The Penultimate Fantasy Airship

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Status: Finished  |  Genre: Humor  |  House: Booksie Classic
This is a short story I wrote in 8th grade. It's a short read, only 5 pages, and I think it's interesting.

Submitted: January 07, 2012

A A A | A A A

Submitted: January 07, 2012

A A A

A A A


 

Conveniently Chapter 1

 

In Soviet Russia, the filthy hippies were discussing their adventure plan. They were at war with

the Chinese Fruit Communists.

“Dinner is ready to NOT eat!” General Inception bellowed, “because it's MINE!” he added with a shriek. “

“Shut up, fatty!” yelled Johnny.

Senor Poopy Clown Hay, getting annoyed, yelled saying “Just discuss the PLAN!”

They continued working on their plan until they made their plan of travel. They would first venture

through the Funky forest of Phantomville. Then they travel through the Plains of dusters. After, they

will climb over Comb Mountain. Then they would travel through the home of the hungry giant.

They left right after making deh plan. As they traveled to the Funky forest of Phantomville, they ate

some Beef Jerky. Once they arrived, Joe, the Scrublet, starts freaking out because the place is loaded

with MOJO.

He started screaming, “Mommy! Mommy! Mojo gonna get me!”

“Shut up, Joe!” shrieked Johnny.

They were scared because the Mojo Monster was after them in hot pursuit, NOW a word from our

sponsors... Buy potato puffs and make your salad POP! With flavor! Now, back to our story...

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2, Somewhat Charred

 

In Bulgaria, slightly located in a pie tin, José is tired, very tired. He has been leading the Chinese

Fruit Communists against the Filthy Hippies. They have been trying to vanquish them for years, and

now, he finally has a chance to end them once and for all – THE MYSTICAL CRUNCHY SWINE!

José, the Magical Mexican President of China, was to lead a team of the very best. Chris the Chinese

Squirrel, Jimmy the slightly insane troll with his trusty pet, Waughloo the Partially-Eaten Pet Rock.

Also on the team are: Bob the Ogre with his pet bludgeon Rawk, and Shoop-da-wooper the Basketball

Player.

Their plan was to go to a village named St. Bludgeontothehead, where they would collect supplies

and a map to the basin. Where the swine is conveniently located, past a dangerous journey where

bridges, trees, whole rocks, meat, and basketball with government seals are on. Each of these things

are meant to provide a challenge.

Jimmy asked, “ Whn r we goin' tew 'he villge?”

José replied, “In a day or so perhaps... we need to collect the campsite of Jumping Bean Burritos,

and the Zinc Fork of Fewd.”

Bob then added, “Well that shouldn't be hard...”

Shoop added a little guiltily, “Well... I accidentally a word, no, I threw an orange with a seal tooth

on it, but it shattered the fork. But then, a portal opened and the seal tooth ripped off and was flung

through the portal, and the portal closed. Oh then, a rock screamed, “THE SEAL TOOTH! NOOOOO!”, and then it disappeared for some reason.”

“On second thought,” said José, “let's just go, it's just a teleporter to the basin we need to go to.”

Everybody agreed, so off they went, from the Plains of Rftzqrrl!!?St, and to go to the forest

of bridges and flammable objects. Somewhere, an orange peel hat appeared.

 

 

~ 1 ~

A Coffee-Stained Parchment (Known as Chapter 3)

 

As the Filthy Hippies ran from the Mojo Monster, Joe ran into the bushes of disco. The Mojo

Monster ran past him not noticing him at all. Joe, facing a great terrifying figment, ran at the monster

wielding his legendary Disco Banjo, made of a club and a disco ball, including a pole.

As he ran full speed at the monster, he tripped on a magical hot dog taco thrown by José somehow.

While Joe tripped, his grip on his banjo loosened, and went flying and struck the Mojo monster in the

ear. It collapsed on the ground, groaning in pain. Its mojo juice spilled out from his wound, and as

everybody watched, a dirty sock filled with explosive paper landed on the monster and combusted in

a tower of flame, engulfing the mess, including Joe....

 

 

 

 

Mysterious Chapter 4 (Translated, some words not included)

 

It was a bumpy ride, driving at 120 mph, in the back of José's monster truck/lawn mower. Now,

at this point, Waughloo is falling off the truck. He is screaming bloody murder which in rock speak is

teleporting at the speed of light and falling onto the driver's head repeatedly. Tronald, Waughloo's pet

10-leaf clover disappeared in a puff of smoke. A purple jive turkey, appears and is struck by a

regurgitated laser from Shoop-da-wooper. The turkey was transformed into a roast turkey.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, except for the Mighty Magical Money Monkey of Magicalness,

who tossed an Invisible Banana of Moxie at the car. It totaled and they had to ride the less known

Insignificant Potato Sprout which goes as slow as an Insignificant Potato Sprout can go.

Soon they arrived at the Forest of Bridges and Flammable Objects, where a Wild Bear with Chainsaw Arms appeared in a half-deflated blimp slightly on fire. After shooting half the forest with

regurgitated lasers, Shoop finally calmed down enough to throw an orange by having a hand spasm

(again), at Waughloo.

“To be continued.”, said Tronald somehow, from a nearby flaming potato factory.

Also, José threw a taco.

 

 

 

The Very Last Chapter (5)

 

Waughloo flew through the air and did a somersault, finally crashing into Bear with Chainsaw

Arms. Waughloo also stirred up some grass, one blade of which was coated in Filthy Hippy dreadlock

wax, and was sharpened. It knocked them both out, mysteriously. A few hours later they awakened

only to have a fried fish of fire land out of the blue on their heads, instantly knocking them out.

When Waughloo woke up... WE INTERRUPT THIS STORY... We are selling hordes of crippled

dogs! Only 75 MSK! Pepitoz from the slightly Damp Cheese Wheel is selling them cheap!... Now back to the story.

He saw a rainbow monkey with chainsaw arms, and in a few seconds he actually saw a bear with a fish head. It was in an upside down boat, but then he was rudely interrupted by remembering his college graduation. He then promptly woke up. Jimmy went into a berserker rage and

pummeled Shoop. He jumped into the air but fell asleep thinking of taxes halfway into the air.

Immediately, Tronald reappeared and in the resulting smoke cloud, BoB the Ogre saw a banana

monkey pirate made out of meat. It was knitting a banana yarn ninja. He also saw a fish.

~ 2 ~

 

Everyone then went back to the Potato Sprout, and ventured into the Forest of Bridges and

Flammable Objects.

Jimmy started yelling incoherently something like, “I C4N H42 M3375 P12?”,

multiple times.

Then, to his dismay, Jimmy saw a lot of bridges, growing on trees. There was a river in the middle

of the forest, and a bridge made of chicken fat was there. Bear with Chainsaw Arms smacked Jimmy

with his bear arm which he wielded in his chainsaw arms, which have pockets made of peacock hair.

This flung Jimmy past the bridge made out of chicken fat onto the other side.

The group saw coming out of a brick from a tree bridge: banana monkey ninja pirates wielding a rusty harpoon crafted out of plot holes and banana yarn. Chris the Chinese Squirrel jumped.

 

 

The Epic Conflict (Really, Trust Us) (6?)

 

The Filthy Hippies ran with great sadness to the nearest town, for Joe the Scrublet is dead... They

got to the town of Hipposauras City, known for its famous banana pumpkin pie with ice cream from Tokyo, Japan. When they got to town they ran into the Amazing Court yard of the 5-star Phillip Hotel.

As they ran into the building they saw Phillip, leader of the city and owner of everything in the city. He said that they applotopians were at war with them. They are in love with apples and are lead

by Yan Choo Teryaki Orange Chicken banana Tomato van car apple cheese burrito. This person was a

short russian who has an obsession with apple juice. The Filthy Hippies left for a battle with the

Applotopians. Out of nowhere, a flying comb assault hit Johnny the fuzzy dog!

“They know our weakness!” yelled Senor Poopy Clown Hat.

Just as he yelled, a flying giant duster hit him in the knee. General Inception looked around and

saw Flying Bloody Clown Pants knocked unconscious by a steering wheel. He ran, and ran, and ran

so far away. Until he was tired, and looked around, he was ahead by 4 feet. Then, suddenly, he is

trapped and forced to cook! His worst fear, coming true!

Just then, Phillip catapults a giant pomegranate and strikes all the enemies dead, while reviving

all allies and freeing all prisoners. The Filthy Hippies thank him for his HOSTILITY. They travel and

finally make it to the basin of CRUNCHY. SWINE. STEAK. Yes... PIG. The only one who can save

them from the Chinese Fruit Communists, and revive Joe.

 

 

 

Really, the Final Conflict (Chapter 7)

 

As the squirrel launched himself at the ninja pirate monkey, a puff of smoke appeared and Tronald

yet again disappeared and Chris was launched instead into the ground. As he conveniently disappeared, Tronald reappeared randomly. More smoke came, and when it cleared, they were staring

at a puppeteer. The puppeteer's name was Bludgeon for short.

He took them to his town, St. (Street) Bludgeontothehead. It held a general store, and his magical

portapotty. The portapotty teleported them to the rest of the town. The puppeteer was a failure at his

so-called craft. So in front of his shop is a fountain of blood that he bathes in every 2 hours to keep his

skin wrankly. He sells seashells, chicken pancakes, 7-week old apples, dead bird feet, purple goat

puppets, and rusty spoons. He had a sale on rusty harpoon guns that worked 10% of 10% of the time.

They continued to the town, to scrounge up supplies and find a map to the Grate Basin of

Orange Peels. When they entered town, they saw a peanut being sacrificed in the square. They

~ 3 ~

 

bypassed it and went to the inner city. Little did they know, the peanut was a devious sign. They

bought 60 boxes of chicken fat, and Jimmy bought 1/7th of an apple. They met up in the park of

bubbling grease and chocolate.

Bob exclaimed, “Hey Jimmy! We bought 60 crates of chicken fat!”

Jimmy said, “Oh cool, wait... what? CHICKEN FAT? ChIcKeN fAt!?”

He then took Waughloo and smashed all the boxes of chicken fat. Tronald disappeared and

reappeared. He summoned a gigantic smog cloud made out of chloroform and the group blacked out.

When they came to, 15 hours later, they looked around for Waughloo. They couldn't find him and

instead found a sign reading 'Gone for the Weekend.' They all wondered where he went but couldn't

muster the knowledge, so they continued with their 1/7th of an apple and no money, with their map and

rode out on the Insignificant Potato Sprout.

They continued to the Plans of Entangling Noodly Fencesy Despair. They passed a slightly askew

boulder-shaped rock. Somewhere, a cow is being killed by a meat grinder, possibly slightly in the

future. After passing exactly 1/100th of a second, they passed into a road. A hermit randomly said something unintelligible.

 

Chapter 9 (No really, this is the end)

 

Chris said, “Wut?” and accidentally jumped off a rock that somehow appeared under him. The

propelled movement flung him into a nearby tree sprout, which he ultimately feared. For it was... his

pet. He pulled out a glass bottle, some rubber bands and a lighter with a chloroform balloon.

Chris quickly made a shrapnel grenade and threw it at his pet.

While he threw it he said, “Does this happen to smell like chloroform?”, and of course the tree

passed out and fell backward into a portal. Chris curled up into a ball and started muttering.

On the ensuing ride, they passed magical orange peels hats, and bears getting yelled off cliffs.

They also appeared at a random village, and Tronald caused José to crash into the village.

The villagers happened to be made out of meaty steaks. Bob didn't notice because he was eating

a tofurkey haunch. Shoop wandered off and was found talking to someone in a hut. Suddenly, a

disgruntling noise occurs and a wild plot hole appeared. As he fell through, he tossed an orange peel hat he was somehow wearing at a wild procrastination giant. When Shoop regained semiconsciousness,

he saw a basketball game and passed out again. Back at the meat village, the group saw that Bob found out they were in a meat village... and wait for it, he started mauling them and eating the villagers.

While he was eating his tofurkey haunch, he was contemplating his taste. He found out that he

hated tofu, and liked meat. Another reason is, 42 days ago, he was kidnapped by some meat villagers,

they abducted him with a chloroform rag. They took his body to a dark room, and preparing to perform

a blood ritual. But they left a loose end, Rawk. Rawk managed to get in and clubbed the person with

the sacrificial knife, WAUGHLOO, the Benedict Arnold. He had gone for a vacation, which is right

now, and gone back in time from the smoke cloud, and had become a meat cultist. Bob broke free from

his bindings and clobbered all the cultists remaining on their feet.

Now Shoop finally woke up and discovered himself in a locked room with no windows or walls. It was a glass room. It had no glass roof. He was chained to a pool table and was facing a giant T.V.

screen, which was featuring a basketball game. After 19 minutes of watching this horrid thing, he

started firing regurgitated onions shaped as lasers. One ricocheted off the ground and hit the pool table.

It exploded and Shoop escaped through a wormhole back to the village, through a plot hole.

He landed on a hut. Where he originally fell through, and landed on top of the unsuspecting mystic

who summoned the plot hole. He was also squished by a 17x50 foot plank that landed on his forehead.

After wiping out the village from Bob's rampage and the plank, José, Chris, and Jimmy who did

~ 4 ~

 

absolutely nothing went back to the Potato Sprout, which was gone. Instead, they found a Corn Cob

Husk car there instead. So they continued on their journey, and headed to the Mountains of Clubbing Seals. Only the seals were mountains, but not really mountains, they were bare seals, but not actually

bare, they head bear hair. As the group arrived, they heard noises.

Noises like the ones at Band Camp, where you had a meeting for the government ideas for the camp. As this registered in José's subconscious, he started eating a pie. Only this wasn't a pie, it was

a pie inside a pie. Which was actually a communist manifesto. As he attempted to eat it, he recognized

these sounds. Tronald reappeared with his usual smoke cloud and José started hacking, instead of

trying to wreck another vehicle. So they crashed into the side of the mountain anyway, no thanks to him.

They started the arduous journey up the mountain of seals that be not seals. Just when they were

passing a cave, José slowly rotated 3 times and heard a government seal. Then 15 came out. Then one

more. Then half of one emerged. He punched on in the back of the leg, and then that one died from a

punch delivered by the seal behind him. This continued until the half-eaten seal was left, but he just

flopped to one side. It revealed a rock. But, it was Waughloo, the Benedict Arnold.

“There is no escape,” said José, “at least none for YOU!”, and then ran out after leaving a pile of

coffee grounds on the cave floor.

José and the others then sprinted down the mountain path to the Basin. In the cave, Waughloo, who

slipped on the coffee grounds fell backward onto a mysterious button. He turned into an urn and

disappeared. José and the rest of the Chinese Fruit Communists had reached the Basin! The home of

the Crunchy Swine Steak Pig. Somewhere, a fire started in a cave. Also there was a car accident.

 

 

The Actual Ending (The Final, Epic, Lengthy, Final Conflict of Finality)

 

The Chinese Fruit Communists ran, and to their surprise, they saw their hated enemies, the

Filthy Hippies! Both groups sprinted up the ancient steps of the cave heading to Crunchy Swine

Steak Pig. As they walked through the dark halls of Crunchy Swine Steak Pig's cave... they saw

something run across the path and it was a … NAKED FROZEN CHICKEN! After, they see a

mystical chipmunk hanging by a sugar cane tree. Then... they reached the door of the hermitage of

Crunchy Swine Steak Pig! It was conveniently left open. Crunchy Swine Steak Pig took out his

dual bladed staff of mystical sauciness. Then... XXXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXXXX XX

XXX XX XXXXX XXXXXXX X XXX! ERROR: FOLLOWING TEXT HAS BEEN LOST

AND/OR REMOVED.

 

Epilogue

Recovered Script: Syntax Error: … As they fell through the plot hole, they saw portals. And

they ran. Ran so far away. When they got tired of running from a flock of seagulls, they saw a

peculiar darkness. Exactly, it was another plot hole. But this one had a poisonous gas that killed

everyone, instantly. A few seconds later, it flipped to another scene. In this one, 10 cows appeared on

a platform above a machine. Suddenly, inexplicably, a rock with a familiar BITE in it appeared.

It fell onto a button on the edge of the platform. A cow with bloody pants on jumped off, to no

avail, and fell into the machine while the trapdoor activated. The rest of the cows fell through the

doors into.... a meat grinder. Then all the cows including the one that jumped off, died. At least they were turned into a tasty snack!

~ 5 ~ ~~~ End of Story~~~

 

Conveniently Chapter 1

 

In Soviet Russia, the filthy hippies were discussing their adventure plan. They were at war with

the Chinese Fruit Communists.

“Dinner is ready to NOT eat!” General Inception bellowed, “because it's MINE!” he added with a shriek. “

“Shut up, fatty!” yelled Johnny.

Senor Poopy Clown Hay, getting annoyed, yelled saying “Just discuss the PLAN!”

They continued working on their plan until they made their plan of travel. They would first venture

through the Funky forest of Phantomville. Then they travel through the Plains of dusters. After, they

will climb over Comb Mountain. Then they would travel through the home of the hungry giant.

They left right after making deh plan. As they traveled to the Funky forest of Phantomville, they ate

some Beef Jerky. Once they arrived, Joe, the Scrublet, starts freaking out because the place is loaded

with MOJO.

He started screaming, “Mommy! Mommy! Mojo gonna get me!”

“Shut up, Joe!” shrieked Johnny.

They were scared because the Mojo Monster was after them in hot pursuit, NOW a word from our

sponsors... Buy potato puffs and make your salad POP! With flavor! Now, back to our story...

 

 

 

 

Chapter 2, Somewhat Charred

 

In Bulgaria, slightly located in a pie tin, José is tired, very tired. He has been leading the Chinese

Fruit Communists against the Filthy Hippies. They have been trying to vanquish them for years, and

now, he finally has a chance to end them once and for all – THE MYSTICAL CRUNCHY SWINE!

José, the Magical Mexican President of China, was to lead a team of the very best. Chris the Chinese

Squirrel, Jimmy the slightly insane troll with his trusty pet, Waughloo the Partially-Eaten Pet Rock.

Also on the team are: Bob the Ogre with his pet bludgeon Rawk, and Shoop-da-wooper the Basketball

Player.

Their plan was to go to a village named St. Bludgeontothehead, where they would collect supplies

and a map to the basin. Where the swine is conveniently located, past a dangerous journey where

bridges, trees, whole rocks, meat, and basketball with government seals are on. Each of these things

are meant to provide a challenge.

Jimmy asked, “ Whn r we goin' tew 'he villge?”

José replied, “In a day or so perhaps... we need to collect the campsite of Jumping Bean Burritos,

and the Zinc Fork of Fewd.”

Bob then added, “Well that shouldn't be hard...”

Shoop added a little guiltily, “Well... I accidentally a word, no, I threw an orange with a seal tooth

on it, but it shattered the fork. But then, a portal opened and the seal tooth ripped off and was flung

through the portal, and the portal closed. Oh then, a rock screamed, “THE SEAL TOOTH! NOOOOO!”, and then it disappeared for some reason.”

“On second thought,” said José, “let's just go, it's just a teleporter to the basin we need to go to.”

Everybody agreed, so off they went, from the Plains of Rftzqrrl!!?St, and to go to the forest

of bridges and flammable objects. Somewhere, an orange peel hat appeared.

 

 

~ 1 ~

A Coffee-Stained Parchment (Known as Chapter 3)

 

As the Filthy Hippies ran from the Mojo Monster, Joe ran into the bushes of disco. The Mojo

Monster ran past him not noticing him at all. Joe, facing a great terrifying figment, ran at the monster

wielding his legendary Disco Banjo, made of a club and a disco ball, including a pole.

As he ran full speed at the monster, he tripped on a magical hot dog taco thrown by José somehow.

While Joe tripped, his grip on his banjo loosened, and went flying and struck the Mojo monster in the

ear. It collapsed on the ground, groaning in pain. Its mojo juice spilled out from his wound, and as

everybody watched, a dirty sock filled with explosive paper landed on the monster and combusted in

a tower of flame, engulfing the mess, including Joe....

 

 

 

 

Mysterious Chapter 4 (Translated, some words not included)

 

It was a bumpy ride, driving at 120 mph, in the back of José's monster truck/lawn mower. Now,

at this point, Waughloo is falling off the truck. He is screaming bloody murder which in rock speak is

teleporting at the speed of light and falling onto the driver's head repeatedly. Tronald, Waughloo's pet

10-leaf clover disappeared in a puff of smoke. A purple jive turkey, appears and is struck by a

regurgitated laser from Shoop-da-wooper. The turkey was transformed into a roast turkey.

The rest of the trip was uneventful, except for the Mighty Magical Money Monkey of Magicalness,

who tossed an Invisible Banana of Moxie at the car. It totaled and they had to ride the less known

Insignificant Potato Sprout which goes as slow as an Insignificant Potato Sprout can go.

Soon they arrived at the Forest of Bridges and Flammable Objects, where a Wild Bear with Chainsaw Arms appeared in a half-deflated blimp slightly on fire. After shooting half the forest with

regurgitated lasers, Shoop finally calmed down enough to throw an orange by having a hand spasm

(again), at Waughloo.

“To be continued.”, said Tronald somehow, from a nearby flaming potato factory.

Also, José threw a taco.

 

 

 

The Very Last Chapter (5)

 

Waughloo flew through the air and did a somersault, finally crashing into Bear with Chainsaw

Arms. Waughloo also stirred up some grass, one blade of which was coated in Filthy Hippy dreadlock

wax, and was sharpened. It knocked them both out, mysteriously. A few hours later they awakened

only to have a fried fish of fire land out of the blue on their heads, instantly knocking them out.

When Waughloo woke up... WE INTERRUPT THIS STORY... We are selling hordes of crippled

dogs! Only 75 MSK! Pepitoz from the slightly Damp Cheese Wheel is selling them cheap!... Now back to the story.

He saw a rainbow monkey with chainsaw arms, and in a few seconds he actually saw a bear with a fish head. It was in an upside down boat, but then he was rudely interrupted by remembering his college graduation. He then promptly woke up. Jimmy went into a berserker rage and

pummeled Shoop. He jumped into the air but fell asleep thinking of taxes halfway into the air.

Immediately, Tronald reappeared and in the resulting smoke cloud, BoB the Ogre saw a banana

monkey pirate made out of meat. It was knitting a banana yarn ninja. He also saw a fish.

~ 2 ~

 

Everyone then went back to the Potato Sprout, and ventured into the Forest of Bridges and

Flammable Objects.

Jimmy started yelling incoherently something like, “I C4N H42 M3375 P12?”,

multiple times.

Then, to his dismay, Jimmy saw a lot of bridges, growing on trees. There was a river in the middle

of the forest, and a bridge made of chicken fat was there. Bear with Chainsaw Arms smacked Jimmy

with his bear arm which he wielded in his chainsaw arms, which have pockets made of peacock hair.

This flung Jimmy past the bridge made out of chicken fat onto the other side.

The group saw coming out of a brick from a tree bridge: banana monkey ninja pirates wielding a rusty harpoon crafted out of plot holes and banana yarn. Chris the Chinese Squirrel jumped.

 

 

The Epic Conflict (Really, Trust Us) (6?)

 

The Filthy Hippies ran with great sadness to the nearest town, for Joe the Scrublet is dead... They

got to the town of Hipposauras City, known for its famous banana pumpkin pie with ice cream from Tokyo, Japan. When they got to town they ran into the Amazing Court yard of the 5-star Phillip Hotel.

As they ran into the building they saw Phillip, leader of the city and owner of everything in the city. He said that they applotopians were at war with them. They are in love with apples and are lead

by Yan Choo Teryaki Orange Chicken banana Tomato van car apple cheese burrito. This person was a

short russian who has an obsession with apple juice. The Filthy Hippies left for a battle with the

Applotopians. Out of nowhere, a flying comb assault hit Johnny the fuzzy dog!

“They know our weakness!” yelled Senor Poopy Clown Hat.

Just as he yelled, a flying giant duster hit him in the knee. General Inception looked around and

saw Flying Bloody Clown Pants knocked unconscious by a steering wheel. He ran, and ran, and ran

so far away. Until he was tired, and looked around, he was ahead by 4 feet. Then, suddenly, he is

trapped and forced to cook! His worst fear, coming true!

Just then, Phillip catapults a giant pomegranate and strikes all the enemies dead, while reviving

all allies and freeing all prisoners. The Filthy Hippies thank him for his HOSTILITY. They travel and

finally make it to the basin of CRUNCHY. SWINE. STEAK. Yes... PIG. The only one who can save

them from the Chinese Fruit Communists, and revive Joe.

 

 

 

Really, the Final Conflict (Chapter 7)

 

As the squirrel launched himself at the ninja pirate monkey, a puff of smoke appeared and Tronald

yet again disappeared and Chris was launched instead into the ground. As he conveniently disappeared, Tronald reappeared randomly. More smoke came, and when it cleared, they were staring

at a puppeteer. The puppeteer's name was Bludgeon for short.

He took them to his town, St. (Street) Bludgeontothehead. It held a general store, and his magical

portapotty. The portapotty teleported them to the rest of the town. The puppeteer was a failure at his

so-called craft. So in front of his shop is a fountain of blood that he bathes in every 2 hours to keep his

skin wrankly. He sells seashells, chicken pancakes, 7-week old apples, dead bird feet, purple goat

puppets, and rusty spoons. He had a sale on rusty harpoon guns that worked 10% of 10% of the time.

They continued to the town, to scrounge up supplies and find a map to the Grate Basin of

Orange Peels. When they entered town, they saw a peanut being sacrificed in the square. They

~ 3 ~

 

bypassed it and went to the inner city. Little did they know, the peanut was a devious sign. They

bought 60 boxes of chicken fat, and Jimmy bought 1/7th of an apple. They met up in the park of

bubbling grease and chocolate.

Bob exclaimed, “Hey Jimmy! We bought 60 crates of chicken fat!”

Jimmy said, “Oh cool, wait... what? CHICKEN FAT? ChIcKeN fAt!?”

He then took Waughloo and smashed all the boxes of chicken fat. Tronald disappeared and

reappeared. He summoned a gigantic smog cloud made out of chloroform and the group blacked out.

When they came to, 15 hours later, they looked around for Waughloo. They couldn't find him and

instead found a sign reading 'Gone for the Weekend.' They all wondered where he went but couldn't

muster the knowledge, so they continued with their 1/7th of an apple and no money, with their map and

rode out on the Insignificant Potato Sprout.

They continued to the Plans of Entangling Noodly Fencesy Despair. They passed a slightly askew

boulder-shaped rock. Somewhere, a cow is being killed by a meat grinder, possibly slightly in the

future. After passing exactly 1/100th of a second, they passed into a road. A hermit randomly said something unintelligible.

 

Chapter 9 (No really, this is the end)

 

Chris said, “Wut?” and accidentally jumped off a rock that somehow appeared under him. The

propelled movement flung him into a nearby tree sprout, which he ultimately feared. For it was... his

pet. He pulled out a glass bottle, some rubber bands and a lighter with a chloroform balloon.

Chris quickly made a shrapnel grenade and threw it at his pet.

While he threw it he said, “Does this happen to smell like chloroform?”, and of course the tree

passed out and fell backward into a portal. Chris curled up into a ball and started muttering.

On the ensuing ride, they passed magical orange peels hats, and bears getting yelled off cliffs.

They also appeared at a random village, and Tronald caused José to crash into the village.

The villagers happened to be made out of meaty steaks. Bob didn't notice because he was eating

a tofurkey haunch. Shoop wandered off and was found talking to someone in a hut. Suddenly, a

disgruntling noise occurs and a wild plot hole appeared. As he fell through, he tossed an orange peel hat he was somehow wearing at a wild procrastination giant. When Shoop regained semiconsciousness,

he saw a basketball game and passed out again. Back at the meat village, the group saw that Bob found out they were in a meat village... and wait for it, he started mauling them and eating the villagers.

While he was eating his tofurkey haunch, he was contemplating his taste. He found out that he

hated tofu, and liked meat. Another reason is, 42 days ago, he was kidnapped by some meat villagers,

they abducted him with a chloroform rag. They took his body to a dark room, and preparing to perform

a blood ritual. But they left a loose end, Rawk. Rawk managed to get in and clubbed the person with

the sacrificial knife, WAUGHLOO, the Benedict Arnold. He had gone for a vacation, which is right

now, and gone back in time from the smoke cloud, and had become a meat cultist. Bob broke free from

his bindings and clobbered all the cultists remaining on their feet.

Now Shoop finally woke up and discovered himself in a locked room with no windows or walls. It was a glass room. It had no glass roof. He was chained to a pool table and was facing a giant T.V.

screen, which was featuring a basketball game. After 19 minutes of watching this horrid thing, he

started firing regurgitated onions shaped as lasers. One ricocheted off the ground and hit the pool table.

It exploded and Shoop escaped through a wormhole back to the village, through a plot hole.

He landed on a hut. Where he originally fell through, and landed on top of the unsuspecting mystic

who summoned the plot hole. He was also squished by a 17x50 foot plank that landed on his forehead.

After wiping out the village from Bob's rampage and the plank, José, Chris, and Jimmy who did

~ 4 ~

 

absolutely nothing went back to the Potato Sprout, which was gone. Instead, they found a Corn Cob

Husk car there instead. So they continued on their journey, and headed to the Mountains of Clubbing Seals. Only the seals were mountains, but not really mountains, they were bare seals, but not actually

bare, they head bear hair. As the group arrived, they heard noises.

Noises like the ones at Band Camp, where you had a meeting for the government ideas for the camp. As this registered in José's subconscious, he started eating a pie. Only this wasn't a pie, it was

a pie inside a pie. Which was actually a communist manifesto. As he attempted to eat it, he recognized

these sounds. Tronald reappeared with his usual smoke cloud and José started hacking, instead of

trying to wreck another vehicle. So they crashed into the side of the mountain anyway, no thanks to him.

They started the arduous journey up the mountain of seals that be not seals. Just when they were

passing a cave, José slowly rotated 3 times and heard a government seal. Then 15 came out. Then one

more. Then half of one emerged. He punched on in the back of the leg, and then that one died from a

punch delivered by the seal behind him. This continued until the half-eaten seal was left, but he just

flopped to one side. It revealed a rock. But, it was Waughloo, the Benedict Arnold.

“There is no escape,” said José, “at least none for YOU!”, and then ran out after leaving a pile of

coffee grounds on the cave floor.

José and the others then sprinted down the mountain path to the Basin. In the cave, Waughloo, who

slipped on the coffee grounds fell backward onto a mysterious button. He turned into an urn and

disappeared. José and the rest of the Chinese Fruit Communists had reached the Basin! The home of

the Crunchy Swine Steak Pig. Somewhere, a fire started in a cave. Also there was a car accident.

 

 

The Actual Ending (The Final, Epic, Lengthy, Final Conflict of Finality)

 

The Chinese Fruit Communists ran, and to their surprise, they saw their hated enemies, the

Filthy Hippies! Both groups sprinted up the ancient steps of the cave heading to Crunchy Swine

Steak Pig. As they walked through the dark halls of Crunchy Swine Steak Pig's cave... they saw

something run across the path and it was a … NAKED FROZEN CHICKEN! After, they see a

mystical chipmunk hanging by a sugar cane tree. Then... they reached the door of the hermitage of

Crunchy Swine Steak Pig! It was conveniently left open. Crunchy Swine Steak Pig took out his

dual bladed staff of mystical sauciness. Then... XXXXX XXXX XX XXXX XXX XXXXXX XX

XXX XX XXXXX XXXXXXX X XXX! ERROR: FOLLOWING TEXT HAS BEEN LOST

AND/OR REMOVED.

 

Epilogue

Recovered Script: Syntax Error: … As they fell through the plot hole, they saw portals. And

they ran. Ran so far away. When they got tired of running from a flock of seagulls, they saw a

peculiar darkness. Exactly, it was another plot hole. But this one had a poisonous gas that killed

everyone, instantly. A few seconds later, it flipped to another scene. In this one, 10 cows appeared on

a platform above a machine. Suddenly, inexplicably, a rock with a familiar BITE in it appeared.

It fell onto a button on the edge of the platform. A cow with bloody pants on jumped off, to no

avail, and fell into the machine while the trapdoor activated. The rest of the cows fell through the

doors into.... a meat grinder. Then all the cows including the one that jumped off, died. At least they were turned into a tasty snack!

~ 5 ~ ~~~ End of Story~~~

 


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