WRITING YOUR OWN LOVE STORY

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic
AN ESSAY ABOUT YOUNG WOMEN'S WILD JOURNEYS TO LOVE AND WRITING ONE'S OWN LOVE STORY.

Submitted: March 04, 2010

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Submitted: March 04, 2010

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WRITING YOUR OWN LOVE STORY

MANY YOUNG WOMEN AROUND THE WORLD SPEND HALF THEIR LIVES DISATISFIED WITH LOVE. SOME JUST HAVEN'T MET MR RIGHT, OTHERS HAVEN'T GOTTEN THE O.K. FROM THEIR HIGHER POWER, AND A GROWING TREND: THE GIVING-UP ON THE OPPOSITE SEX ALTOGETHER.

WITHOUT KNOWLEDGE OF YOUR EXPERIENCES, BACKGROUND, AND SYSTEM OF BELIEFS, THE END-ALL-BE-ALL-KNOW-IT-ALL ADVICE COLUMNIST WILL NOT BE MY POSITION. NO, I PLAN TO LET READERS GLEEN THEIR OWN TRUTHS FROM MY EXPERIENCES AND MISHAPS IN LOVE.

FROM AGE 7 TO 27, ADMITTANTLY, I'M A LOVE ADDICT, CODEPENDANT, MANIPULATOR. MEN WOULD SAY, DUH, ALL WOMEN ARE, BUT YOU HAVEN'T DEALT WITH ME . . .

FROM HUMOROUS, TO TRAGIC, TO TRIUMPHANT, THE FOLLOWING SHORT STORIES ARE A TESTAMENT OF ME;THE FINAL,THE CONCLUSION OF MY LOVE STORY SEARCH.

THE LOSS OF INNOCENCE

THE TURNING POINT OF MY LOVE LIFE SPIRAL, LIKE MANY, BEGAN WITH MY 'FIRST LOVE.'

LOVE IN THE BEGINNING THERE WAS SWEET ADORATION BETWEEN TWO SUCCESSFULL HIGH SCHOOLERS. BORN FROM COMMON INTERESTS AND SOCIAL CIRCLES AND FOR LATE-NIGHT MOVIES AND THREE-HOUR-LONG PHONE CONVERSATIONS, I WAS 'HAPPY.' THIS WAS MY DESTINY: STAR ATHLETE, VALIDICTORIAN-IN-THE RUNNING, SOCIAL BUTTERFLY, HANDSOME, ATHLETIC, SMART AND ONE-YEAR-OLDER POPULAR BOYFRIEND. THESE WHERE NOT MY GREAT EXPECTATIONS, THESE WHERE THE EXPECTATIONS, NOT ONLY OF ME, BUT MY PARENTS, COACHES, AND TEACHERS. IN MY 16-YEAR-OLD MIND, THERE WAS NO PRESSURE, IT WAS EASY. IT WAS JUST ME, WHAT I KNEW TO BE MY DESTINY: PERFECTION.

THE SPIRAL BEGAN WITH THE END OF MY JUNIOR YEAR AND THE ONSET OF SENIOR PARTIES. TIME SPENT TOGETHER, PHONE CALLS, AND LOVE LETTERS PASSED DURING PASSING PERIOD DWENDLED. MY MATTER-OF-FACT RATIONALE, DISAPPEARED AND WAS REPLACED BY A NEW FEELING: DESPERATION.

WHEN ONCE MY THOUGHTS WERE ON THE TEST, THE GAME, THE PARTY, THEY NOW TURNED TO WHERE HE WAS, WHO HE WAS TALKING TO. FOR ONE WHOSE SOLUTION FOR SUCCESS WAS DOING NO WRONG, WRONG BECAME THE ANSWER.

THE FREQUENCY OF PHONE CALLS AND DATES NOW HAD AN INVERSE RELATIONSHIP. THE MORE I TRIED TO BE WHAT HE WANTED, THE FURTHER HE PUSHED AWAY FROM ME. ILLQUIPPED FOR THE LOSS OF ATTENTION AND LEVEL OF PERFECTION, I RESORTED TO HIS NEW WAY OF LIFE: GARAGE PARTIES, SMOKING, DRINKING, AND, THE THE MOST PAINFULL OF ALL, SEX.

OUR RELATIONSHIP HAD BEEN MILDLY PHYSICAL IN THE PAST, BUT NOTHING COMPARES TO THE ANGUISH OF GIVING ONE'S SELF FOR UNKNOWN TRANSGRESSIONS. THE DAGGAR WAS TWISTED AT THE MOMENT WHEN I FOUND OUT, FROM A CLOSE GIRLFRIEND, THAT HE HAD BEEN SLEEPING WITH A SENIOR CLASSMATE, SOMEONE THAT I CONSIDERED TO BE A FRIEND. THE SLEEPLESSNESS, WEIGHT LOSS, ABUSE OF MY BODY, AND RECKLESSNESS WILL NEVER BE RECOVERED, AND THE PSYCOLOGICAL THOUGHT PATTERNS WILL, MOST LIKELY, CONTINUE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

THIS STORY IS NOT AN EXCUSE OR BLAME. THE COMMUNICATION LINES THAT I TOOK PRIDE IN UPHOLDING BECAME NONEXISTANT. THOSE THAT LOVE ME THE MOST, MY PARENTS, AND BEST FRIENDS NOW OBSERVED A SHELL OF WHAT THEY KNEW: INSECURE, DISTANT, DISHONEST, AND PRIVATE.

SOCIAL REDEMPTION

THE ENTIRE LOVE STORY SAGA IS NOT ONLY FULL OF SAD-SACK-SELF-PITY. . .

I GRUADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. WITH THIS, A NEW LIFE BEGAN.FOCUS TURNED FROM WOE-IS-ME , TO JOINING THE ELITE SORORITY, SCORING ELITE GRADES, AND DATING THE DULLEST, WEALTHIEST, FRAT-DADDY, 6TH-YEAR ON CAMPUS.

SERIOUSLY, CONGRESS SHOULD PASS A LAW, MANDATING CHASTITY BELTS FOR ALL COLLEGE FRESHMEN - ALL OF A SUDDEN, THERE IS A FLOOD OF INDEPENDENCE, PARENTAL FUNDING, ALL-U-CAN-EAT CAFETERIA FOOD, OCCATIONAL DOPE, AND BOOZE.

WHO ON EARTH ALLOWED THIS TO HAPPEN? 18-YEAR-OLD PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BE THROWN INTO A CONSEQUENCE-LESS EXISTANCE, WITH SPENDING MONEY, AND A WISH-TO-REBEL FROM MUM AND DADDY. . .

NOT TO SAY THAT IT WASN’T WAY, WAY FUN AND A TIME OF SOME SERIOUS SELF DISCOVERY.

I THINK THAT WAS THE BEAUTY OF IT.NO LONGER WAS I TIED TO MY FAMILY, NO LONGER WAS I ASSOCIATED WITH THE EX, MY GRADES, MY SPORTS, MY ANYTHING.

NEVERMIND, CONGRESS.

DURING THAT TIME, I DISCOVERED WHO I AM,. DEVELOPED MY OWN OPINIONS, MY OWN POLITICS, MY OWN VALUES.

I FELT GOOD, YET, STUPID AT THE SAME TIME. FOR ONCE SOMETHING WAS MY OWN, SURE, A PRODUCT OF NATURE AND NURTURE, BUT NONETHELESS, A NEWNESS EMERGED.

I AM A PERFECTIONIST (IN ACADEMIC REALMS), REBEL IN IDEALOLOGY, RESEARCHER OF CHRISTIANITY,FREE SPIRIT BY NATURE, AND AREFORMATIONIST FROM SOCIETY’S PUSH TOWARDS THE ‘WIFE' . . . OR, DOES THAT JUST MEAN THAT I'M A PIG?

I’M NOT, NOT, NOT WIFE-LY.I DON’T DO LAUNDRY UNTIL I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO UNDERWARE (BUT HAVE BEEN KNOWN TO GO COMANDO FOR LONG PERIODS OF TIME). LOVE TO BE OUTSIDE. LOVE TO SLEEP OUTSIDE. LOVE TO PEE OUTSIDE. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN A FAIRY . . . IN NATURE, I FEELTHAT MY MIND IS MOST CLEAR, MY EMOTIONS MOST MY OWN.

CLEANLINESS, AYE, THAT'S THE RUB . . . I DON’T DO DISHES UNLESS I CAN’T FIT ONE MORE DISH IN THE SINK, BUT I HAVE A SERIOUS PASSION FOR COOKING, DERN GOOD AT IT, TOO.DEVOID OF ALL RECIPES . . . THAT WOULD’T BE TRUE CREATIVITY. WHEN I PAINT, I'VE BEEN KNOW TO GET A DRIBBLE-DRABBLE ON THE CARPET, THE COUCH, AND GUNNAR, MY DOG. I STILL HAVE GLUE IN UNMENTIONABLE PLACES DUE TO MY RECENT BEDROOM REVAMPING, AND STILL HAVE GREEN PAINT UNDER MY FINGERNAILS FROM THE EX-BOYFRIEND-CATHARTIC-PIECE.

REALLY, I THINK THAT I JUST LIKE MAKING NEW STUFF. AND MOST OTHER PEOPLE LIKE IT.ONE OF MYMOST RECENT RELATIONSHIP 'AH-HA'S': A MAJOR DECIDER IN LIFE-LOVE: IF THEY DON'T LIKE YOU, YOU AT YOUR CORE-NESS, DON'T BE WITH THEM, NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE/SHE FITS INTO YOUR PARENTAL-MATE-ADVISORY MEMO.

I'M NOT MY PARENTS. THEY'RE GREAT. BUT I'M NOT MY MOTHER, AS WONDERFUL AS SHE IS. I AM ME. I'M NOT BAD. I'M SMART. I'M CREATIVE. I'M FULL OF COMPASSION FOR OTHER.S. I'M A GREAT LISTENER, GREAT LOVER., AND I DESIRE LOVE IN A LIFE-LONG RELATIONSHIP.

I SOUND CONFIDENT, BUT WHO DOESN'T LIKE TO BE AFFIRMED BY SOMEONE ELSE? FROM A LOVER? FROM A PET? FROM A HOUSEGUEST? FROM YOUR HUSBAND? FROM YOUR COACH? FROM YOUR TEACHER? A STUDENT? A CHILD?

THE ABOVE MENTIONED IS THE MOST LIKELY THE REASON THAT I BECAME A TEACHER AND COACH.I VIVIDLY RECALL MY MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHERS AND COACHES THAT WERE AN ENCOURAGEMENT TOWARDS MY SUCCESS . . .

SUCCESS?

HMMM, I’M 27-YEARS-OLD, SINGLE, IN THE MIDDLE OF A BREAK-UP, A MOVE, A CAREER CHANGE . . . DO I BELIEVE MYSELF TO BE SUCCESSFULL? MORE SO THAN THE COLLEGE YEARS, YET, A SINCE OF URGENCY ENCROACHES . . .

I’M A WOMAN.I DESIRE TO BE LOVED BY A MAN. I WANT PASSION.I WANT A FAMILY. I WANT A CAREER.IWANT TO BE SUCCESSFUL . . .

MUST I HAVE ALL ELEMENTS TO BE A TRUE SUCCESS?TO FEEL WHOLE?TO FEEL VALIDATED AND BEAUTIFUL AS A WOMAN?

MY NEW ANSWER IS, NO.

SOMETHING HAPPENDS AFTER 26.SOMETHING GRADUAL.SOMETHING MAKES YOU STRONGER.POSSIBLY BECAUSE YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN . . .

I’M NOT READY TO WRITE MY OWN LOVE STORY.MY MADE-UP-ONCE-UPON-A-TIME-LOVE-STORIES SUCK.

REAL LIFE’S BETTER,MOST OF THE TIME; SOMETIMES IT'S NOT. SOMETIMES PEOPLE DISAPPOINT ME OR BREAK MY HEART, BUT, ALL-IN-ALL, LIFE IS GOOD, ALWAYS AN ADVENTURE, ALWAYS A SURPRISE, AND I’M HAPPY TO BE ME. . . MESSY, SINGLE, UNSHAVEN, UNBRIDLED, ME!

I FEEL GOOD LEAVING MY LOVE STORY UNWRITTEN, LETTING GOD BE THE DIRECTOR/WRITER/PRODUCER . . . HE’S DONE A PRETTY GOOD JOB SO FAR, IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF . . .


© Copyright 2020 Sam30. All rights reserved.

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