Words hurt. Words like ‘retard’ or ‘fag’ or ‘queer’ can hurt someone so deeply, so intensely that it can shatter their whole life.
My name is Zachery Nicky, I’m 16 and I’m gay. This is my story.
It all began at Oakdale High School also known as hell. Considering my Dad was English and my mother Ukrainian, I wasn’t very popular in year 7 or 8 and part of 9 but by January in year 9, I had friends. Friends that know things about you that you don’t even know yourself or you do, but not really thought about. These things can make other things awkward. Extremely awkward. Considering most of my friends were girls, well, nearly all girls. And I was a boy. For instance, if I was walking with one of my friends, let’s take Rajni Shania. One of my closest friends, ever. She again was somewhat socially awkward like me, but, that is what made us friends. Like me, her parents were different races. Her mother from India and her father from England. Someone would walk pass and ask if we were going out, just to make things awkward. They’d say things like ‘Aw, don’t they make a good couple’ or ‘Rajni and Zachery sitting in a tree.’ Me and her didn’t mind, we just used to ignore it like anyone else would do.
By year ten, I had a lot more friends. And I mean a lot more. People used to call me ‘the Pimp’ or a ‘womaniser’ because of the amount of ‘girl friends’ I had. Even though they were mocking me, I felt that I belonged somewhere, at last. Me and Rajni both took Design and Manufacture (as exciting as it sounds, all it is is learning how to design and manufacture products in industry), plus her other friend Xin Qian. Xin was somewhat popular. She knew everyone and anyone, but, her remarks about ‘very promiscuous people’ in our school were quite funny. Every time we had Design and Manufacture, she’d just bitch and bitch, but that is what made her, her. But, let not forget her dirty mindedness. She could change anything dirty or make anything awkward. In the end, she had rubbed this attribute off onto me and Rajni. But, let’s not get too ahead of ourselves.
By the end of Year ten, I thought it would be time to time to tell someone. The first person I ever told that I was gay was one of my friends called Alanna Ros. I wouldn’t say that we were complete best friends at first glance. But, by the end of Year ten, we had become friendlier. It came around me telling her through my remarks on a popular social networking site about that everything was bad and that I just had had enough. This was understandable for someone who thought that they didn’t fit anywhere. She came onto chat asking me if I was okay and everything, I said no and she asked why. I told her. I told her that I thought I didn’t fit anywhere and she understood. She understood what I was going through because she had been through it herself. She had been through the confusion and the emotions. Then, she asked me the question. She asked me if I was gay. I said to her, hoping that she would think something different, what do you think? She took it the wrong way and she was jubilant that I had told her. I wasn’t because I thought that she’d think something else. But, these things happen and it usually works out in your favour.
By year eleven, things had gotten even better. People who had previously hated me had grown up and now, instead of bitching about me, just ignored me. This was good for me and them. I also did not get as stressed in social situations and I just learned to be me and ignore anyone who didn’t like me. Another thing that happened as well is that my form tutor got fired for undisclosed reasons. Because of this, we had a new form tutor, Mr Raynor. Mr Raynor was a large fellow with a strange taste in music. Anywhere from classical up to film scores. To add to this, he played it every form time. But no one ever said anything to him as not to hurt his feelings. Because, even though he was a strange man, he would not hurt a fly. Having a new form made me gain new friends and regain old ones. My best friend in form, even though I hadn’t known her for very long, had to be Danni Andrews. Reigning from Essex, she was one of the funniest people I had ever met. I adored her because I could be me around her. She didn’t judge me or make fun of me; she was there for me. There is one memory though lodged inside my brain the first time I sat next to her in form. She said to me:
‘If you want to talk to me about anything, like anything, or you want to tell me you’re gay, I’ll be there for you.’
I think that was one of the most awkward times of my life.
March in Year eleven was quite peculiar as well. I picked this month out as it was the most eventful. The first eventful event happened around the first or second week in. Me and Rajni had just finished school and we were walking pass people. I said that I would wait with them and wait for other people. This happened for about five minutes and Rajni got impatient so, she started to walk to the bus stop. Being the friend that I am, I started following her just to make sure that she had some company. We passed the first bus stop and started walking down the back alley behind it. We never used to wait at the first stop as it was usually crowded. So, we walk down the back alley, behind all the houses until we got to the sheds. Then I saw him, the person I had been literally drooling over for the past two years. I mean, he had blonde hair, blue eyes and a bubble butt that anyone would die for. When I had stopped staring, Rajni said:
‘I do hate that boy. He is such a dick head.’
Me being me, I somewhat agreed. But I had to tell her. I started to say:
‘I want to tell you something but I don’t know how to say it.’ She encouraged me and I said it in quite a strange way. I said:
‘I’m as camp as a row of pink, catholic tents, what does that make you think?’
She said: ‘That you’re gay.’ Then it hit her. I was gay. Because of this, I think that she loved me more. I mean, Rajni wasn’t a traditional British Indian, she was more open minded.
The other eventful event happened later that month. During dinner time, Danni and our other friends had been discussing things. I said that I needed to make up with this other girl as apparently she had said that I had come out to her. This was not the case. But, I think I was making a somewhat big fuss about it and this led other people on to it. Then one of Danni’s friends said, ‘ It’s okay, we know.’
And I’m just like ‘You know what?’ Trying to act dumb.
‘We know you’re, ya know, gay.’ And I was so relieved. I was relieved that it was into the open.
Straight after that, I said: ‘Let’s go up to form.’ Everyone said okay. Then, I asked Danni and her friend how long have they known. Danni said as soon as she got here she knew and her friend said that she had known since year seven. Then it clicked. That’s why she said that I could tell her anything at the beginning of the year. That sly bitch!
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