Like the Rain

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Romance  |  House: Booksie Classic
"What I felt for you was like the rain. It comes down over you all at once, and there is no way to escape it."

Submitted: March 12, 2016

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Submitted: March 12, 2016



I promised myself that I could have one more night of being in love with you. After this, I am not going to let myself cry over you. 

The boy with the strange eyes. The odd but beautiful combination of green and brown, the color that wasn’t one or the other. The eyes I told you I thought were pretty, and the eyes that haunt my sleep each night. The boy with the permanent rosy cheeks, and the soft auburn brown hair. The hair that you always covered with a baseball hat. And you always got annoyed when I tried to confiscate the hat. The boy who was a perfect height, just taller than me, with perfectly shaped muscles. The boy who was beautiful in too many ways, making it near impossible not to fall in love with him. 
The boy who's personality made it a hundred times easier to fall in love with him. The smile that lit up my entire day, especially if it was intended for me. The way you laughed, or simply snickered quietly. The silly jokes and remarks you’d make during class, which I found amusing, even if they were hardly funny. The way you cared about everyone who was your friend, even if you didn’t know them very well. When you told me about how much you loved kids, my heart melted. 
It seemed like the world to me, but I know our friendship was just that in your eyes. We weren’t super close, but we were fairly good friends, I guess. Some part of me misses when we were just friends, because at least then I could still talk to you. At least then I would be able to text you, and my heart would skip a beat when I saw your name light up my phone. Then, just maybe, I could debate when a good time to snapchat you was. But it’s also a good thing that we don’t even talk anymore. It makes it a bit easier to get over you. But it kills me at the same time. 
When I got the idea to invite you to my ballet performance, I pretty much just laughed it away, since it seemed so absurd. All my friends told me to go for it, so I did. I wasn’t surprised when you said “maybe”, because for most people that means no. However, I was surprised when you asked when and where it was. You seemed actually interested. 
And when you actually said you were coming, and my dad offered to get tickets for you, it all seemed like a dream. The day of the show finally arrived, and just like I feared, you had something come up. But you said you’d try to make it. And you actually did. You came! I was the happiest person on the planet. After the show, I accomplished my goal at the time, which was to take a picture with you. It was pretty dumb, but it meant so much to me. 
Things started to change after that, in a good way. I suggested that we hang out over winter break, and soon enough you asked me if I wanted to the next day. I was in shock. I thought that it was all just an amazing dream, much like the ones I’d had before. 
Right after that, we became “a thing” as people in high school call it. We went to the mall, and just walked around, which was one of my favorite things to do. I know, strange. You came to my house, and met my family. They liked you, and inside my heart was out of control. Everything I wanted was happening. I think my favorite time we shared was when you came over to my house and all we did was relax and watch Mean Girls. We cuddled together on the couch, and went through each other’s social medias. It was so simple, which was why I loved it. The last good time we hung out was when we went to In-N-Out, and then the park. It was cold outside, and I forgot my coat, so you gave me your hoodie to wear. One thing I specifically remember about this time was how you kept laughing at whatever I said. I couldn’t stop giggling, and saying stupid things. I was so in love, and I had hoped that it wasn’t obvious. 
The last time you came to my house was the last good night. Well, it started out good, but ended terribly. At least for me. You came over, and we watched a baseball movie. My sister, however, was just annoying me by trying to show you music videos from the bands I liked. You didn’t seem impressed, or like you were enjoying yourself, which caused me to panic a bit. When you pulled out your phone, and I noticed you were snapchatting some other girl, my heart dropped. I didn’t know what to think. The last straw was when you made some remark about something “Ashley” did--she comes up later in this terrible story--that was when I realized that something wasn’t right. 
I tried to talk to you about it in person, but my mouth just couldn’t get the words out. Your mom asked you to come home, so you said you’d text me about it later. It seemed like forever before you finally messaged me. It all went downhill from there. 
You told me that you didn't like commitment, and you didn't want to string me along. I could pretty much just smell the bullshit from your text. 
Going back to school was painful. I had to see you every day, and I wasn't able to talk to you. I couldn't even look at you, or make eye contact with you without feeling my heart fall down to my stomach. 
The worst part was when I texted you angrily about being with some other girl--who happened to be “Ashley”--and you then told me that you never actually liked me in that way. 
That tore me apart. I realized that I was never good enough for you, even though I thought I was. You made me think that I was something in your eyes, but I was wrong. You said you were truly sorry for leading me on, but I couldn't understand why a person would do that. I didn't see you gaining anything. 
I thought I was going to be fine. I thought maybe I could move on super quick, and it would be so easy to stop thinking about you. I was definitely wrong. You were all I thought about. All I wanted, still, even after everything you put me through. What I felt for you was like rain. It comes down over you all at once, and there is no way to escape it. Unless you cover yourself, which is what I'm doing now. Maybe my umbrella will evolve into a roof. 
Now, all we’ve had are small interactions that were necessary, like when we were just doing our jobs as office aides. 
I know that I miss you. But I know that I can and I will get past this, and over you. Maybe after we graduate, one day we’ll meet again. Maybe it'll be awkward, but we would acknowledge each other in some way. 
One day I won't think about you anymore. Maybe something will happen that'll remind me of you, and I'll think about you for a couple minutes. And then I'll forget again. I long for this day. 

It amazes me when I think about how my soulmate is out there somewhere. It isn't you. It’s someone so much more amazing, and once I meet him, I'll realize why it never worked out with us. And I'll be happy. I will thank God that I didn't end up with you. 
Today, when I was walking through my school hallways, I thought about whoever I am supposed to end up with. I thought about how he has a face which I will love deeply, and it will be the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I thought about how his personality will capture me fully and I won't be able to escape. But I also realized that my face will be the most beautiful thing to him, too. And my personality will capture him, too, and we will be each other’s prison. But it will be a prison that neither of us will want to escape from, because both of us will be so in love. 
I know that him and I will fight for our love, no matter what. I know that the love I will feel for him will be stronger and deeper than anything I've ever felt for anyone--especially you. 
I want to thank you for this lesson. I’ve learned not to fall in love with someone like you. The boy who seems perfect, but is almost too good to be true. You can never really tell who a person is, however. I just hope and pray that I never fall in love with someone like you again. 

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