We started to walk back to my apartment hand in hand. We talked about everything and nothing all at the same time. I was desperate to get to know more about him. We talked about him the whole time and every time he tried to ask about me I changed the subject. I wasn’t ready for him to know everything.
“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” I asked. It’s like we were playing twenty questions. He nodded softly and his face fell somber. I had hit a soft spot. “You don’t have to answer.. If you’re not ready.. Its okay Liam.” I murmured feeling bad about my question.
“No I want to.” He said shaking his head. “I have two little sisters.” He bit down on his lip hard. “And I had a younger brother.” I squeezed his hand in reassurance and listened to him carefully talk about his sisters. They were twins about three years younger than us. I listened to the crazy things he did to the girls and how much he adored them. He protected them with his life. They were his world. Everything revolved around his baby sisters.
“Hope and Anna are everything to me. I would died if I lost them.” He pulled his lips into mouth and stopped talking for a while. I looked up at him to find him staring off into space. His mind was somewhere else. I didn’t say anything the rest of the way and neither did he. We walked in silence up to my apartment and not once did I let go of his hand.
We sat on the couch side by side. He released my hand and shoved them into his pockets. I pulled my lips into my mouth and looked at the ground quietly with my hands in my lap.
“You haven’t said anything about yourself this whole time..” He pointed out. I sighed knowing I had to tell him something about me. I didn’t want to. I barely told Dylan anything about me why should I tell him yet. I shook my head softly.
“Do you want something to drink?” I asked trying to get out of the situation and went to stand up but he grabbed my arm softly and pulled me back down.
“I want to know more about you. I barely know anything.” He stared over at me. “Please Amanda..” He begged. I had to tell him something, but what? It had to be something small.
“I don’t know.. I don’t have anything to tell.” I lied. “My life is boring and bland.” I glanced over at him and he didn’t believe me for one second. I bit my lip and looked back at my hands avoiding his gaze. I felt his warm hand on my shoulder, his thumb rubbing against it softly.
“There has to be something.” He said.
“Really, there’s nothing.”
“Liam, I said there’s nothing. That means there is nothing. Can’t you just respect that?” I snapped at him. He pulled his hand away quickly. I sighed at myself. “I’m sorry.. I didn’t mean to snap at you.” He shook his head not saying anything. I chewed on my lip and stood up, but this time he didn’t stop me. I walked to the bathroom and locked myself in.
I put my face in my hands as I slid down the wall. I took a deep breath in trying to calm myself. Seconds later there was a light knock on the door. I hitched my breath in my throat and closed my eyes.
“Amanda?” Liam’s, voice barely audible through the door.
“Are you okay?”
“Please open up...” I reached for the doorknob and hesitated. “Please..” He spoke again. I unlocked it and hid my face in my knees before he could opened the door. I felt him sit beside me. He tucked the stray hairs behind my ear and rubbed my back softly.
“I’m sorry for overstepping..” He mumbled. When I didn’t reply he let out a soft sigh. His hand fell on the back of my neck and pulled it away quickly. “Amanda, you’re burning up.” He quickly grabbed my sleeves to push them up on my arm and moved away quickly.
“NO! No, no! I’m fine!” I yanked down my sleeves quickly and pressed my back against the tub. He looked at me confused. Several emotions crossed his face in the matter of seconds. Confused; Scared; Worried; Concerned; None of them were realization. My heart raced in fear and I stared through him.
"Amanda.. What was that all about? Are you okay?" Worry laced his words. Liam moved closer to me but I backed away again so I was just out of reach. He didn't need to know about this part of me. He doesn't need to know how messed up I am.
A cold shiver ran through me and my stomach did flips. I tried to throw up into the toilet but there was nothing in my stomach so it became violent dry heaving. My whole body ached and my scars burned. I felt his hand rubbing my back while my head was buried in the toilet bowl. After sometime I passed out on the floor of the bathroom.
The next thing I knew I was laying in my bed, alone. I couldn't feel Liam's warm body next to me. I shivered and sat up looking around. I was freezing but I was drenched in sweat.
"Liam..?" I croaked out. My throat was raw and dry. He peeked his head in the doorway and smiled softly.
"You're up." He pointed out and walked to my bed. He handed me a glass of water like he could read my mind and I took a small sip to quench my thirst but not enough to upset my stomach.
"I'm sorry about earlier.." I mumbled. I looked down waiting for him to lecture me.
"You don't have to apologize. I'm not sure what happened but when you're ready you can tell me." He spoke softly and I took another sip of my water. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. My throat just hurts a little." His hand pressed against my forehead then dropped away.
"I think your fever went away finally. So thats good. And your stomach?" He questioned.
"Good, do you think you can hold down some food? Even if it's just jello?"
"No." I shook my head softly. My stomach growled and I held it tight, silently cursing myself.
"Sounds like your stomach doesn't agree." He chuckled softly. I bit my lip hard.
"It's just making weird noises. I'm not hungry." I lied. He sighed and nodded softly. I looked down at the blanket letting my hair fall in front of my face. His warm hand tucked my hair behind my ear and I bit down on my lip hard. He stroke my cheek once and got off the bed.
“Where are you going...” I whimpered, not wanting him to leave my side.
“To the kitchen real fast.” He replied with no emotion. I nodded in response and watched him leave the room. I pushed up my sleeves and examined the scars that Liam had almost seen. The thought of him knowing scared me and gave me shivers down my spine. If he knew he would leave me. Dylan found out by accident, but he never brought it up like it made him uneasy. I ran my fingers across them slowly remembering each reason. Most of them because of insecurities that controlled me. Nothing would ever take away my addiction.
“Amanda...” Liam mumbled. I looked up to him in the doorway and he dropped the glass of water on the floor and it shattered. I sat there stunned for a few seconds then shoved down my sleeves. He didn’t say anything all he did was stare at me. Tears welled up in his eyes and I covered my mouth.
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