you see?! There was no question, just this: Stop the fucking car and let me drive before you kill us all!



  Elena was lying in this bed – not her own – but the bed with blue sheets, smelling like boy’s deodorant and was playing with some cars; of course there were cars, after all this was not her room, but it felt just like if it was. She could hear the drunken man screaming at mommy and she got scared, hiding under the blue sheets, hoping that he will not find her. Mommy screaming back at him, begging him not to enter the room, to leave the girl alone. She is just an innocent little girl, Elena could hear before the door handle was touched and the man entered the room. She felt paralyzed with fear, so she was surprised and relieved when instead of the drunken man, there was the blonde boy, smiling at her, assuring her that everything will be all right. It is all right, no one will hurt you now and he got closer, kissed her a lot on the cheeks and on the forehead. Eventually, after what felt like an eternity spent in heaven, she could see his timid tongue approaching her mouth and then…

Something happened, the car stopped and Elena woke up. Of course it had to be a dream, it is always just a dream, Elena realized and then she felt the bitter taste that good dreams have when you wake up and you realize it was only a dream and the reality was so different. She looked around her and saw Penny as if she had also just waken up; Mike Jr. was still sleeping and the boys were out, looking at the car. She put her coat around herself as the chill of the May nights touched her and waited for the boys to return. When 15 minutes passed and they didn’t, she sadly realized that it was time for her to leave the coziness of the backseat of her car and get out to ask what in God’s name was happening.

  • What’s happing?

 Jake turned around and smiled at her and Mike acted like he didn’t even hear her, both not answering the question.

  • Aaa, guys, what the fuck is happening?
  • Mind your language, young lady! Jake said, smiling as playful as a little boy, knowing that she will get annoyed. Why in God’s name he derives so much pleasure from seeing me suffer? Elena asked herself, rolling her eyes, making Jake almost laugh.
  • I will tell you what’s happening – this stupid car of yours stopped working and we are in the middle of freaking nowhere and I can’t even get a cell reception, this is how fucked we are, little princess!

Elena was expecting her brother to act like an asshole, so it didn’t bother her, it only made her roll her eyes again. Why do I always feel I am surrounded by little children??

  • Hey, you stupid moron, do you think that screaming at me like a freaking psycho will make all our problems magically disappear??
  • Ok, I am sorry, but this situation is so annoying. How are we getting out of here if I can’t find a cell service, it’s the middle of the night and the only shit around us is the motel that looks like it might be inhabited only by prostitutes?

 Elena and Jake looked each other in the eyes amused for a couple of seconds, until Jake said:

  • Then I guess our option is the motel inhabited by prostitutes.



-  I am sorry, Sir, but are you deaf???  I have told you a hundred times - I only have two spared rooms and if you are too stupid to understand this, I politely invite you to get the fuck out of here and go sleep in your car!

  Elena smiled. Despite the fact that they were in the middle of nowhere, having no choice but to wait for the morning to come, despite the fact that soon it was her wedding, seeing someone answering to Mike the way he talks to everybody else was too delicious to not enjoy it. She looked for just a second at Jake and saw he was just amused as she was. Mike wouldn't stop talking and that made the receptionist angrier and angrier - it all looked like a scene from a comic theatre play. She let Mike fight with the woman until it stopped being funny and then she opened her mouth to talk; she knew the decision was in her hands and she knew Mike Jr. needed urgently a bed to sleep in.

- We will take them! Elena looked surprised at Jake. She thought she was the one that had to decide, but it seems that Jake has all the control.

- Why do you think it is okay for me to sleep with you? Elena asked but when she saw the look of both surprise and terror on Mike's face, she knew she shouldn't have said that, so she blushed immediately, to Jake's obvious delight.

- You are not sleeping with me, you just sleep in the same room as I; I will just take the couch.

  Elena blushed even more, Jake smiled like a satisfied child, and Mike looked at his sleepy son and realized there was no other solution

 -Ok, we will take the goddamn rooms.



 - You wanna sleep, kiddo?

Elena just got out of the shower to see Jake lying in bed, watching to TV. He was wearing now a pair of shorts and she couldn't help but wonder how sexy that wet hair looked. Focus, stupid girl, you are getting married tomorrow, for Crist's sake. If only John were here, my heart wouldn't beat like crazy!

 - Okay, I don't feel sleepy either, I will go find some cards for us to play, Jake said, without waiting for Elena to answer the question. He was almost going out the door when Elena said:

 - Are you going like this?

 - What do you mean, like this?  Jake looked amused, as usual.

 - I mean...

- You mean...

- I mean shirtless. You are wearing some shorts that can be easily confused with underwear.

- And you fear the receptionist will fuck the shit out of me.

 Elena's face became suddenly red; she has never heard Jake talking like this with her; what the fuck happened? Did he changed that much?

 - Ha, relax, kiddo, I apologize for the nasty words. I just wanted to see if you are still a kid.

 - I am 25, Jake, I no longer wear diapers, Elena said, pissed off.

 -  I can see that, Jake said and gave her a greedy look; Elena realized she was naked in her towel and got even redder than before.

- Ok, I will put my shirt on, and I also left you a pair of my shorts-underwear on the bed, because I can imagine you have no cloths to sleep in. When Elena started to protest against the idea of wearing Jake's shorts, he added: Of course you can just sleep naked, if you want, I don't mind.


Sometimes I imagine myself alone lying on a field full of poppies! God, how much I love poppies! The sun light is so strong that I cannot keep my eyes open! And sometimes I force my eyes to open and I see the sun lights and just as a sun light, I see the blonde boy watching over me, smiling and touching gently my forehead. I am all sweaty because of the heat, but the boy blows slowly over my face and cools me down. His breath – just like a breeze, his eyes – just like the sky, his hair – the sun, red lips just like poppies! I can imagine the lips taste just like poppy, even though I don’t really know how I could define the poppy taste. Not bitter nor sweet, just the way it’s supposed to taste, something so good and addictive that I don’t want to do anything else but lose myself in them. And the lips touch my forehead and…

  • Wakie, wakie, sleepy head!

Jake was lying in bed, next to Elena.

  • Why would you wake me up? I was having such a nice dream, Elena said grumpy.
  • I am sure you were, but it is time for you to get up now.
  • Why?
  • Why?? We have to play some cards and we have to drink some wine and we have a lot of things to talk about.

Elena looked at the small table in the room and saw a pack of old cards and some yellow-colored liquid in a plastic bottle, with no name on it.

  • Oh, don’t make that face! The receptionist assured this is the best wine around here!
  • You do realize we are in the middle of nowhere and this so-called wine might be the only bottle around here, so technically it is the best one?
  • You see? I told you! Now get up!

Elena got up and Jake sat on the bed, in front of her; he poured two plastic glasses of wine, gave Elena one and then he shuffled the cards; Elena took the cards, but she didn’t look at them; instead, she was staring at Jake.

  • What’s up, kiddo?
  • What are you doing here, Jake?
  • I am playing cards, whenever you feel ready to start.
  • No. I mean, what are you really doing here? Why did you come to my wedding?
  • Well, kiddo, you are quite close to me. We grew up together – sort of – I don’t know what you would like to hear. You know I am very attached to you.
  • I don’t know…
  • What do you mean you don’t know, kiddo? Jake got closer to her and started tickling her until she couldn’t help but laugh. Are you trying to make me kiss you?
  • No, I mean, you didn’t look me up in - I don’t know – like 6 years? You never show up, never gave me a call, and never wrote me a goddamn e-mail. As soon as she said that, her eyes got full with tears and her heart felt heavier than ever before.
  • Oh, sweet girl, don’t cry! I don’t want you to cry, Elena, for Crist’s sake, you are getting married tomorrow!
  • Exactly – and after six years of not giving a fuck – now you show up at my wedding. How am I supposed to feel?
  • I don’t know. I really don’t know. I want you to be happy, that’s why I kept my distance, but now I needed to see you. I needed to spend one more night talking to you, having that feeling that someone in this whole world is just like me. I – I needed to give you one last goodnight kiss.
  • It’s just…I missed you so much!
  • I know, sweetheart, I know!

Jake hugged her and she started crying on his shoulder. They stayed like this, hugged, in what felt an eternity, an eternity of tears on the blonde boy’s shoulder and there was nothing else in the whole world.

  • Hey! Let’s play cards!


- I am bored, Elena said, looking at the clock. It was 2 o’clock in the morning and she knew she had to get as much sleep as possible but the truth is she didn’t feel at all like sleeping. She was having too much fun talking to Jake, she was enjoying herself like she didn’t do it for a long time.

- Aren’t you now? So what do you suggest we should?

- I don’t know. You are the older one, you should say.

- I am thinking maybe we should put the future bride to sleep, said Jake and gave Elena the big smile that meant “I am just teasing you because I know exactly how much you want to just be with me.”

- You know what we could do? We should get you drunk. And maybe I can try to take advantage of you.

- How old do you think I am? You can’t just take advantage of me, I am not 15 years old.

- I forgot Miss Sunshine hit puberty.

- Yeah, like 15 years ago, but you were too busy with other princesses to even notice.

- I know exactly what we should do. We should play strip poker.

  Jake smiled, but Elena saw something darker in his eyes; all of a sudden the blue of his eyes was almost entirely covered by the dilated pupils and Elena felt his stare right in her stomach. Restrain yourself, you are almost a married woman, he is – oh! – A married man! Elena looked at Jake’s left hand and saw the wedding ring. You stupid silly girl, how could you have forgotten this?

  • What would your wife think about playing strip poker with another girl?
  • What would she think? Jake said, but he was having now a poker face, a sign that he didn’t expect nor enjoyed the question.
  • Well, you are married for a long time…
  • Yes, I am.
  • Why didn’t she come?
  • She doesn’t know you. He made a short brake and then he said: And she is 8 months pregnant.

Jake lowered his glance and looked at a certain point in his hands. He is basically a father, what is he doing here with me? Why did he have to come and bring back all those desires I used to have for a long time? Is he really that stupid not to understand that I want him?

  • If you are to be a father, then – then what are you doing here, Jake?
  • You have asked me this question before, Elena, and it ended in you crying.
  • No, I am not going to cry again, Elena said, and touched Jake’s hand. I just want you to make me understand.
  • You have no idea how much you mean to me, kiddo. Now let us play poker and let me see a nice piece of ass.

Elena rolled her eyes: how can this guy be so changing? One moment he is sad, the next one he is playful as if nothing has ever happened, but Elena couldn’t complain about the playful Jake. Yes, it was definitely frustrating that he wouldn’t just clarify the situation between the two of them, but on the other hand there was nothing more benefic in the whole world than Jake’s smile. How much I loved than smile, there used to be only thing that made me stop crying when I was sad. Now it makes me feel confused and it makes me want him more than ever.



- Come on, don’t be shy, it’s not like I haven’t seen your tits before! Jake said, while filling up the glasses of wine again. It was the forth – maybe the fifth glass – and everything was getting fuzzy. It’s not like I haven’t seen your boobs before, Jake added and Elena blushed again.

- Ha, I love it when you blush and you blush so much!

- I can see you are having fun on my behalf, Elena said.

- It’s not like I am having fun, it’s just that your innocence is so refreshing!

- I can imagine you have experienced things I have no idea about.

- Ha, what’s that? Jake said, starting to laugh.

- Well, you were dating a lot when you were younger. I mean, a lot. Like a lot of girls. Basically the whole town.

- Yeah, those were the good old times. Then I got married and life started to suck, Jake said, while shuffling the cards, leaving Elena really surprised.

- Are you for real?

- No, I was just joking, you know, everybody makes jokes about how horrible marriage is, even your stupid moron brother. No. Life started to suck when you first wanted me.

What?!? What does he mean by that? This guy – he likes to talk so much and yet he says so little! I am almost drunk – no, I am pretty sure I am already drunk and I am tired of all these games. If he thinks I have been waiting all these years for stupid silly games, he is so mistaken!

  • Look, we will not play naked Poker, Jake said. I don’t want to see you naked, I have already done that when you were a fluffy pinky baby girl. We have new rules, we…
  • What do you mean by what you said earlier? Elena said, while taking another zip of the cheap wine. Hum, I am pretty sure this shit was bitter, now I can’t even feel any taste, my whole body is numb, except my heart, which is beating like crazy. Oh! Slow down, girl!
  • By what?
  • By what you just said.
  • I mean we need new rules, I was thinking we should…
  • No. What you meant by “life started to suck when you first wanted me?”
  • Ha. Somebody’s got some balls lately, right?
  • I do. You don’t.
  • Excuse me?
  • You are avoiding the question.
  • What was the question again?
  • You pussy! Elena said, while hitting Jake with a pillow over the head. In what felt like a moment, Jake changed the situation and Elena was lying quietly in bed, with Jake on top of her. It was completely quiet, the only thing was the tic-tac of her heart.
  • This is not fair! Elena complained, when she finally tried to move and realize she couldn’t; But Jake’s pupils were again dilated, his eyes were dark now, meaning that the game was over.
  • What I meant is that was a really fucked up thing to do, Elena.


Elena whispered a what, but she knew what Jake meant and what he was about to say. She started feeling like a little girl, immobilized under a man, waiting to be punished for something she did wrong.

  • I mean, you were – what? –a 10 years old girl having a crush on a 20 years old guy. That is a fucked up situation.

Jake stopped to think for what felt an eternity and then he said:

  • I mean, what were you thinking, seriously? You cannot just do that, that is the most complicated and fucked-up thing to do! I was just a stupid 20-years old moron, who knew nothing, and you put me on a pedestal, I became your Prince Charming, the knight that will save you from this cruel world. You were so pure and young and for you there were no such thing as regular boys, there could only be the Perfect Guy, what the women’s magazines like to call Mr. Right. How could I have been your Mr. Right if at that age I had no clue what the fuck was right for myself?
  • You knew? You never told me…
  • Of course I knew, I think also Mike knew, you don’t really think a 10 years old girl hides her feelings so obvious, do you? When you started to become a teenager, there became even more obvious. But you see, kiddo, when your weird little mind first decided to fall for me at such a fragile age – that was the exact moment when everything between us became impossible.
  • What do you mean by that? Elena whispered and she could see that Jake was getting angrier.
  • I mean, fuck, you are 25 today and you still see me as your Prince Charming. Let’s run together, shall we? I will tell you exactly what will happen. We will be having a couple of nice months full of love making and then you will wake up one morning and start to miss your old life. You will look in the mirror and it will not be possible for you to understand why you decided to run with me, when you were having such a nice future with John. It’s not like our relationship will go bad, no! – it will just become normal, just a woman and a man loving each other and yet you will feel the bitter taste when you realize that I am nothing more than a regular man. You will have shits lots of regrets because you left a man you loved, you will have to deal with an ex-wife and a small baby that will not be yours. You will not leave me, but you will be miserable, you will be growing our future kids with the feeling that you made the wrong choice. But I am telling you, the wrong choice will not be for us to be together now! No! The wrong choice was made 15 years ago when a silly girl fell for an older man, forcing him to be the Super-Hero he could never actually be. Everything after that moment was basically already ruined, even if it didn’t happen yet.

When Jake finished, he was having a sad tormented face. He was no longer holding Elena down, but she didn’t dare to move, she didn’t dare to speak. No one said anything else for a couple of minutes until Elena whispered to him:

  • You don’t know that this is how it’s going to be.

Jake looked her in the eyes and Elena could feel his anger coming back.

  • I don’t know, you say? Ok, I will tell you what? Let’s make love now.
  • What?!?
  • Let’s make love now. I can only imagine you have dreamt about this moment for a long time, so we should just do it and I will prove you wrong. All those perfect kisses, all those warm touches, all those orgasms and tears of joy – that never happens when two people make love for the first time. You must know by now – there is nothing more imperfect than two bodies touching each other for the first time. I don’t know you, I don’t know your preferences nor your rhythm and you don’t know mine. When two people sleep with each other for the first time, you cannot call it love making. Not even a good fuck. Just some desperate attempt to learn as fast as possible how to satisfy the other person. But it’s okay, you give it time and after months when you look back you realize how much progress you have made. But you – you – Elena, have been dreaming for 15 years about a perfect first time together. You tell me, if we are to make love now, what should I do to live up to your expectations?

Elena was trying to understand that Jake was saying, but her head started to hurt like crazy and it became very hard to stay focused. Jake continued:

  • Fuck, I never even dared to kiss you, I carried you home completely drunk from your 18 birthday and you were basically begging for a kiss! But here I was, a 28 years old men, too afraid of not being capable to live up to the freaking high expectations.
  • Do you ever wanted me? Elena asked slowly.
  • It’s bizarre for me to answer that question without sounding like a pedophile. Maybe I have wanted you when you were still underage, but you know damn well I only treated you like a little sister. More like wanted, I cared about you – I still do – I care about you a lot. Fuck, you know I’ve always loved you.
  • You loved me?
  • I have loved you in more ways than I ever loved another women. In a way, I could always feel we are soul mates. I can imagine our destinies like two parallel lines that are extremely close to each other, just one mm distance between them. If they were only one mm closer to each other, only one goddamn mm, they would have been one line forever. Yet, exactly like two parallel lines, despite that close to each other, they can never meet.

They stayed like this, without saying any other words, Jake on top of her, touching gently her hair; after a couple of minutes, without thinking it, Elena started to play with Jake’s hair, which seemed to give Jake some sort of a satisfaction; it was as if he waited for this longer than she did. She felt sleepy and her head hurt really badly; On the other hand, staying like this, with Jake so close to her, made her feel happy. Just happy, as if there was no worry in the whole world, as if she could just die like this and she wouldn’t feel sorry. After an eternity of silence, she whispered:

  • So we are never supposed to meet?
  • I don’t think so, Jake said and got his mouth closer to Elena’s, so there were so close to kissing. Except for tonight, he added and got even closer.


The day of the wedding

 Here I am, finally, after a lot of months of painful preparation. I am wearing my wedding dress that feels more uncomfortable than I actually imagined it will be. I am afraid I will suffocate to death before I get to say “I do”. Despite all these, my heart is actually steady. I didn’t think I will get here and not be nervous; I have always imagined my wedding day will be the day when my heart will beat like crazy and my head will be full of second thoughts. Instead, I don’t have second thoughts, I don’t get cold feet. John is standing next to me, smiling and I can feel his infinite love towards me. I can see Mommy, crying her heart out “My little girl is getting married”, I can see my ginger moron brother waving his hand at me, my nephew running so fast at me that I almost fell when he hugs me. Everybody is in a way happy, everybody congratulates us and I get to hug and kiss and shake hands to more people than I can imagine. At some points I get a kiss on the forehead and a simple “Take care!” I see the blue eyes smiling at me and I whisper back “I will”.











© Copyright 2018 Rose Brown. All rights reserved.

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