The Idealers

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
To deal with writer's block, a writer goes to an idea dealership to buy a new idea.

Submitted: August 11, 2014

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Submitted: August 11, 2014

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I’ve got a nasty case of writer’s block. That’s why I took a trip to the idea dealers; to the idealership. The people there are doctors of idea. They have PhDs in idea. These were the people to go to when stuck with writer’s block.

It was a Tuesday morning, raining. I grabbed an umbrella, which was a good idea. It was a long walk to the idealership. A better idea would have been to take a car, but I hadn’t thought of it. I underestimated the walking distance.

After a nice, wet, long walk, I’d made it to the idealership. I read the sign above the door. “The Idealership: Concepts, Thoughts, Stories, and Inventions.” This was the place to be.

I was greeted upon my entrance in the building.

“Hi, welcome to the Idealership! Boy, have I got a concept for you. Are you interested?” said the idealer.

“Not today, thanks,” I said.

“No? Then how bout an invention? You fancy yourself an inventor? I see you’re carrying an umbrella. You know that was one of ours. We came up with the idea for the umbrella, and we sold it, like all of our ideas. So how bout it, bud? Can I interest you in an invention? Or maybe you’re just here for the sake of having an original thought? We carry a wide selection of original thoughts.”

“Actually, I’m a writer. I have writer’s block.”

“Ah, I should have guessed. We get a lot of those. Allow me to return to my office and retrieve the file of our newest stories. If you like, you can take a look around the idealership, take a look at some of our finest ideas we’ve had to offer. I’ll be back soon. It won’t take a minute.”

So I took a look around the idealership. There was a large display featuring a loaf of bread encased in a box of glass with a spotlight hitting the bread. This was a display for the invention of sliced bread. Sliced bread was one of their proudest ideas. Next to the bread display was another bread related display. It featured the slogan “The best thing since sliced bread!” I guess the slogan was one of theirs, too.

Next to all of the bread, there was a large book filled with original thoughts. I skimmed the book for a while. Some of my favourites were: “The first water on earth must have been really clean” and “I wonder if dogs know they’re dogs.”

The idealer returned at that point. He brought the story file with him.

“Why don’t we talk in my office,” he said.

We went into his office. He sat behind his desk, and I sat in the chair available across from him.

“We have plenty of story ideas to offer to you today. How about this one? A doctor invents a pill that can cure any disease or any problem that ails you.”

“Hmmm, I’m not too sure on that one.”

“But wait, think of the possibilities! Someone could go into the doctor’s office asking for the problem pill because his problem is he doesn’t know how to dance.”

“I think I’ll pass on that one.”

“Ok, well how about this one? The main character is the Ancient Greek mathematician Archimedes, and he decides he wants to break into the world of stand up comedy. He goes by the title of ‘Stand-up Archimedian’.” The idealer presented that idea with a look of “ta da” of his face, and the accompanied jazz hands.

“Boo! Next.”

“Well, if you didn’t like that one, maybe you thought it was ‘lame’ or what have you. Try this one of for size. You’re writing a fictional autobiography of a chicken named Richard. You tell his heroic tale of escape from the coop after witnessing the horrible tragic death of his brother, Alan the chicken. Richard the chicken then goes on to-”

“All of these ideas are terrible. I’m leaving. I’ll come up with my own idea.”

It had stopped raining. I still had my umbrella. I didn’t walk home. This time I’d had the idea to take a cab.

I returned home, sat at my typewriter, and began clacking away. “RICHARD: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF AN UNLIKELY HERO”.


© Copyright 2019 Sam Dow. All rights reserved.

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