Whisper (Not Changing the Title)

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Poetry  |  House: Booksie Classic
A recollection of the thoughts brought on by an abusive relationship.

Submitted: December 26, 2013

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Submitted: December 26, 2013



Sitting on the floor of a hot shower and there’s nothing to do but think.

One more time I think of you and one more time I feel my heart sink.

Drown me in gasoline, light a match to take the pain away

It’s all I want to do when I think about it day after day

Please take the pain away

And when I think about the endless fights

And all the needless beating

I can say I miss you less

But these scars on me will never heal

I’m an unbelievable mess

I hate you for the things you’ve done

It’s impossible to forgive

How can I ever forget the things you made me believe when we first met?

I was an utterly naive fool

To let myself get used like that

Cut my throat and drink the life to take the pain away

Please take the pain away

I can’t take it anymore

The endless thoughts and boundless pain

I want to know what its like to feel the sunshine again

When I’m locked up in the dark recesses of my mind

The memories come rushing back every single fucking time

Memories of when I was scared and wanted it all to end

Reminiscent of the times we shared

Realizing now the idea of happiness was all inside my head

A pipe dream doesn’t mean a thing

When all you can do is cry

So I took back all my shit and gladly said goodbye

But the wounds still are open

Being lacerated every night

Looking back at it now, how did I let you convince me you were right?

You told me it was all my fault

And I was just a whore

Never deserving of any love

And that being with me was such an awful chore

But you still said that you loved me

And that you couldn’t understand

You told me if I left,

No one else would ever hold my hand

The lies infiltrated my mind

And got inside my head

It was your voice I heard for so long

That told me I’d be better dead

And sometimes I still hear it

The whispers in my mind

They tell me I’m not good enough
That I’ll never be worth anybody’s time

Yet whenever someone asks me

I tell them at that I’m fine

Put on that fake smile

They are accustomed to seeing all the time

Little by little, each gesture corrodes my soul

Who knew a little laugh could take such a damn toll?

Fuck those happy faces

Of all those people in love

How come it seems like I was never good enough?

When happiness falls into their hands.

I’ve learned I can live without

We all survive in some shape or form

When we are growing and our hearts are torn

Thrown onto the floor to see

Our souls exposed, mind shattered to little pieces

All seeming to be completely without reason

And all we know and all we see

Is how fucked up with think we are

Longing to find someone who could relate

Someone to show our scars to

Someone to share our fate

But I know that isn’t possible

I won’t count on anything

Because the one thing you taught me was

To not hope for anything

I know now you never loved me

I wish I could say the same


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