Razor Sharp Edge
I told my mum I loved her, telling here I was sorry for everything I put her through, it was obvious that she had no idea what I was thinking, well what do I expect she never really gave to wonder how I felt or was thinking. But no I’m not going to keep that against her, she has a lot on her mind, she has to deal with her abusive boyfriend.
I would have said my thanks to my sister and brother about how they have helped me but I have none so there is no point, my mother would have had other kids but my father died at war for us and her boyfriend beat my mother up so bad one day that he caused internal bleeding and she had to have a operation causing her to be unable to have kids.
I look through the last of my friend’s photos before I close my laptop for the last time and place it neatly on my night stand and walk back over to my bed, make it and place the note for my mother on my bed with the necklace she gave me for my 16th birthday next to the note.
I remember that day, it was my favourite day. Bill was not home so mum and I just sat down talking and watching The Vampire Diaries and she actually looked like she cared. I loved the way she hugged me before I went to bed, I could smell the rose petal perfume that she would buy for herself.
Secretly I went out to the shops and would buy the same perfume just so I could smell it and wish I had my mother back, back away from her boyfriend.
But all that’s in the past.
I nod and turn to look at the alarm clock and I could see the fluorescent green lights telling me it was 11:30pm. Ok, I said to myself as I close the door to my room, drowning it in darkness. Before I walk down the wooden stairs, making my way to the down stairs bathroom. I close and lock the white door. I turn and go over to the bath twisting the hot and cold tap on making the pipes bend and bukle to life.I wait for the bath to fill, so I go to the full length mirror and watch myself as I slowly pulled of all my clothes first my band T-shit, my black skinnies, my converse then to fully nude and was hit in the face by my black and blue skin. Didn’t surprise me though, my mums boyfriend has been bashing me every day since I was 10. Now I’m 17 and I don’t even remember what I looked like before, my hair is dead from the constant dying.
I run my hands through my hair, it’s now the colour of a raven’s wing, and they would match the colour of the bags under my blue bloodshot eyes.
I am pale, I never used to be. I used to be tanned and healthy but now you are able to see my rib cage, collar bones and hip bones something that I hated at first but then came to love.
I look at my wrists, I remember every single cut that covers my wrist to my fore arms. I can vividly remember the feeling and the pain I went through in each one, a cut for the abuse, a cut for the teasing, a cut for the utter torment my brain and mind so lovingly puts me through. A tear runs down my hollow face as I walk over to the sink and open one of the drawers and slowly pull out a Victorian styled locked chest that fits perfectly in my fragile hands. I unlock it showing my collection of glass and razors.
I smile to myself as I pull the razor I ordered online from the chest. It’s my favourite and I haven’t used it since I have been saving it for this occasion, that is why I had “My suicide” carved onto the tip of the blade.
I place the razor on the side of the bath, turning off the tap, getting into the bath. Biting my lip as the water scolds and boils my skin. I lay back into the bath, close my eyes and I can feel my heart beat pulsing through my whole body.
After I feel my heart start to race I know the blood is pumping faster though out my body, trying to stop the pain I’m feeling from the heat of the water.
I open my eyes and slowly raise my wrist out of the water and look at my almost transparent skin. I smile as I see my beautiful veins pressing against my skin. I grab the razor from the side of the bath and hold it firmly in my right hand and bite my lip as I press the tip of the razor on the top of my left wrist, quickly slicing the tip of the blade firmly down my arm seeing the blood quickly start to push its way out of my arm.
I place the razor in my left hand, biting back a scream as I hold it tightly in my hand, placing the tip of the razor on my right wrist and roughly slice down my right wrist and watch as the bath fills up in my blood. I hold my arm over the side of the bath, letting go off the razor I hear it hit the tiled floor. My breath quickens as I feel my eyes start to get heavy.
I place my head back on to the bath and feel my breath slow and smell the metallic blood find its way into my nose burning its way down to my stomach making me feel sick.
I let my eyes slowly fall, taking one last look of the world around me.
But before I fully close my eyes I come to notice a pounding at the door before it swings open and I shut my eyes, forever.
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