Mask Behind Mask

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
A young girl starts to feel different but the not the good different the 'I don't know whats happening' different. With no one to talk to only A Secret Diary can be her 'friend'. But what if someone reads it and holds it against the young girl. Will her secret get out?

Submitted: July 16, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: July 16, 2012



I Dear Diary,

I can imagine him so perfectly. I can imagine my life moving forward with this person in my life. The way he talks to me; the soft tone of that voice I love, his grey eyes; eyes stormy like a terrible storm but filled with such love and understanding. And the face; the strong cheek bones, the perfect smile everyone wishes for. However despite all of my dreams of this person I do not care about the skin colour, how tall or short this person is, but the only thing I care about this fantasy is…. Well that can wait, as, well you are my first diary entry and I can’t go straight into this. Scared you might judge me. Silly of me of course and no diary can write back, but that’s what I’m like, I hate judgment, I hate it when people get an impression of that person because of their skin colour, sexuality, gender to most people in life nowadays you have to be perfect, not be a freak, unnatural, being UNIQUE I guess everyone has to be perfect in every single person eyes to be cast as normal. Parents; well most parents around here are quite strict or need their children to be ‘normal’ well that’s London for you, full of Asians, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with Asians I’m just saying there’s to many where I live right now. Well from where I was telling you about the ‘dream’ well I guess it’s ‘normal’ for a ‘girl’ to think about right now. Well I ain’t no average girl I’m a tomboy, well most of the time on how I act I would consider myself as a boy. Well how I act is normally at school and at home by myself with no-one around when I’m around family I act in between instead of my more boyish side. Well I guess diary you get where I’m coming from, you should obviously know I’m a girl, and I’m more boyish than I act. Well I just hope I can get my emotions and differences out in this diary.

From Zak aka Yasmine.

Closing the diary that lays on the palm of my hands taking in the appearance that I see, a dark blue colour with a tree at the left bottom hand corner with the branches spreading out with golden leaves sticking closely to the branches scared as if it will fall off, and yet little leaves lay at the bottom of the diary, some already on solid ground but some slowly coming to the end. I sigh as I know I need to hide this from my family so they don’t look through, which I’m pretty sure they would do. And despite trying to find a diary with a lock I just couldn’t find one so I’m stuck with this. I sighed. These feelings are getting worse I’m trying to figure out what is happening or how this started to happen I was a happy person and now I’m just confused. It used to be simple. Thinking that I’m who I’m today. Nope. It’s all a big joke. My life never used to be this confusing; I guess I started to look at things from a different perspective, imagining what it would be like to be that sort of person and how my life may be different from how it is now. I guess I was just getting bored with myself now, like I can’t succeed with who I ‘am, I can’t move anywhere I’m just glued to where I’ am and nothing can change that, but only one person can do that and that person is: me. But I know I don’t have the guts to change anything, I desperately want to tell someone I feel like a fire is starting inside of me and is waiting to be put out, to be stop to its destruction. But no its nothing like that you have to have the courage to do that making sure there isn’t anything flammable inside of you, calm like a river but as confident as a shooting star. Well I’ m defiantly ain’t like that, if I was I wouldn’t have a diary in the first place. When I get that strong pull towards that certain connection I feel like no else will understand what I’ m going through, well I know other people from around the world has gone through it but I know that no one in my family has gone through it, and well I guess that’s what is making me nervous. You know when you get those fantasies on how everything will go on in your head but not in real life, well I get a lot of those: I always imagine myself as someone else and telling my family and that everything will be ok. But that’s in my head. It’s not gonna happen like that in real life, things like that never happen so simply. There are always bumps along the roads on your way, and some people get pass them and some people are near the end of the road and some haven’t even started the journey yet for example: me. I’ m just afraid of what I might come across, and I may not be able to deal with it. My family is quite open minded about lesbians, gays and bisexuals Etc and yet I can't tell them whats on mind. I just wouldnt feel comfortable talking to them about my problem.

I slowly get up from my bed with my diary in my hand, my eyes wondering around my bedroom wondering on where to hide my diary. My eyes come to a hault at my wardrobe, and at the very moment I think to my self ' Will this place be such a good idea, to hide my diary in my wardrobe? I mean....... no one would think to look in there or will they? I don't think anyone would but i have a feeling someone may be nosey and look through my belongings so I better hide it high up' I calmly walk towards my wardrobe still wondering if it be a good idea to hide it there. I put my hand on the handle and pull back, it quietly makes a creaking sound as i open it to the fullest and i peer inside looking top and bottom of the wardrobe, I slightly step through and put the diary on the top self of the wardrobe as i place it down i take some of my old clothes (that i use for sleep wear) and place it on top of the diary and ever so gently i push the diary back so it wouldnt make it obvisous. Slightly backing out of the wardrobe i close it behind me hearing the creaking once more. I walk towards my bed and lie down facing the ceiling. I sigh tomorrow is school and I'm not looking forward to it,I sigh once more and I shut my eyes telling myself I won't be asleep for too long. Getting into a more comfortable postion, my breathing comes out steadily as I feel the land of dreams take over my mind

(I've finally done the first chapter hopefully i should put another chapter up by tomorrow. Please tell if you dont like it, tell me what i could improve in this and please dont go to hard on me its my first time something like this. Thanksxx:D Chapter 2 Will be out shortly)

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