Live somewhere near people with big guns. (It will keep zombies away for a little while.)
Play angry rock music all the time. (It will get you in the mood to kill some douche bag zombitchezzz!!)
Shoot yourself and/or your family in the face. (A: die by bullet to the brain. B: Get eaten alive by ravenous flesh eaters.)
Even if you are a lady, you better grow some giant brass balls. (You either grow the hell up or die. Your choice.)
Learn self defense. (Or how to decapitate with your bare hands. Again, your choice.)
Adapt. (Uhm. Live under the earth or high up in the trees.)
Watch so many zombie movies and play so many zombie games that you develop the skills you need to kill the zombies. (Like I said. You need me to spell it out?)
Grow muscle. (No steroids. That’s cheating.)
Become Chuck Norris. (Hah! You wish.)
Be happy. (Or sad, or angrily psychotic.)
Smash stuff. (Find a weapon! Fast!)
Enjoy the little things. (Love, bonding, children, kissing, playing…)
Abandon religion. (If you believe in anything but Satan.)
Pray for a really long time. (if you believe in all but Satan.)
Watch Family Guy. (If death is imminent, you might wanna go happy.)
Be Alice from Resident Evil. (Nuh-uh. Maybe Claire? She’s badass too.)
Have super fighting skills like Milla Jovovich in some of her movies. (They are SICK!!)
Be as sexy as Chris Evans. (Will that help? Nor really. But a lot of girls like muscle.)
Run as fast as you can, don’t fall or look back. (Because that makes you just plain stupid.)
Carry weapons. (Survival tactic no. 1. Always have a way out. Actually, that has nothing to do with weapons.)
Always have a way out. (I’m too lazy to switch these two around or whatever. Weapons are your first line of defense.)
Bake pie. (I will steal your pie.)
Learn how to ride horses. (Fast enough to run from zombies, sometimes the only mode of transportation.)
Cover up. (Makes it harder to receive infection from zombie if passed on by saliva, scratches, or open wounds.)
© Copyright 2017 Ryoka. All rights reserved.
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