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I was asked to write about loneliness for a summer school assignment as was told to send it in for publishing.

Life in Loneliness

 

Loneliness is defined as “affected with, characterized by, or causing a depressing feeling of being alone; lonesome.” Most people read this definition and try to relate to it, some succeed, but others can only grasp it by a definition standard. Do you relate instantly or do you only understand by the definition? Many authors have written about loneliness, a few examples are “Of Mice and Men.” and “Lord of the Flies”. Every time I think of loneliness I relate back to my pasted.

When I am ask to explain loneliness, I always define it as “When you lost all hope and you feel darkness inside, including not sleeping, eating, or even moving; just giving up.” Then another question arises, “Why do you define it like that and without hesitation?” All I say is, “From life experience.” Let me explain, loneliness has been part of my life for as long as I can remember, but I’ll get back to that later. Many teens now seem to suffer from loneliness, but I feel that it is a different type of loneliness than how the definition explains it. My personal experiences can fully interpret it because teens have developed a dependence on electronic communication which seems to satisfy them, but then when they try to communicate to people, they are lost because they are terrified of the outside world. So, in essence they are not lonely at all, but they can no longer cope with humanity. The only reason why I can tell you this is because I used to have this same problem.

When I was younger, about eight years old or so, I never could really talk to people because every time I tried, I was severely ridiculed and tormented. For the reason, I had a very terrible time of not stuttering every word. My only escape from this shame was through technology. No one laughed at me there. I could be whoever I wanted to be. This continued through my twelfth birthday, but about this time is when the situation started to turn around. By that point I was too deep in loneliness to realize my life was turning around and it was heading back up. This turn around sounds nice, but it was such a low incline. It took forever for the effects to even be felt until much later. About the age of sixteen is when I finally felt that effect because I could talk to people who were of my age and even girls who where a few years old than I was. Yet, in school I always struggled. I always have had low grades. It’s not that I didn’t understand the stuff; I just saw no point in trying if no one will ever like me or even cared about me. I have always wondered why this turn around happened; my only guess is I grew more self confident and I was being myself, yet for some reason my gut was telling me that I found my own strength from inside and I didn’t need any ones approval.

To this day, my life has been much better. I don’t stutter like I used to and my self confidence is at a reasonable level for my environment. I had a steady job for a long time, with great grades in school. I feel no longer lonely because of all the friends I have in my life now. I have had a several girlfriends who were all very precious to me, especially the one I am with now. Life has had a very rough road for me in the pasted, yet I am neither angry nor ecstatic about it, but I do thank it. This rough road has taught me dignity, self preservation, respect, strength, and wisdom beyond my years. All I can say to anyone who has lost their way; never give up because there is always something new around the corner that you must to discover for yourself.

Kyle Carroll


Submitted: July 12, 2011

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