I AM HAPPY THAT MY BROTHER DIED

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Literary Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
The story deals with a young boy of 12 who always felt dejected in his family in front of his twin brother. the discrimination he felt made him so bitter that he was not much devastated at his brother's death. but one shattering truth made a lot of difference!

Submitted: August 23, 2010

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Submitted: August 23, 2010

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The summer vacations arrived, but it brought no happiness to me. My life was fast moving from bad to worst, and the hardest part is… I cant point out the reason of my sadness.
 
John Gonsalvez, the brightest student my school has ever seen, a simple guy who never liked limelight or flattery, a brilliant musician who pursued music just for his love for it and not for prizes, a humble boy whom any one can like immediately, was actually treated as a waste in his own home. If you are asking how the hell am I sure of it, then I say I am sure of it, because I am John.
 
 
Its not that my parents are sadist or they are utterly poor so they are forcing me to child labour or anything. Its nothing like that. In fact my parents are very honourable in our society, and very much praised for their love and devotion towards their sons. But do any one of those damned flatterers know what hell kind of life I am living. You might be thinking now that I am some adopted son who is not fed properly or treated harshly. Though I some times doubt my place in my family, I am pretty much sure that I am their biological son because I have seen my birth certificate. And there is one more proof, my twin brother. He is the only reason of my miserable life.
 
 
He is named aptly, Ajay, meaning one who can never be beaten. He was younger to me by thirty seconds, and in that half minute, my right to life was taken from me. He was the golden child. I still remember those bitter moments when I hold back my tears from my parents. All the wishes of my brother were fulfilled without a second thought and mine were neglected even without a thought. But as resilient and determined I am, I never showed my disappointment. The moment my brother saw my tears, it is a defeat for me.
 
 
 
But I cant say he is bad towards me. In fact, he is a kind boy who is always ready to share anything. But at those times images flashing in mind were of some rich boy giving away charity to his servant’s son. No matter how nice he was to me, I can never like him. The highest order of discrimination was shown during eating hours. One day he fancied eating only ice creams for the whole day. In an hour, cartons of ice creams of every brand and flavour reached our home. But the irony is, in past twelve years of my life, my parents never gave me a chocolate! They prohibited me from having any kind of sweet. But I ate many chocolates secretly, though I never liked sweet flavours, but I ate them just to show my protest against their behavior.
 
 
I cant say if my parents loved me or hated me. Actually they never directly showed their feelings towards me, and Ajay was bestowed with all love. I felt that I am unwanted. But I cant imagine why? I always got a lot better grades than him. My parents appreciated my fantastic results with a mere nod while my brother was showered with praises when he passes on the borderline. But my parents did take care of my financial needs. I was sent to the best schools, I wore the costliest dresses etcetera… but as I mentioned earlier, my diet was what they thoroughly enjoyed to discriminate.
 
The days of my summer vacations scrawled. I was never allowed to attend any summer camp or stay at a friend’s home. The reason my parents give is hilarious- that I may eat sweets. But I never disobeyed. I always tried to gain their love and acceptance, but it seems I am failed till now.
 
 
One day, an unexpected event occurred- My sweet brother fainted while we were watching T.V. The scene at home was dramatic. The terror at my parents’ faces would make any body think that their son was killed right in front of them. Mom was sobbing loudly and dad rushed to take out his car to take him to hospital. I wanted to ask what’s the big deal? But I hold my tongue. I guessed perhaps this was the way golden boys are treated.
 
 
I stayed at home. Ajay was hospitalized. My parents stayed with him for whole night. Next morning dad called to say that they will be staying at hospital for some more time. I wondered if he would ever take a leave from office for my purpose. Nah!!!
 
 
That evening, my dad called to announce a terrible news- MY BROTHER DIED. The reason he said was some sort of diabetes. I couldn’t say anything. I put down the phone and sat near the window. I don’t know what I am feeling or how should I feel. Am I sad, or am I secretly happy at my own twin brother’s death???? This question haunted me. Of course, I am feeling sad at the loss of my brother. He was really a generous and cheerful fellow. I neglected every act of kindness from him in my bitterness. But at some tiny part of my heart, I did wished that if I didn’t had him, if he wasn’t there. And now, my wish is fulfilled.
 
 
 
My parents reached home near midnight. They left the body at the mortuary. I couldn’t look at my mom’s face. The face was filled with sorrow to the brim. It looked like it had never seen any happiness, as if no ray of hope has ever visited those eyes. My dad managed to pull a brave face, but his eyes too showed a lake of grief that could burst out any time. I was feeling ashamed to face them, because I knew I was happy seeing their distress.
 
 
Two days passed. My brother was buried in the church cemetery. My grief subsided but my home was still gloomy. Mom never talked since his death and I saw many times my dad wiping his eyes. I was fed up with these. I wanted to cry out that they hadn’t lost all their children. One son is still alive!!! But maybe, he was never counted as a son.
 
 
That night, my father called me to his study. When I entered, he asked me to close the doors. I obeyed and sat on a chair in front of him.
 
“I want to talk to you about your brother’s death.” His voice cracked.
 
I shifted in my seat uncomfortably. Was his father asking for a shoulder to cry on? Was he seeking for a man to mourn along with him? I don’t know why, but rage was gushing out of me. But I managed silence.
 
 
He continued without looking at me. “You know that your brother died due to acute diabetes….”
 
 
“And I know the reason too!” I cried out. I didn’t wanted to yell it, but I was shaking with fury.
 
 
“What? What…. What do you know?” his eyes shot up towards me. He looked so tortured and startled at my words.
 
 
“You spoiled your son with all kinds of chocolates. All his whims and fancies were fulfilled. You never cared anything other than fulfilling his wishes. You, you never saw me begging for your attention.” Tears were rolling out of my eyes. It was the first time I ever cried in front of my father.
 
 
 
“You think that I neglected you? You think that I favoured him more than you?” he was literally crying.
 
 
“Well, weren’t you? Haven’t you treated me as some unwanted child who was just a waste of money and space?” I yelled.
 
 
“What the hell are you talking about? How wicked are you? You always carried all this hatred in your mind. Now I realize why you didn’t appeared really sad on your brother’s death.” He was wailing.
 
 
“You are right. I was never really sad at my brother’s loss. In fact, I am happy that my brother died!” I yelled back.
 
 
“Stop it! I cant take any more. How can you? I never thought you would be so bitter. You are accusing me of such a horrible thing that I would never do. We loved you both, and cared for both of you. If ever a question of favourism arises, it was you we favoured.”
 
 
I was struck. I was lost. “How… but how?”
 
 
Dad wiped his eyes and continued, “ You should know the exact reason of your brother’s death. It was not due to excess intake of sugar. It was a disease. His body couldn’t accept insulin, so insulin can neither be produced inside his body, nor can be injected. And I and your mother, we both knew this from the beginning.”
 
 
I was taken aback by his last sentence. I wanted to ask many things, but couldn’t find words and my tongue wont move.
 
 
He continued, “the day you both were born, we were filled with so much joy, we felt like in heaven. We always dreamed for twin children who can always rely on each other at any moment of life. When we knew that we had twin sons, there was nothing left in this world that we could ask for. But all our happiness came to an abrupt ending when we came to know that our sons had a serious disease. The doctor told us that day about the disease your brother died of now. He told us that there was no cure for such a disease. The malady was so spread in Ajay’s body that he said that there was no chance for him to survive. He told us that Ajay would live for maximum twelve years and by no chance any longer. The only advice they could give us was that to fulfill all his wishes and give him as much happiness as possible. But as for your case, doctor said you had a chance of recovery. Your disease wasn’t much spread, and it was treatable. Once you reach fifteen years old, your body will be mature enough to take the treatment and the doctor guaranteed cent percent recovery if your sugar level was always kept under control. He asked us never to give you any kind of sweet and since your insulin level was so low, there was no danger of a low blood sugar content. For the past twelve years we researched for any kind of treatment to cure your brother but we failed. Our only hope and happiness was you, and you say you are happy that your brother died.” Dad covered his head in his hands and his body was shaking.
 
 
 
I couldn’t hear any more. My world was swirling all around me. I felt a blow at my chest, as if some metal beam has struck me. Tears gushed out of me eyes. I jolted up and ran towards the door. I opened it and dashed out. I didn’t knew where I was going but it seemed my steps were controlled. I couldn’t see clearly as my eyes were filled with tears. I darted out of the house and hit the road. I ran all along the empty road scarcely lit by the street lamps. Now I became aware where I am heading to. In a minute I was standing in front of the cemetery gate. I opened it in one push and ran towards the farthest end. There, enclosed in a white marble tomb, lied my young brother, Ajay, the unbeatable.
 
 
I fell on my knees, tears running uncontrollably. I didn’t knew what to do. I just cried with my hands clasping on the marble plate. The image of my brother sleeping in the cold soil alone shuddered me. From my trembling lips, these words escaped…. I AM SORRY, MY SWEET BROTHER!


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