Trick & Rushdie: Mysteries. Part One.

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Thrillers  |  House: Booksie Classic
Just out of Strawgoh School of Witches, Espers and Other Human Beings With Fascinating Talents, Trick Davis soon receives a job as a detective, working under Salman Rushdie. Watch as Trick faces his most cunning enemy yet? David Ben-Gurion!

Submitted: August 17, 2009

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Submitted: August 17, 2009

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Trick & Rushdie: Mysteries
Bigfoot

Trick Davis was born the same way most babies are born.
The day Trick turned eleven, in an event that greatly angered his abusive great-grandfather, the house of whom he was then taking residence in, Trick received thousands of letters from Strawgoh School of Witches, Espers and Other Human Beings With Fascinating Talents. These letters all requested his attendance, as they claimed he possessed "fascinating talents." However, Trick was stumped; he fancied himself, for the most part, a normal human being.
Later that day, before he had a chance to respond or even think the matter through, Trick was led by a very tall, haggard man named Ben to a never visited, except by people with knowledge of this special school, section of Grand Central Station. After a brief climb down a sort of superfluous ladder, Trick found himself facing a building reminiscent of an up scale warehouse. This was Strawgoh.
Trick graduated at seventeen years old, with a sudden desire to enter the field of detective work. Trick began taking on a few free-lance jobs, catching liquor store bandits, train robbers, and other assorted petty criminals. Trick soon realized he was good at this. After turning in actor Leonardo DiCaprio for counterfitting, Trick was approached by Salman Rushdie, with a full-time job offer. As any sane human being would, Trick accepted his offer.
___________________________

"Trick: I've got a tough one for you," Salman Rushdie begins, in his daily briefing. "David Ben-Gurion has captured popular rock band Bigfoot. No details yet on why, but, knowing who we're dealing with, he's plotting something big. You are to assemble Christian-anarchist blogger Steven Stanley, ex-peace protest leader Serenity Angel, and actor Zach Braff to face David Ben-Gurion and save Bigfoot — and quite possibly the world."
Meanwhile, in David Ben-Gurion's lair, David Ben-Gurion begins to reveal his plan to Mikey Foot, lead singer of Bigfoot.
"I have programmed this machine," David Ben-Gurion says, pointing at an inefficiently large laser gun-like contraption, " to fire theta rays at you and your friends here, eventually forcing you into submission to my every suggestion, at which point Bigfoot will be reborn and immediately depart on a world tour, during which, using your music, you will brainwash all attendees to your shows, and assist the building of my personal mutant army!"
David Ben-Gurion makes sure to fit in an evil-sounding laugh after his satisfactory speech.
"There is no way you can possibly get away with this," Mikey Foot says between clenched teeth, currently residing in a very uncomfortable human-shaped restraining contraption, featuring very tight leather straps at both wrists and ankles, opposite the laser-gun like machine. "I will fight you, David Ben-Gurion, even if it means the death of me!"
___________________________

Steven Stanley sits at his computer, writing for his popular blog "Frankincense Not Bombs," when he notices a response to his previous day's blog entry, "Postanarchism and the Path to Heaven."
"Steven Stanley: I need your help. I cannot discuss the details at the present moment, but be assured, you are needed more than you ever have been needed before. Send your response to the provided email address," the comment reads. An email address is included below.
Steven Stanley immediately recognizes his calling from God. This request has a certain urgency, he thinks, only found in messages from The Lord.
Steven Stanley responds, "I will help. What do you need from me?"
Steven Stanley merely receives a location and a time.
"I will be there," he writes back.
___________________________

Serenity Angel stands in her favorite park, in the middle of its gargantuan field, practicing Tai Chi, a common pastime of hers, when a strange young man in a red bowler cap and leisure suit approachers her.
"Hello Serenity," he says, in a warm, appealing voice.
"Hi. Do I know you?" Serenity responds.
"You do not. But you are needed for a very important mission. Political freedoms are at stake," the young man says.
"Well that's not cool," Serenity responds.
The young man hands Serenity a book of yoga positions and walks away. Strange, but cool, she thinks. She then opens the yoga book, and on the first page, written amidst the publication information, notices a location and a time.
"You know what, I'm going to be there. Something has got to be going on, something beyond my understanding," Serenity says out loud, catching the gaze of various parkgoers, all assuming her to be slightly crazy.
___________________________

"Zach Braff," Trick begins, catching Zach Braff between scenes, on the set of a new, secret TV show he had recently begun taping.
"I know. It's David Ben-Gurion. He has to be stopped." Zach Braff responds, in an urgent tone.
Trick then whispers to Zach Braff the very same place and time he provided Steven Stanley and Serenity Angel.
"Can I wear my pirate outfit?" Zach Braff asks.
"No," Trick responds.
"But I love pirates," Zach Braff says, defeated.
___________________________

The gang assembles outside David Ben-Gurion's secret hideout at midnight.
"So like, do we have a plan?" Serenity asks, feeling the need to perpetuate conversation between the team members.
"I don't think any sort of plan would help," Zach Braff responds, before Trick can say a word. "Any plan we make, David Ben-Gurion has already thought of, and will know how to foil. I vote for a direct attack, and facing any consequences later."
"God will have our backs," Steven Stanley proclaims.
"Well, that's cool I guess, it will be like the good old days," Serenity says.
After voicing his agreement, Trick leads them to the front door of David Ben-Gurion's secret hideout, where a very fat Vietnamese man dressed in the traditional Hasidic black hat and suit awaits the group.
"I've got this one," Zach Braff says, stepping ahead of the gang. Then, after a moment of careful thought, tells the guard, "I'm an old acquaintance of Dave's."
The guard looks up and down Zach Braff, then says, "Very well. Then you should know the password," as a malicious smile forms on his lips. "What is the second song sung in a traditional Passover seder?"
"Dayenu," Zach Braff responds, not missing a beat.
"Very well," the guard responds. "Welcome back, friend. I assume these are new recruits for Mister Ben-Gurion's mutant army?" the guard asks.
Zach Braff muffles a gasp, before giving a quiet "Yes." Upon entering, Zach Braff dons the eyepatch he had been hiding in his coat pocket.
___________________________

Once inside, after discussing the potential use of an army to David Ben-Gurion, they arrive at a second door, after walking what seemed to have been only thirty six yards. Next to the door is a number pad. Zach Braff steps up again.
One, nine, four, eight. Zach Braff pushes the corresponding buttons to the year Israel was declared a country. "Access denied," the door security system says coldly. "Activating weaponry."
"Tear gas," Serenity says, having ingested massive quantities of tear gas during the Vietnam protests. "Quick!" she shouts, "everyone behind me. I have immunity!"
The gang jumps behind Serenity, as she heroically takes the full blast of tear gas exhaled by the door's neighboring vent, assumably the aforementioned weaponry. After seven minutes of constant fire, the door lets up, and the group regains their previous formation.
"Thank God," Steven Stanley proclaims.
"Zach Braff," Serenity says, "you're a smart man, but sometimes your intelligence gets the best of you."
One, two, three, four, Serenity types in on the number pad. "Password approved," the computer says, now sounding relieved.
"Of course! David Ben-Gurion must be a Feist fan!" Zach Braff yells in excitement.
___________________________

The gang stumbles into the lair of David Ben-Gurion.
Mikey Foot looks back at them, as best he can in his murderous restraining contraption. "Help!" he yells, "David Ben-Gurion has kidnaped by band Bigfoot, to take control of and attract large crowds for his eventual brainwashing and amassing into a large mutant army!"
"Quiet, you," David Ben-Gurion yells at Mikey Foot, producing a gun from the folds of his large overcoat. "Yes thats right," he says, now addressing the group. "I plan on amassing a large mutant army, with which I will take over the country of Sweden, a largely secular nation. Using the charisma and fame of actor Alexander Skarsgård, notable Bigfoot fan, I will begin to plant the seeds of Judaism into the minds of the conquered Swedish people, and transform Sweden into the new Jewish utopia!"
"David! You have to understand, a Jewish nation acquired through force will never flourish! If you want to see the Jews finally at peace, you must stop this blatant aggression!" Zach Braff suggests to David Ben-Gurion.
"Quiet, quiet, quiet!" David Ben-Gurion yells, in frustration. "My plan is flawless, and, despite your less-than-agreeable attitude, I open my arms to you, my friend, to help the new Jewish country of Sweden prosper," he tells Zach Braff.
"It's useless," Serenity says, "his mind is lost in the throes of insanity."
"You won't get away with this," Trick tell David Ben-Gurion. "I can get the police in here now that I know your plan. I hope you're ready for a lifetime in prison."
Suddenly, the giant laser-like contraption swings around with the part that should fire the laser beam neighboring David Ben-Gurion's head.
"I would really prefer not to involve the police," Steven Stanley admits. "And, David Ben-Gurion," he says, "take this!" Suddenly the giant laser emits an uncomfortably loud humming noise. Everyone but Serenity, having lost a good amount of hearing at rock concerts, covers their ears.
"What I have done," Steven Stanely tells everyone from behind the laser beam object's connected computer terminal, "is programmed this laser to brainwash David Ben-Gurion, and transform him into a fellow Christian anarchist. I do not think hostility will be an issue for him anymore. Oh and Mikey, you should be free."
Mikey watches as the leather straps release his limbs, and quickly retreats from this restraining device he has learned to despise in a short period of time. Steven Stanley then produces a copy of Leo Tolstoy's The Kingdom Of God Is Within You from his apparently large right pocket.
"Where does he keep his wallet?" Zach Braff wonders. "Oh, right, some people keep their wallet in their back pocket," he realizes.
"Here," Steven Stanley says, handing the book to David Ben-Gurion, "this should get you started. God loves you, and hates authority."
"Right, God loves you, and hates authority." David Ben-Gurion repeats.
___________________________

Back at the office, the gang assembles once again. Salman Rushdie begins speaking to them, all seated around a large table. Also present is Mikey Foot.
"Trick? you have accomplished your mission with great competence. I feared David Ben-Gurion might have been up to something big. Serenity? any notion of hippies being useless, you have proven quite false. Your bravery shall be remembered in history books. Zach Braff? I thank you for taking time out of your very busy schedule to help save the world. And finally, Steven Stanley? we couldn't have done this without you."
"I just have one question," Mikey Foot chimes in. "What do you guys think David Ben-Gurion will do now as a Christian anarchist?"
"Mikey!" Everyone yells. They all laugh.
___________________________

The end.


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