The rain pours down as if the sky is crying with you. I can feel you watching me from inside through the window. Your glistening, liquid, silver eyes burn through my skull...as if reading my soul. I stand there in thought with the rain washing over me, as if trying to wipe my sins, my anger away. 'It usually happen this way,' I muse to myself. 'So what about this time is different.' The evening went like any other. I came home late. You question me about where I was this time. I could feel my defenses rise up. I snap at you to stay out of my business. I can see the fire in your eyes come alight. And I knew there will be a screaming match about to start. We fight and I say things I don't mean. You cry, and I know you believe those words. I swear without thinking once more. 'Where the hell is my filter on my mouth!? On vacation!?' I cried mentally. You beg me to stop yelling. I laugh at the irony before realizing what I have done. You scream at me to get out and don't come back until I get myself straightened up. I walked without much worry, it wouldn't be the first time you have done this. You slam the door behind me, I can almost feel the windows shuddering in fear of the thunder you have just caused. Normally I would sit on the steps, and wait for you to calm down.
But this time, I keep walking. You are watching me, waiting for me to turn back and go to you, giving you a apology and a empty promise we both know I won't keep. I keep going without looking back, I cross the tree line. You have tears filling your eyes once more, I flinch at the sound of your sobs. They burn me, imprinting itself on my mind, staying there forever. I can't help it I start destroying everything in sight. Breaking brances, snapping twigs, and crushing rocks...but it's not enough to rid myelf of the guilt, the pain, and the anger. You stare trying to spot me in the shadows of the night, looking for me where I am hidden among the woods. I trek back slowly, the emotional pain crippling my ability to think clearly. I see you open the door, drinking in my appearance. Eyes widing at the sight. Cuts, bruises, and blood cover my body, and stain my clothes.
I finally break down and cry, when I see concern written on your face. "Why do you wait? I'm so horrible to you. Please close the door in my face or end the pain!?" I was whispering so softly I doubted you heard me. But you reply back as you draw me into your arms, making me cry harder, you whisper just as gently into my ear, "I can't help it. I need you. The fighting and all, you make me whole." Then you pull back and I see a smile on your face. I tense at the sight, feeling rage bubbling up inside or me, but I stop myself and take a deep breathe. I peer closer at you, studying your eyes. And I finally understand what it was. It was not cold, or mocking. It was sad. I close my eyes feeling a fresh wave of guilt overpower me. I open them, my own smile making my mouth tilt up. Because in the end, we both know it will happen again. It is after all love's cruel cycle.
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