“You’re beautiful.” He whispered so quietly it was almost silent. His eyes gleamed in the light and a warm smile spread across his face. I could feel his chest rising and falling evenly under my hand. His green eyes staring intently into mine looked tired, but there was something else in them that I couldn’t quite place. Something I had never seen before.
“You’re exhausted. You should get some sleep.” His head shook softly and he tucked the hair back behind my ear.
“Not unless you’re next to me safe and sound.” I stumbled over my words as he said that. The butterflies were back in my stomach.
“I-I think I could make that work..” I giggled softly. I started walking to my room expecting him to follow. When he didn’t I stopped and turned to look at him, confused. He only smiled and held out his hand. My knees grew weak and I grabbed his hand. He laced his fingers with mine as I led him to my room.
We layed in my bed facing each other with a few inches in between us. I couldn’t help but smile whenever I heard his voice. Soon he fell asleep after we were quiet for a few moments. His breathing got heavier and louder. He looked so peaceful when he slept. He made me feel so tiny his large shoulders blocked the sunlight that was now shining through my window.
I got up carefully trying not to disturb him and crept to the kitchen. I silently cursed myself because I didn’t know what he liked to eat. I grabbed several things out of my cupboards and spread them across the counter top. I had eggs, bacon, pancakes, french toast, waffles, the works. I had no clue what he liked to eat so I made everything I knew how to make.
The bacon popped in the frying pan as I felt warm hands snake around my waist. I froze not sure how to react to Liam’s body against mine and he quickly let go.
“I’m sorry..” He backed away from me. “I.. I didn’t mean to startle you.. I went too far didn’t I..” I could hear the disappointment in his voice and I turned to face him.
“No you didn’t.” I shook my head. Honestly I just wasn’t expecting him to be up yet. “I just.. Dylan.. He never did that before..” He looked at me in astonishment.
“Really? He never put his hands around your waist? He never hugged you from behind?” He stuttered over his words like he couldn’t get them out fast enough. I shook my head and looked down at my feet. The bacon popped behind me breaking the silence and I turned back to the food I was making.
“I didn’t know what you liked to eat... So I just made everything I could. French toast, eggs bacon..” I trailed off and focused on the food. I felt his warm hand on my shoulder and I relaxed. His hand left and I heard the cupboards opening and closing.
“Top shelf, third door to the right of the fridge.” I said directing him to the plates he was searching for. He set two on the counter for us and got out cups.
“Do you want coffee?” He spoke softly and I nodded hoping he saw me. I had already made a pot and he poured himself in a mug. “Cream? Sugar?” He questioned. He seemed so distant now. I took the bacon off the stove and faced him.
“Both please.” I mumbled feeling ashamed of myself. I played with my hands and chewed the inside of my cheek. “I’ll be right back...” I choked out and walked to the bathroom. He took a step towards me as I walked away but I shook my head and he stopped.
I locked the door behind me and I hyperventilated pacing the small length of my bathroom. The tears flooded my eyes and I looked at myself in the mirror. What I saw was not what I wanted to. My cheeks looked too fat and I swear I could see a double chin. I lifted up my shirt pulling at my skin.
“I’m so fat. Fat. Fat. Fat. FAT!” I scolded myself. Every inch of me itched. The dark scars burned and I clenched my fists. I pulled down my sweats to my knees and grabbed the razor from the bathroom drawer.
“Just little ones. So he won’t notice. You can’t let him notice. Just tiny ones.” I reassured myself and drug the sharp blade across my thighs multiple times. Little dots of blood scattered my skin and I sighed in relief. I put the blade back in the back of the drawer and wiped the blood off my legs. I heard a light knock on the door and I started to panic.
“Amanda..? You okay?” Sincerity filled his voice.
“Y-yeah. I’m okay. I’ll be out in a little. Give me a second.” I spoke in a hurried voice. I wrapped bandages around my thighs and pulled up my sweats. Washing my hands free of any blood that may be on them I unlocked the door and walked back to Liam in the kitchen. He had made both of our plates and set them on the small table. He looked up at me from one of the mismatched chairs his eyes full of worry. He got up and went over to me.
“Are you okay?” He wiped the extra tears from my cheeks that I had forgot were there and held my face in his hands. I nodded in response and smiled lightly.
“I’m okay..” I struggled to think of a good excuse. “Just.. Um. Girl problems.” I nodded pleased with my lie and I could see him relax believing what I said was true.
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