my poem -what I Have BEcome

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Other  |  House: Booksie Classic
self questioning dark poetry

Submitted: August 23, 2012

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Submitted: August 23, 2012



i hope you enjoy this is my first time ive ever written so calld poetry



By searchingfortruth.


There i go again lying to mysef

saying it'll be alright

its not that bad for my health

mistakes i make over and over again

difficult in learning lessons

telling myself its coming to an end

creatures of habit, just a little more

trying to feel a little better than before

this will be the last time and then ill quit

excuses i make for just one ore hit

dazed and confused, jelousy and rage

promises broken, guilty, time to turn the page

but the next page is blank except for a grave

i cant stop using even though i know its bad

losing everything i've ever wanted that i once had

splitting family ties from my substance abuse

my battles getting weaker, i try, i feel there's no use

for what i have become cannot be undone

so i crawl through the world quietly,

with no acceptance from society

i have died from inside of me

maybe she is right and im rotten inside

she is still the only one in who i can confide

she was the choosen one the one i called my bride

9 short years together but nearly one third of my life

i keep breaking her heart cutting like a knife

so why can't i stop

im outta control

full of demons

with reasons

that dont need to be


i need to be

in control of my own,

my own throne, in the zone and focused

to pull my shit together

i cant stay this way forever

or ill be dead by 40 looking back on what i had

cheeky bad and naughty, i need to be a responsible dad

cause im far too clever for these demons to beat me

sick and tired of living like a zombie

and a made man without a care in the world

when my true thoughts feelings so sick i want to hurl

the pain when i see happy familys together having fun

start to second guess myself and think what the fuck have i done?

i'm partying too hard

i'm living like an animal

my bodys screaming stop

im like a self eating cannible


that i could end up like this?

i feel there is no way out there is no way to resist

the temptation

and the craving sensations

that are derived directly from satan

so i keep givin in to my sins from within 

i keep twitchin from my addiction

bout to lose my fucking self and have a kyniption

fantasizing about the noose at the end of the rope 

im hurting everyone around me for me theres no hope

the drugs and the booze have all but broke this man

i cant give up

i must believe that i can

win and stand up and fight for whats right

i will with my might

and my almighty will

my will to succeed these demons ill kill

im far from proud of past things ive done

how did i get here?

what have i become....







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