Sometimes the Only Answer is Divorce

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Non-Fiction  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short non-fiction story I wrote during a turning phase in my life. Sometimes the hardest things you have to go through are most rewarding accomplishments you could ever achieve.

Submitted: May 21, 2009

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Submitted: May 21, 2009

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SOMETIMES THE ONLY ANSWER IS DIVORCE
 

Sixteen years of marriage. “Was it wasted time?” I asked myself over and over again as I sat alone in my new apartment, a single woman after sixteen years of being part of a couple. NO…was my answer 90% of the time. “Would I ever recover from this?” would be the next question of my weekend ritual self-questionnaire after I sent my kids to be with their father.

As a young bride, fresh out of high school, I never thought about divorce. Oh, I definitely knew of the word but didn’t think of it being part of my vocabulary, not until nearly ten years of marriage. The next six years would be a battle of decision-making I didn’t know if I was ready for. My husband and I had what seemed like the perfect family on the outside but that was not at all the situation once you entered our front door. Even though we did love each other, or so I thought, we just couldn’t seem to get along to save our lives. We would argue about anything arguable. I had noticed that we never sat in the same room anymore not even to eat supper. Our interests seemed to be so different than when we were 18 and 19 years old. Even our goals for the future were totally different. This was the beginning of my new identity but I wasn’t willing to accept it just yet.

Within a year we were separated due to some major issues that a marriage should never have to face. But within three weeks he was back home. We decided to renew our wedding vows to start over fresh. We wanted to include the kids in the start of a new beginning for our family considering they had witnessed the arguments, the separation, and the reconciliation. Needless to say, I never would have phathomed that it was all in vane. We renewed our vows in June, a day before our original wedding anniversary date in order to celebrate at a different time. Within less than three months we were separated again. This was nearly one year to the day from our previous separation. Our marriage was becoming a joke to both of our families that if we could make it to September, we could make it another year. Not to mention our children were getting older and we couldn’t hide the problems from them any longer. After three more years of living like roommates instead of husband and wife I finally hit the breaking point. I had begged him to go to therapy, counseling, a preacher; just someone to help us or the only alternative would be divorce. I couldn’t live like this anymore but at the same time I couldn’t imagine my life without this man.

I talked with a couple of friends from work about what I was going through. One lady told me she did the same thing with her marriage. I was going through what she called a mourning period and then once I was through this, I would be able to make up my mind once and for all. She was absolutely correct!! After about a year of trying to make up my mind, I knew that the best thing for all of us would be to go our separate ways and finish this as friends. And I truly believe that it all happened just like it should have. Even though it was painful, the last five years of my marriage was a time of preparing for the beginning of my new identity as a single woman and a single mom. 

I have remarried since then and couldn’t be happier. I finally found someone with the same goals, the same dreams, and even the same employer. Brian, my new husband, knew what I had been going through and understood when I turned him down for a date to explore being a single person for the first time in sixteen years. He had been in my shoes only a few short months before my own divorce. “My ex husband is a great friend, a great father, but he just wasn’t husband material,” I would tell my friends at work. “We grew up and apart”. He enjoys being single and I am enjoying being married to my equal. 

Do I regret my past? NO!! How can I? Without everything I went through, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I went from being an eighteen-year-old bride without a job, without children, without a college education to being a thirty-seven year old woman, with two beautiful children, a wonderful husband, a great stepson, and a college education with a job at the very same college I graduated from. And not to mention a great (yes, I said GREAT) ex husband. There is hope after divorce. Did I have to marry again? No. I know I would have been just fine had I not. It was my decision to marry Brian because for the first time in my life, I know what it’s like to be married to your true soul mate. I thank Eric, my ex husband, for many things he did give me in my life especially my children. He gave me the will to get my college education in order to take care of my kids and myself. He pushed me to get out of the house and get a job. And without that job, I would have never met Brian. God has a plan for us all…the paths may map out differently but they always lead to the same final destination…the person He meant us to be. 

I chose to look at my divorce as a new beginning not an ending. I’m not saying that it wasn’t hard and nearly wore me down, but I conquered something I thought would break me into. I joke with my ex husband now that our divorce was actually a celebration for both of us. I still hold on to the good memories of those sixteen years, I am still working on letting go of the bad memories, but I now have a chance to create new memories. My children are doing much better than they were in those last five years and even though the divorce was hard on them, especially my son, they do understand why it had to happen and how much better mommy’s and daddy’s attitudes are towards each other. They didn’t lose a family; they gained a bigger family. Divorce is not always a bad thing, but a chance to start something better.


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