It's sad when someone can walk right by you and pretend you were never a big part of their life. Theirs a fine line between reality and fairy tales, where you make that line, well thats entirely up to you. Some say that nothing is a fairy tale but, I think that everything that is reality was once a fairy tale, I mean where else would people come up with the things they do.
Someone once quoted 'If you're lucky enough to be different, never change.' Well, Thats where my story begins. I'm a 'normal' 15 year old girl. I'm a sophomore at Polk High school. I try to blend in but its impossible. Our whole school cares about one thing, how fake you can be. Some people take being fake to the next level. When people used to tell me how high school changed them, I thought to myself 'Thats not going to be me.' Gosh, I was wrong. I'm not the same person I was two years ago and I'll never be that girl again, Too much has changed.
I've lost so many friends that I've lost count. My whole state of mind has changed. I wish that High school was like 2nd and 3rd grade, When no one cared what you looked like, all they cared about was your personailty. That's a joke now. Parents think they know how painful high school is, but they really don't. Times have changed and the people have changed along with it.
The things that I've heared said to me and to other people are unspeakable. I've seen people being bullied right infront of me. I've seen people suicidal, all around me, Even when I look in the mirror. I never thought that I would be like that but then again, I never thought I would feel so useless. I just want to stop. Stop thinking, stop trying, stop feeling worthless, just stop everything.
All this started the summer of my 8th grade year. Everyone felt so much older because we all knew that we would soon be a high schooler. I wasn't happy. I didn't wanna leave middle school.
That weekend I was invited to my friend Jennifer's house. It all seemed fine until I heard someone say "Hey Danielle, try this." I looked over my shoulder, there stood Jerred Avery, One of the best football players in the high school. I looked at him, rolled my eyes and said "I'll pass." and quickly walked away. I didn't wanna have a bad reputation. I was walking down the hall when I heard someone say "Hey, Come here." I turned around to see Jerred behind me. I asked "Are you following me or something?" He looked and me and replied " What? No! I was just wondering if maybe you wanted to talk?" I said "Sure. About what?" He glanced back at me and said "Anything. Come in my room." I followed him into his room.
We talked for atleast two hours. We talked about school and our friends and family, Just about everything really. Then he started to act weird. I asked him what was wrong and he just said "I'm starting to like you." I replied "Oh." He looked at me and started kissing me. I didn't know what to do so I just went along with it. He went farther and I told him to stop but he wouldn't. It seemed like It was never ending.
Afterwards, I put my clothes back on and ran out the door. I got outside and ran home, as fast as I could. I finally got home and I could hear my parents aruging. My mom asked me where I had been and I just told her, at my friend Monica's house. I ran to my room and tried to calm down. I couldnt believe what had happened, I mean I didn't even like him. What had I done wrong to him? I just layed there waiting for someone to help me understand. I felt dirty, Like I was nothing. The feeling of remorse and sadness got the best of me. I just wanted to drown in my own tears. I felt like nothing meant anything anymore.
I didn't leave my room for the next three days. My parents were going through a divorce at the time so they didn't really even notice, which made things even worse. I went into the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror, I had never been so disgusted. I didn't see a girl, I saw a shell of my former self. I then realized that no matter what I did, I would always feel incomplete.
I couldn't believe that all my life I've wanted to wait for someone special and all that was taken away. I wanted nothing more than to feel beautiful again or atleast feel alive. I thought that I would just cry but I couldnt even do that. I just felt like the life has been sucked out of me, It was the worst feeling. I wanted to start everything over.
I could hear my dad screaming downstairs. I quietly sat on the stairs and tried to listen. All I could hear was my dad saying that he didnt want anything to do with me or my mom. Hearing that made me realize that no one cared. It was just me in this world. I quickly ran up stairs and went into my room. I found a pencil sharpner and went from there. I couldnt believe that I did what I done, but I couldn't help it. When I was done, I ran my arms under some water and tried to make them stop bleeding. I went to my room and just layed there. I didn't wanna be in this life anymore. All I wanted was to be loved. Is that really too much to ask for? I guess It was.
The next morning I got up earlier than usual, Around 9. I got ready and went on about a 2 mile walk through the woods. I saw so many beautiful creatures of all different shapes and sizes. It was like a dream. I looked down at my watch and realized that It was already seven o' clock. I hurried and ran home. As I started to see my driveway, I saw my dad storming out the front door and going to his car, He started his car and drove away. I ran as fast as I could to the door, I opened it and saw my mom laying on the kitchen floor. I ran to her and asked "Mom, Whats wrong? What happened?" She tried to stop crying and said "He left us. He doesn't us." I looked at her and said "You deserve better than that. We'll be fine without him. After all, Me and you are an amazing team." I helped her up and she went upstairs to her room and tried to fall asleep.
I went to my room and thought to myself, how could someone to so much to someone so innocent. My mom did eveything for My dad and he took all of it for granted. As I was thinking, I heard a loud thump, I ran into my mom's room and I saw my mom on the floor, I ran over there and I said "Mom?" She didn't answer. I looked around her room and saw a body of pain relievers, The bottle was empty, I called 911 and I told them what had happened. I tried to make her wake up, I keep calling her name. I got on my knees, closed my eyes and prayed. I told God that I was sorry for all the mistakes that I had made and that It would mean everything to me if he could make my mom live. I explained to him that she is all I have and She's all I've ever had and I need her and I can't survive without her, I needed a miracle.
A Few minutes later the doorbell rang and It was 3 doctors and their was an ambulance parked out front, I showed them where she was and they lifted her up and put her on a stecher. I started crying, I couldn't hold it in anymore. I couldn't believe that this was happening. I followed them out and got into the ambulance, I watched them put an IV into her arm and put an oxygen mask on her. I asked one of them If she would be okay and they said that they didn't know, but hoped for the best. My heart dropped. I couldn't believe what was happening.
We finally reached the hospital, They lifted her out and pushed her inside. When they got inside they started saying that she needed help immediately. They took her into a room and got her on the medical bed. They started taking tests. We were there for so many hours that I lost count. They told me that I should go home and get some rest but I told them that I wasn't leaving her alone. I wanted for her to okay. I wish It was me that was dying, not her.
The next day, A doctor walked in and said "I've never seen such a thing." I looked at him and started crying again and said "What do you mean?" He looked astonished and said "She's going to have a miraculous recovery." I started to smile and said "She is?" He looked at me and said " Its truely a miracle." He walked away to talk to the nurses about what had happened. I looked up at the sky and said "Thankyou. You're my savior."
I sat on the floor and started thinking about everything that had happened. It got me thinking, If Jerrad had never of done that I would of never of known the dangers of everyday people. If people didn't say the harsh things to me that they did, I wouldn't be the person I am now. If my dad didn't leave us, I would of never of known that me and my mom could survive on our own. It made me realize forget the haters because someone loves you and it also made me understand the meaning of family but also It made me find myself, because at the end of the day the only person you really have is yourself and I'm finally okay with that. No, I'm not perfect but Yes, I am worth it. One day, I know that someone will look at me and have a special sparkle in their eyes and I'll know that their the one for me but for now. It's sad when someone can walk right by you and pretend you were never a big part of their life. That's what happened with me and my dad, I still saw him and I saw knew that he was a big part of my life, but not a good part. It's just me and my mom and I'm perfectly fine with that.
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