Revolution

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Editorial and Opinion  |  House: Booksie Classic

An essay I wrote for a challenge at my work.

~~Let me start by saying that I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life. I know what it’s like to feel different, to feel worthless, to be ostracized and looked down upon by society. It seems like the world was not made for us, we are the outcasts and the minorities. I’ve grown up since puberty feeling this way and something like that can have a toll on your self-esteem. Going through school wasn’t easy because of course kids can be very cruel. When you have no love or worth for yourself, you tend to believe what everyone around you is saying. I was never picked on to the point that it ruined my life, I still had my friends who didn’t care what I looked like, but outside accolades can only do so much. When everything you feel about yourself is demeaning inside, nothing anyone says to cheer you up can help. I don’t want to be too grim, suffice to say that life for me wasn’t everything it should’ve been. I felt very hopeless. Being surrounded by skinny people, pretty girls, and an active sports oriented family, I often felt like the world held nothing for me. I know there are millions of people that can relate to this feeling, but, like most of you would probably understand, when your mentality is in that state you often feel very alone in your sadness. Like most women struggling with their weight, I had tried diets. My mother and I used to exorcise a bit, but I felt very uncomfortable among other people and nothing seemed to be working. I am naturally a very independent person, but when you constantly feel like people are watching and judging you, you really don’t want to be around anyone.

I eventually succumbed to the fact that I most likely would always be fat, but I still wasn’t happy. I went through a very rough time in my life and got to a point where my opinion of myself and my weight was complete apathy. I felt I had gotten better, but I was getting worse. I felt like since I wasn’t constantly crying over how ugly and disgusting I was and stopped praying and pleading to change, that my numbness was a sign that maybe I would get over this. The thing was that I had just stopped caring. I had stopped trying to eat right. I had stopped trying inanely to find clothes in regular stores that all my friends shopped at to fit me. Shopping was always a nightmare for me. I hated it because I would look at all the cute little things my friends were trying on and just get discouraged and depressed that I could never wear anything like that. I began to resent my friends, I began to resent the clothing stores, and the clothing manufacturers, and pretty much every skinny person I would see.

It seemed shopping was a hopeless affair, that is until I found Addition Elle. I remember the first time I went in there, I had never been in a plus size store before, except for Cotton Ginny and all the other stores directed at older women. I was shocked that there were actually cute things that were my style in sizes that would actually fit me. I was no longer the only fat girl in the store trying desperately to squeeze into the biggest size she could find. I was no longer trapped at the big end of the spectrum, but now somewhere along the beginning. I felt welcome, I felt wanted, I felt like I was finally where I was supposed to be. There was no self-consciousness in the atmosphere, there were only happy girls who were just like me. I immediately found a plethora of beautiful outfits to try on. I remember trying all the pants I had got on and cheering at the fact that every one of them fit me and looked nice. It was if they were specifically designed for my body. There was no more shame, only excitement and acceptance from the one thing I used to dread and resent. This was my new haven.

After that day I would brag to my friends and show off all my new outfits. I would no longer hide my body in long, baggy men’s t-shirts that were never made for me, but show myself off with my new found sense of importance. I would go back every chance I could to try on more things, and every time I did I felt a little bit better about myself. I began to light up and hold my head up a little bit higher.

A few years later I was looking for a new job and my aunt suggested I apply at Pennington’s. I sent my resume in to Addition Elle as well hoping I would get the job there, but I had never been into Pennington’s before. I thought it would be, like many other plus size stores, only directed at an older female crowd. I found out that the two stores were connected, and that they had almost the same things. Pennington’s had such a variety, and I was thrilled to find yet another store that I was comfortable in. My hope grew that maybe people were suddenly catching on to the fact that not everyone is a size two. That we bigger women would like to have nice clothes too, and need a place where we can feel good about ourselves, a place of our own that caters to our wants and desires and doesn’t treat us as insignificant. It made me feel good to know that perhaps this world was starting to change for the better. We are not lower class citizens, we are human beings and as such, we should be treated accordingly.

We women need to realize that we are just as good as a skinny woman. We don’t judge people, and should not be judged because we look a certain way. Weight is just a number; it does not define who you are. I’ve been working at Pennington’s for almost a year now and being there has taught me a lot of things. It’s been a long work in progress, but I have learned to love myself for who I am. Yes, I am overweight, but I am also friendly, nice, funny, talented, and a good person. I do have a lot to offer the world and I am worth it. Do not let people tell you who you are, find out for yourself and appreciate yourself because of it. The world is beginning to recognize that we are as important and worthy as anyone else. Yes Pennington’s has helped me figure that out, but we shouldn’t need outside sources to tell us that we are each beautiful and unique in our own way. This store has helped people realize the confidence and merit we each possess inside of us. I see it every day in the eyes and smiles of the many women that come in and are so happy to be there. It warms my heart to know that these women are happy with themselves and don’t care what anyone thinks of them. I look at and talk to these women and I think, “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with them, so why was I so sure there was something wrong with me? They’re just like me and they love themselves, so why shouldn’t I?” Being in an environment like that has lifted my spirit and made me look inside myself to see that, I really am more than I give myself credit for. I know who I am and I like who I am, so why should I care what anyone thinks of my appearance? Your weight is a very small part of you, you have and are so much more than that. I know now that if people don’t see you for who you are and judge you solely on what you look like, then they have an inaccurate perception of you and therefore their opinion shouldn’t matter in the least. I believe that Pennington’s, Addition Elle, and all their affiliates have risen up from the misguided oppression of society to create a culture where we are welcome and celebrated for the beautiful women we are, and I couldn’t be happier to be a part of it. They are the beginners of our new revolution and, to quote inspiring comedienne Margaret Cho, “Out revolution is long overdue.”


Submitted: April 03, 2014

© Copyright 2022 Senoigh. All rights reserved.

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