Am I dead or alive?
On the ground in a pool of blood was a guy, he lay very still with blood leaking out from the hole in his heart, actually this guy was me. I had been lying there for… uh, well, it’s hard to keep track of the time when you’re dead, but it would have at least been an hour or so. I had died as soon as that bullet went through my body. As that gun was pointed at me the only thoughts that ran through my head was, Oh my god, I’m gonna die, and, she broke my heart, she not only broke my heart but she is also the one who’s going to shoot me through the heart…
She killed me!!
But then suddenly hours later, my eyes slowly opened and I quickly sat up breathing heavily.
Holding the area where I had just been shot, I found that there was no longer a hole, the blood and pain was still there, and god did it hurt, but there was no wound, I was confused as to what had happened, I remember getting shot and I remember her shooting me, but I had no idea as to how I was now breathing.
Having my hand over the area where I had been shot I could feel my heart, still working away at what it does to keep me living, so both of those, me breathing and my heart still working, equalled to me being alive.
Sitting there on the ground in a pool of my own blood I was so confused. I don’t even know the reason why she tried to kill me, so I came to the conclusion that she was psychotic before she even met me. This thought I had about her being psychotic was clearly underestimated.
Ever since she killed me I have been having nightmares, making me afraid to even sleep.
Then a year later, when I had almost entirely recovered from everything that had happened with my ex, I met this beautiful woman, which I just knew would end badly yet again, but I loved her and that I could not help but feel, and no, she did not kill me also, I found it to be much, much worse.
She may not have killed me, but instead ended up getting killed by my ex. What is her problem? I always ask myself.
After that I have never had another girlfriend, I figured that they would either keep getting killed or turn out to be psychotic.
I began to feel dead when I was alive, and yet, for some odd reason I also began to turn into a danger magnet. I kept getting killed, or at least I think that was what kept happening, I turned into a target for everybody who had the urge to kill, I was killed in every way imaginable, except for that whole cutting of my head thing, never happened and never will. I mean, how would I function without a head?
Along this time I discovered something else that was rather strange, I was sure that guy was dead, yes my life is full of death, but anyway, somehow he came back to life, I was sure I had done it, no idea as to how though.
About four years later I then met Cosmay, between the running from my psychotic ex and the whole dying thing.
Cosmay was an impressive woman, she was a strong fighter and had a thing for weather, mainly slight winds, she liked the feel of the wind going through her long red, green, blue, black and white coloured hair, very colourful I know, but it did look pretty cool, it almost toughed the ground and she had a fringe that covered her left eye, she was very beautiful... wait why am I saying was? I mean is.
A month later after meeting Cosmay, I, yet again was faced with my ex. Cosmay was also there, so I was about the fact that it was possible that she might get killed, yeah, I know I could bring her back from the dead but it’s not that simple, unnatural things are involved with that kind of stuff, and it does take a toll on my body, it could probably even kill me permanently depending on how long the person was dead for.
In the end though, Cosmay did not die, thank god for that, and neither did I, (for once.)
Cosmay and I working together were far stronger that my ex alone and she fled to god knows where in defeat.
Haha, yay for us!
Through my life I have decided that I don’t know what or who I even am, I did and still do have this one question in my head.
Am I dead or alive?
I just don’t know anymore, and I don’t even go by the same name that I was given to as a child.
So, being who I chose to be I am now called resurrection, I resurrect the dead and resurrect myself, but with all this pain I have inside me I am still not sure if I am truly alive, but I hope someday, I will figure that out, with the help of my friend and my most newest, staying as my forever, not gonna die girlfriend.
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